New Relationship Suffers From Past Relationship

[bungra]

I recently entered into a new relationship with an amazing guy that is exactly what I've been looking for. We have been dating for about a month and have had some very intimate conversations about ourselves and our past relationships. He was up front about that fact that he had been married and that they have a five year old son, but that they do not live together and that he has no desire to have anything to do with his "former wife". I have come to find that they have been legally separated for a year and a half, not divorced. This makes me feel uncomfortable for two reasons: obviously I am not comfortable with the fact that he is still legally married to her, but what is more bothersome to me is the fact that he did not fully disclose this to me up front. Now I feel like I have been lied to, and I will admit that if he had told me that he was not divorced, only separated, that I would not have begun to date him. However, now I am emotionally involved, I care about him, his family, and his son a great deal, and do not want to leave him, but at the same time, I don't want to be with a guy who is not divorced. What do I do???

[vashti]

Tell him you will start dating him when he is divorced. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't do it.

(sorry)

[zombie_loo89]

Tell him you will start dating him when he is divorced. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't do it.

(sorry)

And make sure he knows that you would of loved to have known this up front.

[misombra]

that's a big thing to lie about.

i would be upset if that wasn't disclosed.

well, best you know about the lying and deceiving in advance!

[Gigabitch]

Well, WHY is he not divorced? Does she refuse to sign the papers? What's the deal? This is important information.

[alovehangoverr]

I agree with the above-- emotionally involved or not, you need to do what's logically best for the both of you and tell him you can't date him until he's officially divorced.

Why haven't they gone through with it? They've been seperated for over a year.. there's no reason not to make it official.

[bungra]

They haven't yet gotten a divorce because she has refused to sign the papers. She wants half of his savings (opened after they were separated), she wants his car to sell it so she can have the money to raise their child, she already got the house, and she wants him to drive 40 miles to and from work so he can pick up their son from kindergarten and drop him off a mile down the road at her mother's house. He will not give in to her demands because they have all been brought on by the fact that she no longer has a wealthy boyfriend to give her money when she needs it and that she pretty much lost her job and is now "freelancing". She's just using their son as an excuse to get money to pay for all her bills that she can now not afford.

Yay for contested divorces! :-(