Dating two women

[CAM]

Okay, now I'm trying something new (new for me, at least). Casually dating two women. Have had second dates with both of them. Good point of dating two women: that near simian desire to cling, to hold-on, to something (namely, what could/might be a relationship) is subsumed by a more rational desire to just get to know the person. Not to compare them, but when with one of them, to just get to know them. Bad point: It seems like more time is spent on dating because now there are two of them. Although, if you subtract out the time obsessing (when you have only one person)...then it is pretty much the same time commitment as when you date only one woman.

***And, it prevents me from going to bed with either of them too quickly, since that is a big no-no in my book...cross that line while dating two women, and then one is simply a "player" and that's not my game. In the past, I've rushed things to the mattress to "close the deal" and to establish some emotional commitment to one another--big mistake. Now, it really is a thought kept out of my consciousness.

Dates thus far have been great and lots of time talking and learning about one another. Both of them are very intelligent, highly educated, very well-mannered, and both are super attractive, too. Who knows if either will work out, but what the heck...innovative thinking can pay off?

[smackie9]

You have the right idea of avoiding the "should be having sex by the 3rd date". That's great you have decided to take things slow, but if I were you I would communicate to them that it's casual (getting to know them) but also mention you are dating others. Things might blow up in your face when one sees you on a date with someone else.....it might get ugly and you lose the one you really like. I agree they should step up and ask themselves, but the less experienced just "assume" they are the only one you are dating. I guess you would have to look at it this way.....would you want to know if the woman you have gone out on 2 or 3 successful dates let you know she is dating other people or is ignorance bliss? I know most will disagree but whatever. Just my 2 cents.

[Boisdevie]

Smackie has a very good point, as usual. I faced the same problem in that I was getting to know two women at the same time and didn't want to mess anyone around. As soon as I had the slightest idea of which woman I really liked I dropped the other as fast as possible. The more dates you have with someone surely the closer you get, unless everyone knows that multiple dating might be going on.

[IndiReloaded]

Interesting. But Smackie is right: you run the risk that one (probably the better one, Murphy's Law) will lose interest in you when she finds out you've got more than one on the line. Since you are just having fun, not a big deal for you, but its something to think about if you find yourself fancying one over the other. And yes, don't be a cad and sleep with them both.

[CAM]

The temptation is to cut one loose right now, because the Asian woman is the one I like a lot. Both are very nice people and each has their strengths and weaknesses (just like me). But, again faced by the situation that both of them may move away in the next year or two....at least, that is what they say. Dilemmas.

[Boisdevie]

Dilemmas.

That's how life works. I've chosen woman A over woman B but who's to say that it'll work long term with woman A? Would it have worked better with woman B. Would woman B have even been interested in me? There is no easy solution to this one. You could argue that to really know both of them you'd have to sleep with both of them, if you agree with the premise that sexual compatibility is important. But that's something I couldn't do. Even if you did the sexual relationship changes too over time so you might think that your potential long term partner is ideal in bed and then it all changes later.

[CAM]

I'm not talking sexual compatibility. Personally, that is less of a concern. My main concern is finding someone who is good for me and vice versa. The Asian woman was wonderful...truly wonderful. We just sat and talked for hours and hours. We did some local sight seeing, drank coffee, shared a meal...it was very nice. With the other woman, it was a more structured "date"--it went very well, we spoke but it was less "deep" of a discussion. She focused a lot on herself. The second one is younger so that might be the issue--less mature, but probably smarter (higher intellect). But, the sex issue doesn't arise in my mind. I have found that sex tends to **** everything up (pardon the split infinitive). Although, if my arm was twisted out of socket...I admit, I'm more attracted to the Asian woman.

[CAM]

BTW: Not to be cocky...but I haven't experienced sexual incompatibility issues. Every partner of mine has fully enjoyed being with me (the sex tended to continue way after the emotional connection, on their part, began to visibly fade). I have only not fully enjoyed one person...some were better than others, but as long as you care about the person, the sex is good...most of it is about more than the physical act. I've always cared about my partners.

[CAM]

The "real question" that needs to be asked by me as we continue down friendship's path:

In some form, this must be asked:

"So, what is your goal with dating? Are you looking for a permanent relationship or are you just looking for companionship before moving on to the next phase of your career?" The responses will solve many dilemmas. I'm tired of dating (paying all the bills) for someone who is moving on...that's abusive of me, not sincere. I'm trying to be sincere.

[CAM]

See my earlier posts in questions for women regarding my ex and why she sticks around...

[iamaninnocentma]

stop being gay, pump them both and move on. you could end up spending over a 100 bucks on several dates and not get your hole from either if you keep pissing about and they find out your a don jaun with 2 on the go. if you do, letus know if its true what they say about the japs, that their hair is like a wire brush downstairs.

[CAM]

stop being gay, pump them both and move on. you could end up spending over a 100 bucks on several dates and not get your hole from either if you keep pissing about and they find out your a don jaun with 2 on the go. if you do, letus know if its true what they say about the japs, that their hair is like a wire brush downstairs.

Been there...it isn't like a wire brush. Mine have always shaved down there or have shaved and it has grown out soft. I've already done the "pump and move on" routine and I want something that lasts. Over a hundred bucks over several dates...hell, I spend over a hundred bucks on nearly every date. In the end, I like to go to nice places and nice places cost money. My last date was cheap--only $50. The previous date was $400

[iamaninnocentma]

400 bucks for 1 date? do you know you can get a playstation3 and 4 top titles for that sort of money? Thanks for answering my question about the wire brush, i think i was confusing japs with ginger people. let us know if you meet a ginger. i think its them that are wire brush like.

[IndiReloaded]

The "real question" that needs to be asked by me as we continue down friendship's path:

"So, what is your goal with dating? Are you looking for a permanent relationship or are you just looking for companionship before moving on to the next phase of your career?" The responses will solve many dilemmas.

That's an excellent question, and I agree with you in theory. I'm trying to imagine dating at this age, tho, and wondering how I'd respond to such a direct ask from a man I hardly knew. Unless there was a really strong rapport, I think it could frighten off some. Its a bit like asking a woman for a waltz but moving right into a tango (lol, that would be awesome tho).

You could just take a more balanced approach to dating until you are more certain. Many women today fully expect to pay their share of a date.

[smackie9]

If you know who Tom Leykis, he had great dating advice....stop spending big bucks on dates. Keep it simple and under 30 to 50 bucks. If the women truly likes you she won't be interested in how much you have spent on the date...she just wants to see you. Many men make the mistake of blowin high dough on the first few dates....they either get used or the woman expects it all the time. If both of these ladies are talkin about moving away for their career like you mentioned then why are you even bothering....a women that is looking for commitment won't be telling you that. If that is the case then like iamaninnocentma said, just pump both of them....you have spent enough money on them already.