What conversations are safe?

[fixbayonets]

This is kind of a follow-up or an addition to my original post, "Am I forever stuck on the "Just Friends" List," but I was thinking about it today and thought I would share:

It's been awhile now since it occured to me that having a relationship with my friend probably isint going to happen, and Im still trying to get over it. It's easier than it was, but I still find myself thinking about it regularly. She said she wasnt going to let it effect the relationship, and for the most part it hasnt on her part. However, it HAS effected me, even though I tried not to let it. The amount of contact we have had recently has declined, partly because we've both been busy, and partly because It's hard for me to talk to her and know in the back of my head that "this is it". That may sound selfish but I cant think of any better way to describe it. I hate that I dont talk to her as much, but I dont know what to do.

Example. There is a girl I work with that Ive kind of been talking to, (although she is nowhere NEAR my feelings for this girl ), and I would usually talk about this to my friends, but I dont know if I should with her or not.

Then there are the times that she calls me, and it's usually just to talk. We just talk and talk for sometimes over an hour about almost anything, theres no telling where the conversation will go. In retrospect, we talk about the DUMBEST things, but I wouldnt trade it for anything. I cant do that with any of my other friends, I dunno, we just....dont.

I feel that we are close enough to talk about anything, but I dont know what all I should. I dont want her to think that I dont like talking to her, but I dont want to say the wrong things if there is even the SLIGHTEST possibility that we could have a relationship down the road.

I dont know what to do, Im just really confused right now.
I know this must be really confusing to read, but I guess I just want to know:

What topics shouldnt I bring up when we talk?

Is there anything I SHOULD be bringing up?

Am I nieve or wasting my time thinking that something may come of this?

Should I explain why it's hard for me to talk?

Once again, I PUT IT TO YOU! PLEASE SEND HELP!

[Jay-Tea]

Hi there.. it's nice to be back again

We're in some sort of a similar situation at the moment. You see, I'm also in the "waiting" stage. I'm still very much in love with this guy until now and (like you said) I wouldn't trade our time together for anything even when it's no longer the way it used to be. Yours may not have started yet and mine's long been over but the bottom line is, we don't like being "just friends" with them. That's love. Not that you must keep hoping even when the other person has already made it clear that there won't be anything beyond friendship for both of you. That is why, while nothing's "final" yet, love is nurtured by the time spent together wether in person or over the phone.

In your case, try to be sensitive and resourceful- meaning, try to find out what interests the other person so you'll know what you can talk about. And being sensitive would also mean, knowing how she really feels and if it's the right time for you to be honest about your feelings. I'm sure you would not want to simply keep all of that to yourself forever, would you? And you said you've been spending hours just talking and stuff? I think that's a pretty good sign. Certainly, nobody would want to spend that much time if there's no interest involved. Just be honest about your feelings. I don't think it would hurt to admit that it is hard for you to talk. It might even cause her to appreciate you more for allowing her to know you as a real person...fears and all.

Hope this helps somehow

[fixbayonets]

See, I would think all the talking we do would be a definate sign of interest, but this girl is INCREDIBLY hard to read, Ive never seen anyone like her before. And when it comes right down to it, it has never really been made final that there is no interest in me. When my friend slipped and told her that I like her, she told him she was flattered and all, and that she wasnt going to let it effect the friendship. I took that as being kind of a rejection, just not directly to me. Or am I wrong? I really dont know, like I said, I never can tell with this girl. Having that said, what all do you think I should say if I decide to tell her how I feel. I havent in the past because I am scared to death that it will negative effect the friendship. Any thoughts?

[Jay-Tea]

The more you think about it, the greater the worries and fears become. I don't think what she said meant that she's rejecting you. She probably just feels the way you do - afraid to reveal her feelings.

Negative or positive, you'll never know lest you try

[DuckyWucky]

Damn I hate girls...

J/K. I've been in your shoes before man and let me say, it truly does suck. After the person you're crazy about finds out you like them, and there is no mutual attraction on their part. You're basically left with all these emotions, but you can't do anything about it, you can only try and move on.

I told myself I would stay friends with this girl that found out I liked her, but that wasn't a great idea being I still had strong feelings for her. This led me to being hurt even more down the road. She told me she didn't want a BF, when really she wouldn't have minded having one, just not me. Before she knew I liked her, she told me how bad she wanted someone. If you're not truly over this girl, it's best to distance yourself from her for a little bit. At least until your feelings for her are a little diluted.

I wouldn't care anymore about having something with this girl. You're wasting your time waiting for her, when she could care less about dating you. You're in the dreaded friends category, and sometimes it's extremley hard to get out that, if ever. In the meantime you should meet other girls. Get to know them and I bet you'll find someone you feel just as strong for sooner or later.

Listen to Third Eye Blind - Motorcycle Driveby

[fixbayonets]

I spent some time with her a few nights ago with a bunch of friends, and I have been thinking alot about it the last few days. (Ive also been taking into consideration what you all have said...thanx for the input) Ive decided that I think I should tell her what I feel, even though Im almost positive that I will not get the answer I want. I dont think I will be able to get completely over her and move on until I just let it all out and make sure she knows how I feel. Then if I am still rejected, then I at least know that I did everything that I could. However, Ive never done this before,(hell, Ive never felt this way before), and I dont know what to say. I have so many things I want to say to her, yet I dont want to make her uncomfortable or scare her away.

What can I say to her without saying too much and scaring her?

Is this a good idea to begin with?

What SHOULD I say? When?

I appreciate everybody answering to my questions in the past, it has helped me begin to answer some questions. Now I ask for your help again. I'd do anything for this girl, now I just have to find a way to tell her.

[DuckyWucky]

I don't think you should tell her anything. She knows you like her, why remind her again? If anything it'll make her like you less. Forget being with her. Move on. You know that feeling you have that she's going to turn you down again? Well, go with that because that's what's 90% likely going to happen.

I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. I just don't want you to waste your time on this girl anymore. Sure you like her but she doesn't feel the same. I'm not going to mislead you, I have no reason to. I speak from experience.