How would you feel? And react?

[flipside84]

i posted this in the guy's one, but wondering if I'm legit in how i feel...I go to work every day and my boyfriend catches up with all his old friends that are in the area, now that he has time coz he's on holiday. Ok, so all his old friends are EX GIRLFRIENDS. And one girl (8 years his junior) keeps messaging him every day, asking when they're gonna hang out, saying she misses him etc. I knew he had exes that were friends before (we've been friends for years but together only the last 8 months or so) but the more serious we get, the more this effects me. I told him how I feel and he's gone all extreme saying Fine he won't see any of his friends, is that better? ha ha guys are so like that aren't they
How can i get over this feeling of insecurity, and is it his lack of affection/lack of attention causing it, or just that I feel really strongly towards him and now see them as a threat? I've never been jealous like this before, and I've been in a few really serious relationships. What is wrong with me?

[misombra]

how old are you guys?

[vashti]

Does he include you on these outings with other women, or does he try to keep you separate? And if you DO go, how is his behavior? Is he affectionate with you in front of people? (meaning, does he put his arm around you, sit close to you, etc.)

If he acts like he's a single, available guy when he's around them, I might be worried. If he is just hanging out and it is clear he is into YOU, I wouldn't stress over it.

[jadelil25]

Do you know how he acts when he is around them? Do you know what messages he sends back to them?

If he is affectionate with you in public and happy to be seen with you in public I would say there is nothing to worry about. Do you know who these girls are, does he include you with the hang outs?

You can not stop a guy having friends who are girls. If you do he probably would not like it.

I am sure that it is nothing to worry about.

[flipside84]

i'm 24 & he 28. I just can't understand why i care so much about this stupid girl, the others i don't give a shit about, but i guess it's coz they don't msg him all the time. I try not to look in his phone (i really hate that & have never felt the need!) but every msg just grinds my gears & i have to keep doing it! I guess it's the sneakiness that annoys me, like he never tells me what the messages say or if he's planning on hanging out with her. In one msg she says Call me, but according to his phone he doesn't...then he msgs back What about 2morrow then? Like he's giving in to her hassling him to see her. Grr! Oh yeah, & he never acts affectionate in public, ever! I swear he is the total opposite of any guy i've been with.

[annoyed23]

tell him that the affection he is showing to her bothers you, and that you feel like as his girlfriend you would like to be included on his friendships. I am the same way...only the girl that grinds my gears just had my mans baby....so im stuck with her. (shes not as bad as ive made her out to be in my head), and i actually kinda like hanging out with her. you need to know the intent behind the messages, and wanting to hang out. thats whats bothering you...she bothered me because i didnt know what her intents were with my man going to her house every week to see his daughter with her there, but hashing my issues out with her, and spending time with them together helps me understand their friendship and why its important to my man...and reassures me that the boundaries are set and will not be broken.

[flipside84]

wow that's pretty hard core, must have been hard to get over that. Well i had a really big talk to him and he's stopped seeing her and cut down on talking to her...she's really cut and I feel bad now, but i just can't help the way I feel. But i know that she has more than friends in mind and I wonder why the hell he entertains the idea and strings her along. I'm really glad he's done this because it shows he's being serious and mature...plus I talked to one of his best mates last nights about it and he can't believe he stopped talking to her for me - he said i must be pretty special. So I feel good about that! His mate said i'm pretty brave to go in with a guy like mine - who has had freedom his whole life and doesn't listen to anyone.
So we'll see. Thanks for your help

[carl1222]

wow that's pretty hard core, must have been hard to get over that. Well i had a really big talk to him and he's stopped seeing her and cut down on talking to her...she's really cut and I feel bad now, but i just can't help the way I feel. But i know that she has more than friends in mind and I wonder why the hell he entertains the idea and strings her along. I'm really glad he's done this because it shows he's being serious and mature...plus I talked to one of his best mates last nights about it and he can't believe he stopped talking to her for me - he said i must be pretty special. So I feel good about that! His mate said i'm pretty brave to go in with a guy like mine - who has had freedom his whole life and doesn't listen to anyone.
So we'll see. Thanks for your help

By his response, I am assuming you didn't go with "I don't want you talking with Lolita any more" but rather something like "It makes me uncomfortable that Lolita expresses such an interest in you and apparently has little respect for our relationship." If so, good for you.

Also, good for him for understanding and respecting your feelings, and putting them ahead of what appears to be an innocent (on his part) friendship.

It's a very good sign that he is open about his contacts ... a cheater wouldn't do that.

Carl.