being a spoiled brat has become the end of a relationship

[tossip]

Well... it is finally the end of a 6 month relationship that I am in with a woman that I loved... I truly wanted her so much that I did anything to still continue the relationship no matter what the circumstances were... but those were feelings of selfishness... and not love... only did I realize that too much love from one person can lead to feelings of possessiveness, the inability to LISTEN to her when she wants to let go, the LACK OF CONSIDERATION of her decisions when it involved to the result of breaking up, my recurrent TEMPER tantrums when she doesn't love me back when she isn't on the mood (I always wanted to have all the attention in me...), my INABILITY TO HANDLE THE DELAY OF GRATIFICATION whether she loves me or not... or whether she wants to go back with me or not... I was just totally IMPATIENT... I always demanded that it will always be "MY WAY"... and that I always DOMINATED OVER HER DECISIONS... yes... the capitalized words are those of a true and genuine SPOILED BRAT...

I never knew I had it in me though... I was a spoiled brat before when I was still in grade school and even a school bully myself... I promised to make a change for myself when I entered highschool... I changed and became a different person. But ever since she came to my life, the true test finally came...

She was really not that committed to me since she loved her studies more than love life. So she always kept the relationship "on and off"... OFF meaning that she wanted to let go because she said she doesn't want to have a relationship" and ON meaning she reconciled and can't take it when I'm out of her life... she needed me when in times she was lonely. To shorten up what I've said in here, she is indecisive and has a fickle mind. I can't blame her though... she's still young as well. But it was a problem that has tested my patience and let my darkest of my personality out.

I knew that it wasn't good to even continue the relationship with her due to her inability to decide a fully committed relationship. But I loved her so much that I wanted the relationship to continue.

The final blow that ended the relationship was the time when I felt mad that she wasn't that "loving" to me and had an argument about it... I pushed myself to the limit and called her "plastic" for not being that committed and other more hurtful words that made her decide to break with me. I felt hurt for her breaking with me and wanted to say sorry and come back. She forgave me but refused on continuing the relationship. The next day I still pursued to let the relationship continue but she refused due to the fact that she kept a "secret" from me.

Since last week, her aunt discovered that her elder sister had a relationship. Her aunt is the one that helped them from their education by giving them money and is strict when one of their niece is having a relationship. Now their aunt isn't supporting her elder sister anymore because she doesn't trust her anymore and that if any one of their other niece slips up and does the same thing, she will also stop helping them from their schooling. This is the thing that blocked her from continuing our relationship and why she kept refusing to come back with me.

She wanted me to understand that she will ALWAYS give up love life over her studies since that was her main goal in her life... to finish her studies. I still was mad at her for not telling me that earlier and that I still insisted to keep the relationship secret so that we could still continue it. She got discouraged from me... I almost didn't let her fulfill her dreams due to my own selfish feelings... so this is where she finally decided that she won't come back with me because "I only cared for myself and didn't consider her part". I was on the wrong this time... this is where I "lacked the ability to understand others"... I kept insisting on going back but her mind was made up... she was tired of my attitude.

I know that this will scar me for the rest of my life... But I also thanked for her time... At least from that experience I know what to do next if ever I come in contact with another relationship... it is UNDERSTANDING... the most important part in a relationship(imo) and getting rid of my attitude of being a SPOILED BRAT. This will also serve as a lesson to me in later life to never do it again...

If any of you have things to add up and advice me, I will be glad to read them.

-tossip

[lahnnabell]

Don't shoulder ALL the blame. Like you said, she is fickle and needs to mature if she's going to figure out what she really wants. From what it sounds like, if she wants her studies to come first, she needs to take a step back from serious relationships. It is unfair of her to put herself out there to you (you who love her dearly), then take herself off the market whenever she feels like it.

You need to show her that you do not deserve this crap by being strong and moving on. Perhaps you were a little demanding with your affections, but I can see that as a honest result of having gotten the old "hot 'n cold" game from this chick.

[shheadz]

Sounds like you're beating yourself up a bit too much there buddy. Seems like you've taken the negative things she's said about you, and sewn them into your mental thought process. Don't listen to her! Her on and off again behavior was a pretty bitchy thing to do. It wasn't unreasonable of you to ask for the relationship to continue in secret, since you'd been doing that all along anyway. She was fine with it then.

[tossip]

Thanks for your posts to the both of you... (*tears of comfort flowing in his eyes*).

But like I said... I really need to change though... I'm just too greedy and possessive over her ^_^.
I don't know if I'm sure of what I'm going to say but I don't really think I'd get a girlfriend if I continued that attitude of mine which has gone to the limit. At least through her I know that I WILL and MUST change...

[lahnnabell]

Learning from one's mistakes is a very important part of life. Good job and good luck on moving forward