Should I send this letter?

[padadyme]

Kinda lost.... Im 27... We were friends at first while I was in a relationship with someone else, she trusted me, we connected, we had a ton.... but its changed... she never took the next step with me, when things started getting serious once I became single she pulled away... She has some trust issues, low self esteem, a bit of a troubled past... maybe we all do... I blame the fact that shes pulling away on that...but maybe I rushed things... I dont know... I have real feelings for her, I know who she is, she doesnt open up to many people, she has shared a lot with me... and I'm really in love with her... she used to feel the same with me... Right now we are on a break, she started sleeping with someone else who doesnt care about her... Hes trouble hes a superior at work, she feels guilty about it (supposedly... but it keeps happening), its been ripping my heart out and Ive told her I need to step away because it wasnt healthy for us anymore, but i want her back desperately.... and now shes as cold as ever... maybe shes pushing me away... I dunno.... Maybe you can infer the rest from this letter I wrote that I'm thinking about sending... Let me know if you think the letter will help... She shoots holes in my love, questions my sincerity, but this is how I feel, do you think it'll help? Is it a lost cause? If you have other questions about our relationship please ask them, Id really like to move forward with this woman and see what we could be....


Heres the letter I wrote tonight that I want to email her.....

Not sure if you read that long chain of emails from a couple days ago, i typed it up very fast but theres a lot of truth in there... But if I may, Ive thought a lot and would like to write you a little more, hopefully less rant-like...

I love you - You dont believe it or understand it because you struggle to love yourself and therfore if you struggle with it you cant reciprocate those feelings toward someone else, and you cant accept that someone else could love you. thats why you dont believe I love you, but I do.

And if I explain why maybe it will help - I fell in love with you while I was with someone else - im sorry that confuses you, but I do love you, Im 27... not that old, but old enough that Ive met a lot of people, and Ive never felt about someone like I do you... heres why....

Ive seen you at your best, and at your worst, youve opened up to me about everything, I know the real Hillary, not just whats on the surface... I know who you are Hillary...that is why I can say that I love you...

Youve been through a lot more than most people have to deal with in a lifetime - and you are amazingly strong, driven, and courageous... Youve delt with most of this on your own - I admire that, You push forward in spite of all the crap that youve had to deal with, you recognize your problems and you swallow your pride and take on your demons head on -- thats admirable, it shows the strength of your character.


Your laugh, your smile, your passion for life, your intelligence, your creativity, your curiosity and adventurous side, your bright spirit and glowing personality, your goofiness, your humor... it shines through all your pain, its contagious, it inspires me, it makes me want to be more like you.

I understand you, Ive experienced the same feelings you have... pain, loneliness, betrayal, self - defeating behaviours, I've been hurt by other people, I know what you feel inside even though we have experienced it in different forms, I relate to you, I see a lot of me in you, I think we are very alike, I know you very well, and the strength I see in you is why I have undeniable faith in you, I know that you will get through these difficult times and find true happiness.... soon... your close.

Your special Hillary, very special, I feel I can read people well, you know I can read you, theres a reason why I have faith in you, why I love you, even when you doubt yourself or my feelings, its because your not quite there yet, you cant quite embrace it, but your love for yourself is coming. I know it.

I do want you to consider that self-respect quote in my past email, and maybe glean the important messages out of that rant - I think theres some truth to it, I think it because ive been in your shoes, when your not respecting yourself, you wont be able to embrace the company, support, and genuine love of someone else, you wont be able to embrace your own love, this is a big reason why it isnt comfortable being close to me and being close to yourself, but soon that guilt, blame, shame, anger, and the secretes will fade and you can be true to yourself, and be proud of who you are, and then once that is there.... you will be able to share it with someone special....

Maybe that person will be me, maybe not, It doesnt matter Hillary, first and foremost you must find yourself....

I will find a way to adapt, to suppress my emotions and frustrations that you cant accept my love, i will listen to you and do anything i can to be a support in your life again, It will be a challenge, and I wont be perfect, but I will learn, I will listen, I will try, if you communicate with me your needs- I will listen to them.

You are beautiful, amazing, special, and I do love you... And I do not expect anything back from you other than to work on yourself, and Im sorry that my emotions have confused that message- but it takes practice to control them you understand

I will be there for you if it makes sense for you....If not, I will always be rooting for you from a distance, my feelings for you are strong, they will never fade, I know who you really are and that will never change.


Thoughts?

[surfhb]

She already rejected you. Be a man and tell her this in person....letters are a cop out

[Wakeup]

Are you sure you actually love her or is it just you not wanting to let go because you let yourself become vulnerable to her and you left someone to be with her. In other words. You had an emotional affair and once you were available to actually be with one another ~ she didn't want you.

Now, she's screwing the plant supervisor. Is he married or otherwise taken as well? If he is then she definately has some fear of committment because she has a pattern of getting bizzzy with people who are already committed and therefore she doesn't have to commit.

Anyway: You didn't ask about that, I just wanted to tell you to be careful what you wish for. You may want to google "White Knight Syndrome" (since you've hinted at her having some issues that you think you can save her from) before spill your guts either verbally or in the written form and take a step back to look at who she is realistically.

First you and now someone else at her place of work... Seems she doesn't learn anything from her past failed relationships at all.

my feelings for you are strong, they will never fade,

Don't be your own worse enemy.

[padadyme]

Ya... I read the Shining Knight post after I posted this... Damn, I think thats what I'm pretty much doing....its a huge bummer because I see a lot in this one... but she does have some issues that I'll need to admit that I cant fix... Bummer... And yup... The supervisor is Married... making some sense now... Thanks for the input

[smackie9]

Dude she friend zoned you.

[Wakeup]

Ya... I read the Shining Knight post after I posted this... Damn, I think thats what I'm pretty much doing....its a huge bummer because I see a lot in this one... but she does have some issues that I'll need to admit that I cant fix... Bummer... And yup... The supervisor is Married... making some sense now... Thanks for the input

Seems you've had a bit of an epiphany then. My suggestion is that you keep that letter to yourself, read it over a few times while keeping in mind your recent insight into the reality of the issue and then burn it once you're ready to accept and move on.

She's not worthy or your love, sadly. The good thing is she's not talking to you because I think women (people) like her are always going to be looking for the next one to unintentionally screw over so her ignoring of you will certainly help you to get over your disappointment.. particularily if you're ignoring her back.

Be well.