Dating A Recently Divorced Guy, When Is It Serious? Don't Want to Scare Him!

[scubabubbles]

Hi Everyone,
I could really use some help as I've never gone out with a guy who has been divorced for more than a few dates. I've been seeing someone for 4 months now. We spend most of the weekends together (i.e. we're around each other for almost 48 hours straight) and sometimes during the week, despite our sometimes hectic work schedules. I'm 34 and never married, engaged, etc. He's a few years older than me and his divorce was finalized earlier this year.
I really like him and I'm definitely falling for him. I am feeling the slight urge to tell him I love him but I don't want to freak him out. I don't know much about his marriage (after all, it's over) but I know that they separated after 2 years of marriage and then it took about 1.5 years for the papers to be signed. I also know that he left her and that it wasn't amicable.
We started dating about a week before he signed the papers and he made it very clear that it was over and that it had been for some time. I'm just not sure if he's ready to be in love again. I don't know for certain, but I'm pretty sure that I'm the first relationship he's had since his marriage/separation.
Do I treat him differently than I would a guy I'm dating who has never been married? I don't want to hit the 5 month mark without either telling him I'm falling for him or making sure we are officially an item. But I don't want to scare him.
Thoughts?

[basilandthyme]

Have you talked with him about how you feel? Does he feel he's ready for a relationship?

[smackie9]

Communication is the only way to find out if you are on the same page. If he isn't ready to fall in love and the possibility for marriage, you know to cut out of this relationship early because you don't have time to wait for him to make up his mind. Just ask him what are his expectations, like is he in this for just companionship, open to getting married again, children? or have you already discussed this?

[TablesandChairs]

You didn't force him to start dating you - it's something he entered into freely. As such, none of this 'but he's not ready' bull applies - if he wasn't ready, he should not have entered into a relationship. Don't put yourself in some second-rate position - you deserve a full relationship - his previous divorce/marriage is not your issue...if he has issues with commitment as a result, then back to the first point...don't start dating because in all likelihood dating = relationship = commitment. Unless he was upfront about a 'casual' only deal.

So, expect what you would expect from any man.