Do I have a chance at winning back my ex-boyfriend?

[gumiibear]

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a week ago for being too needy. He actually wanted to break up with me 6 times before, but I promised him each time that I would change my habits, learn to be more independent, and not depend on him wholly to make me happy. I realize how clingy I was with him... sometimes I would call him 5-10 times a day, and not let him hang out with his friends or even talk on the phone with his family. I was a horrible girlfriend to him, and I completely regret my behaviour so much. However, each time, I just broke my promise to him, and by the time we broke up, he just felt like he couldn't see a future with me being so selfish and needy. He couldn't trust me anymore, which I completely understand.

We have agreed to not communicate for a month, and after that, we'll start talking as friends again. On the night that we broke up, he told me that he still has faith and hope in our relationship, and that the last thing he's going to do this month is look for another girl to date. He says that if I choose to make changes, then I should make these changes for myself and not just for him, so that these changes will become a permanent part of my personality. He says that he believes in me, that he's just waiting for me to create some positive changes to myself this month, and that the "door is open to getting back together."

Just a few days ago, he sent me a text message, that said "I've been stalking you on your online blog. I think you're making lots of progress. Keep at it! ".

It feels great to have his support. So far, I really have been motivated by my friends and family, as well as myself, to continue working hard to create some positive changes in my life. I'm starting to re-focus my priorities on school, friends, and my family, and I've started to realize that I really don't need to depend on one person to make me happy. I'm starting to see that I can make happiness come from within, and once I'm happy on the inside, I'll be able to spread my happiness to others as well.

Do you guys think I have a shot at getting back together with him? And how should I let him know that I want to? I'm thinking that I'll give him a call by the end of the month (when our no-contact agreement is over) and I'll ask him if he's free for dinner, and if dinner goes very smoothly, and we both feel like we still have a good connection, then I'll ask him to consider getting back together with me at the end of the night.

What do you guys think?

[Bonfire]

Sure why not. It's good that you are taking the steps to improve other aspects of your life. But you don't have to convince yourself that happiness comes from within. Yes it's true it does but only a few people can achieve that type of attainment. Most of us will depend on others for happiness. That's why love and relationship is the most sought after thing in life. We need it to feel happy and fulfill. But it doesn't mean we have to be clingy and desperate for affection. We can have a balance in life - being independent as well as dependent. Able to enjoy time alone besides spending it with the person you love. Having a life of your own can make a healthier relationship. Your partner will feel he has space to breath and he'll love you even more since he can't have you all the time.

[gumiibear]

Thank you! You're right that we should have a balanced life... that's something that I'm teaching myself to have now. I want to be able to keep myself happy but sometimes I'd like to be able to have him around to make me happy too. But even if he is busy or he needs space, I will learn to respect that, and hopefully things will work out for the best!

[pamhol]

Keep improving Many relationship has problems because the other partner doesn't give enough space ...you're lucky that he still cares for you and is giving you the chance to really make a permanent change.

All the best & good luck.

[Michael Fulmer]

Based on your post, you have a very understanding (ex) boyfriend. But better than that, you realize your own errors, AND you're taking steps to deal with them for the betterment of YOU. Well done! The lovely side effect of this is that your ex will find you a much more attractive proposition, as will any other guys =)

Keep at it and, in the meantime, try and not think about the "getting back together" part too much. You do not have 100% control on that...but your own improvements ARE 100% in your control, so put your focus and energy there.

Bottom line, based on the little information you have given, I'd say your chances are good for reuniting should you continue to work on your issues.

All the best to you,

Michael

[gumiibear]

Thank you very much! That makes me very happy I'm focusing more on school now, and I have a job interview coming up so that should keep me busy and teach me to be more independent!
I'm just wondering as to how I will ask him to reconcile... any suggestions as to how and when I should bring it up?

[Michael Fulmer]

I'm just wondering as to how I will ask him to reconcile... any suggestions as to how and when I should bring it up?

No suggestions. Just this:

Keep at it and, in the meantime, try and not think about the "getting back together" part too much. You do not have 100% control on that...but your own improvements ARE 100% in your control, so put your focus and energy there.

;-)

Be casual and, soon enough, you'll naturally find opportunities to discuss your relationship with your ex. In fact you may well find that your ex will be the one looking to "bring it up," and not you.

All the best to you,

Michael

[gumiibear]

Okay! You're right, I should definitely focus on myself for now and not worry so much about the future I just have to remain positive and things will fall into place eventually!

[gumiibear]

I posted in my blog last night that I wanted to dye my hair, and he sent me a text message saying, "Lol, you're already beautiful You were beautiful all along, you just didn't see it." Maybe it's because I'm a girl and I over-analyze everything, but was that supposed to mean something? Is he starting to think about getting back with me again? He's been taking notice of my changes lately and now I just feel very hopeful, but of course, I don't want to set myself up or anything.

[Dan555]

Deep inside he loves you and he loves the fact that you're so interested in him. . . And I think that it's only taken him a few days to realise that he'd rather have you calling him 10 times per day and telling him how much you love him, than recieving no calls at all. All guys are romantic deep inside, just that most don't really express it that much.

It's obvious that he still loves you with everything he's got, probably even more now that he's experienced what life's like without having a wonderful girl making him smile. . . If I were you I'd just go up to him, tell him you still love him and kiss him. . . Not a man in this world would be stupid enough not to kiss back after the experience you two have been though.

[gumiibear]

Awww, thank you! I think it's kind of funny how our no-contact break isn't really working... we keep contacting each other, and we have short but sweet conversations too

[smackie9]

As the saying goes....distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you gained some independence, enjoyed a life outside the relationship, it will keep things fresh within your relationship. It takes a lot of pressure off the relationship as well......so it's ok to not talk to each other every second of the day. If you don't hear from them or they made other plans, it doesn't mean they care any less for you. A relationship shouldn't be your life, but a part of your life. Keep up the good work.

[gumiibear]

Thank you! I thought that quote that you mentioned, "A relationship shouldn't be your life, but a part of your life." is sooo true... I'm going to remember that and keep it in my thoughts to motivate me.

[Dan555]

Yeah, I agree with smackie. It's true that a relationship should be a part of your life instead of your whole life, but for many in people it's that small part in their life that really makes them happy. . . So better having that part in your life that not having it. . . Take my advice and get back together with him, and I'm sure your relationship will be much stronger after this.

[gumiibear]

To be honest, I don't think he loves me anymore... After letting him down 6 times, he told me that he didn't see a future with me being so needy... and... I mean, I think he's starting to respect me more again and like me, and I don't think he loves me anymore and that breaks my heart I just want to know how he really feels about me right now... like, I know that he still has faith in our relationship but it's not 100% guaranteed that we'll get back together, and I guess deep inside, I'm just afraid that he still won't want me even after I've changed. I don't think he misses me as much as I miss him, because he didn't like my needy personality, but I loved and still love every part of him. I know that I should be changing for myself, but honestly, I'm also changing for him so that he'll want me back and love me the way I want him to.