Demanding boyfriend

[elevator]

I'm not the most romantic or overly emotional female out there; I tend not to say 'I love you' 100 times a day and I'm not particularly needy. I love spending time with him after a long day watching TV, cooking, going to dinner, chatting etc but I've always had an awareness of giving and being given 'space' to just 'tune out' for a while after constant interaction throughout the day both at work and in my post grad classes etc. For me, just having someone there is often enough...I don't expect someone to be on the 'ready' 24/7.

He has a big problem with these things - apparently I'm not meeting his needs and everyday is a challenge for me in terms of wondering whether or not he'll get upset over something trivial. Apparently I'm not attentive enough, I'm not selfless enough and I don't make him feel loved enough.

I sort of look at things logically; there are certain things I have to do to keep my bills paid and to get somewhere in life. These things take time and energy. I'm not saying my relationship isn't a priority, but it's becoming a hindrance. Sometimes he'll want me to stay up all night talking about his issues when I'm literally 1/2 asleep.

Does this seem normal? My ex and I had a very different relationship; we'd do stuff on the weekends but our weeknights were relatively relaxed - he'd go play a video game, I'd read...we'd chat etc but it wasn't a 'chore' - I don't feel like I had to stop everything and give him hours of undivided attention.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from...but this relationship is starting to weigh very heavily...what do you guys think?

[dickriculous]

you sure he doesn't have a hidden vagina somewhere?

[Rowen]

I think your boyfriend needs to hear your side of things. To be honest, you're feeling smothered and drained while he's feeling like you don't care. I was in this situation before with the last man I was talking to on a more than friends level. Basically, I was sort of your boyfriend in my situation; the guy needed his space but didn't really talk to me about it, so it ended up having the reverse effect and caused me to worry he was losing attraction. In the end, I was only able to right the situation and come to the realization he felt smothered just because he expressed to me he's a guy who needs his space. Granted, it was during a massive argument, but it was a part of it that died down enough to be a civil conversation for a while... So, in my opinion, you need to have a conversation with him about this. Explain your side- that it doesn't mean you love him any less, just that you need some time to unwind and get away from all human contact for a little. Explain it to him gently. Tell him you love him to death and love spending time with him, but you also need your own personal downtime at times just to make sure your relationship doesn't burn out.

In the end, if he can't give you some space, then it might be best to move on or at least separate for a while till he can work everything out. Because it sounds like at the rate you're going, he's going to burn you out to the point you go bananas on him and leave or make things a lot worse.

Talk to him. It's the key to a healthy relationship.
I wish you the best of luck.

[coconutz]

talk to him about it.
let him know what you are busy with and when you can spent time etc.
and let him see if that is what he want.

at the other hand if you feel like you dont have time for relationships dont start them.
stay just friend with the person you like and meet with him when you can.
so none of you will waste each others time. and you can focus on making money

[Wakeup]

Apparently I'm not attentive enough, I'm not selfless enough and I don't make him feel loved enough.

The bottom line is he's plainly told you what his needs are in order to feel valued and loved by you. If you're unwilling or unable to fulfill those needs then perhaps you should be kind and let him go.

Hear what he's saying to you and if you love him, you will find a compromise in there somewhere that you can discuss with him that both of you will be more content with. Please value the fact that he's been able to communicate with you. Now you have the option of fixing this or ending this based on how yielding or unyielding you yourself can be.