Hi guys... question???

[happiness]

Ok guys...

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year now. We are very happy, we get on great, we have an amazing sex life and we've both openly talked about our future together (marriage, kids etc.) We don't live together, we have very separate lives friendswise etc which I think is great, but recently something has been niggling at me...

He has a mate, a girl mate, and she is well... i think she is pretty. not that that matters, neither of us are superficial its just she texts and calls all the time, she never used to mind, this is just recently. I should mention though, that her flat mate has been in hospital and she might have been needing some extra attention from friends but it has still been concerning me. Its causing problems between me and my boyfriend as he feels I don't trust him. I do trust him, its her I don't trust. These texts and calls have become more and more frequent and just the other night he got a text at about 2 in the morning from her, nothing untoward, but why does she need to text MY boyfriend at 2 in the morning.

She drinks... a lot, not that I'm judging, but the fact that she does concerns me even more. My boyfriend says I have nothing to worry about as he isn't attracted to her in any way and he just can't see the problem. I think its because he sees her as he sees any of his guy mates and he treats her exactly the same as them - this is true,i have witnessed it but it still bothers me. I know why - its because she is a girl, thats stupid I know, but it is still bothering me so how do I overcome it???!!!

Does anyone think I have anything to worry about? Any further questions to clarify anything please just ask. I think I just need to talk about this more than anything else.

Thanks

[vashti]

Hmm.. that is a tricky one. You admit there is nothing weird going on, so you can't really do much without looking psycho, right?

I am not a text-sender, but if your BF's phone is off, then he wouldn't have even known about the call until morning, right? It seems less invasive than a phone call. (If I am wrong about that, then your guy needs to be encouraged to set up stronger boundaries; I wouldn't want to be contacted in the middle of the night by anyone unless it was an emergency.)

I think that if/when he gets together with this girl, you try to join them. Don't act suspicious or possessive, and be friendly unless something actually happens.

[happiness]

I have been there before when they are out together, in fact there was one day when it was just the 3 of us but I reckon she only invited me cos she had to you know. It just concerns me that they are out drinking together all the time, drink does things to people, and i'm worried that something might happen, but I suppose if I keep nagging him i will push him closer and closer to that. I just hope that she doesn't fancy him I guess, but every text and phone call makes me worse.

You are right though, i do sound like pyscho, because when you look at the cold hard facts, he wouldn't cheat on me, he has never given me any reason to think he would, i know he loves me and it shouldn't matter if she does fancy him because he wouldnt do anything?

So how come I don't feel any better?