Questioning morals if you had sex with engaged/married person.

[toshiba]

Fairly new GF asked me if I ever cheated on a GF. I said "no, but I was once hooked up with a girl that was engaged" [this was a long-term hook-up, once or twice a year (vacation house), then she got engaged and we hooked up once].

GF was like OMG, you don't care about marriage, how did you do that?!?! I said "SHE was the one cheating, it's not like I have to be the moral police, I was just the penis, she could have found another".

I believe the one engaged/married/exclusive has to be 100% responsible for maintaing faithfulness regardless of temptation. She says it's both people's fault if that one knows the other is supposed to be exclusive. That the one was preying on the other's weakness (she said the person getting married COULD have been vulernable/stressed, I asked how she knew, lulz?).

Lesson learned: Don't mention anything about past anything, even if it seems innocent, you can't convince someone analytical anything.

[Wakeup]

You are an enabler. You enabled someone else to cheat and although you may not think you are in anyway wrong for entertaining the whims of a cheater it DOES say about you that you have no personal boundaries and most women worth having would find your actions reprehensible.

You've learned no lesson, in fact all you've learned is to also be a liar by ommission if she asks a question about your past that is important in deciding if (to her) you are a trustworthy person and you fail to come clean.

[surfhb]

then again.....Guys would never get women if we told them all the stupid shit we've said (say) and did (do).

[IndiReloaded]

There are lies you tell others and those you tell yourself. Only difference is who you are lying to.

I'd dump you for this too. You sound like an ass.

[smackie9]

It shows you have no respect. It takes two to tango buddy boy.

[IndiReloaded]

then again.....Guys would never get women if we told them all the stupid shit we've said (say) and did (do).

I have a lot of sympathy for people who admit past mistakes and are genuine about being a better person. Shit happens, people do become attracted (or even love) to someone they shouldn't. The feelings themselves aren't the problem, its acting on them when the situation is inappropriate to do so. The OP acted inappropriately. He could have taken the high-road, but chose not to. Now he needs to take responsibility for his choice, which may include someone choosing not to want to be with his flavour of morality.

Anyway, OP, here's a quote to think about:

Reputation is what others think they know about you. Honour is what you know about yourself.

If you truly feel its right to be be having sex with a person who is committed to another, then no opinion anywhere (much less an anonymous forum) will change this. I hope your choices bring you happiness.

[VincenzoG91]

If that had been a bank robbery, she would have been in the bank pointing the gun and you would have been the wheelman. If caught, you would have both done jail time. You were an accessory to the crime. Take some responsibility for your actions, or be prepared for negative reactions.

[cheekxs]

She is right. And i hopi she brake up with you. cause you really have no morals.

You need to have some self respect and dignity.
If you know someone was a dude first and want to sex with you now that it have a attractive female face and body
will you have sex with it?

Then you shore will think what bad it is.
So why cant you think its bad to be with someone who is not single?

And that is no lesson learn. Its good that you told her, now she know what kind of person you are.
One that will do all bad and say but she wanted it, she asked me, it wasn't me. blehhhhhh,, non attractive behavior.
thats cause you think its normal to cheat also!

As long if its not your gf doing it to you. you a jerk!
If you did not penetrate her , she could not have sex with you. so you are
guilty for the same 100%. cause without your action she could not do it all. and
that amount of time.

[smackie9]

Yup I agree, sure we make mistakes....but your problem is that you don't see it as one, so ya she has every right to be concerned about dating you.

[celestina]

Lesson learned: Don't mention anything about past anything, even if it seems innocent, you can't convince someone analytical anything.

You'll be better off with a girl with the same moral values as you, who will love you just as you are, and won't judge what you did; no need to hide anything! She might go and sleep with an engaged/married man, but hey, at least she will never do it to you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I've slept with married and "committed" women before, and I've never cheated on a girlfriend. They're adults. They know what they're doing. One married woman even flipped out because I didn't want a relationship with her. O.o

I feel like once the person is genuinely willing **** someone else behind the other person's back, the relationship is over, and they're going to find someone else regardless. I may as well get a nut out of it. Why should I respect a marriage that isn't respected by the person who took the vow?

I suppose it is enabling, and even profiting, but if you look at it logically the blame has to lie at the feet of the person in the relationship. If you are committed or married, it is 100% your responsibility to stay faithful. End of.

[VincenzoG91]

I've slept with married and "committed" women before, and I've never cheated on a girlfriend. They're adults. They know what they're doing. One married woman even flipped out because I didn't want a relationship with her. O.o

I feel like once the person is genuinely willing **** someone else behind the other person's back, the relationship is over, and they're going to find someone else regardless. I may as well get a nut out of it. Why should I respect a marriage that isn't respected by the person who took the vow?

I suppose it is enabling, and even profiting, but if you look at it logically the blame has to lie at the feet of the person in the relationship. If you are committed or married, it is 100% your responsibility to stay faithful. End of.

So if you caught your woman in bed with another man, you wouldn't be angry with the guy? Even if he knew about you? What, would you shake his hand, maybe fetch him a beer? Because by your logic, he didn't do anything wrong.

[Ely North]

If a woman asks you if you've ever cheated, you say "NO"! No need to go into any more detail, no need to embellish - just a simple one-word answer. "NO"

[Wakeup]

^^^ Lying by ommission makes you a cheater (if you have) as well as a liar. Nice!

Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng

I've slept with married and "committed" women before, and I've never cheated on a girlfriend. They're adults. They know what they're doing. One married woman even flipped out because I didn't want a relationship with her. O.o

I feel like once the person is genuinely willing **** someone else behind the other person's back, the relationship is over, and they're going to find someone else regardless. I may as well get a nut out of it. Why should I respect a marriage that isn't respected by the person who took the vow?

I suppose it is enabling, and even profiting, but if you look at it logically the blame has to lie at the feet of the person in the relationship. If you are committed or married, it is 100% your responsibility to stay faithful. End of.

It doesn't matter if you end up with a partner that thinks like you do. The problem, as op has found out is when you fall for someone who has boundaries and integrity and they find your actions and attitude about it reprehensible to the point of not wanting anything else to do with you. I suspect that it won't matter much to women (or men if the situ is reversed) that have little to no self-worth/respect either.

The key is to swim in water that is at your own level.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Vincenzo, I wouldn't treat him as a friend, but I wouldn't beat his ass or anything either. I don't view it as his fault. At all. My girl is the one with the commitment to me, not this random guy. The other person is not the one that ruined the relationship; the person who cheats did.

I would expect a large percentage of guys to want to beat the other man's ass, but that's often the same type of insecurity that leads to their girl looking elsewhere in the first place. I know it has been in all 3 cases that I've been involved in.

I realize this topic is close to you. Your girl was a whore, and all that guy did is expose her for you. Being with her that long, you had to be thinking marriage..aren't you glad you didn't marry her?
I'm interested to know how you view your situation, and where you place the blame?