Feeling a little down!

[Rosebud]

Ok so I hope I don't come off as a total loser here but I'm feeling a little depressed lately. Here's the deal.

I met my boyfriend 4 years ago through mutual friends. Over the years, we have maintained the same friends and still hang out with them all the time. Some are in relationships and some have kids as well but not many. When I first started dating him I hung out with him more than my friends and mind you I was a very social person. Well since we had our daughter almost 2 years ago my friends and I distanced ourselves a little because it was hard to go out a lot for me. Some of those friends I still talk with but for the most part since we don't have things in common anymore I have lost several friends along the way. They are out meeting people and doing things I did at 21 and earlier and I'm at a differnet level in my life now. I stay at home with my daughter and take care of her and it's hard for me to get out of the house and when I do it's mostly with my bf and his guy friends which are my close friends as well. Thing is, I want my own friends again and speaking as though most of my friends now are guys I would want some females to be able to talk with ya know? We have a big circle of friends but that's the key "we". I have talked about going back to school a couple days a week to meet people and have time to myself but that wouldn't be until January.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or had this happen? I feel like a loser because all my chick friends don't have kids and we aren't on the same level anymore. Not that I think I'm better than them but that they don't look at things the same way I do which makes us not connect like we used to anymore.

[Tone]

I don't see why you guys can't still hang out? You don't have to have or not have kids to be friends with people. I understand though you can't do some of the things they can like go out and whatnot, being you have a kid and a committed relationship...

But don't feel like a loser. I lost contact with a lot of my friends during my last relationship and am just now starting to get things back together and on track... I use to go hang out every weekend and always have a good time, and we'd hang out various times durin the week too... now I'm lucky to go hang out once a week. And a lot of my old friends act like lil punks to me now.. but I mean I can't really blame them ya know?

I just see it as - I got myself into this mess - only I can get myself out. So maybe you should try that too? If you want to have more girl friends - you have to be the one who goes out and makes that effort ya know?

[Rosebud]

right, I agree with you. I call those friends all the time but I think it's they view me as having a kid so I don't fit in with them anymore. I'm not invited to a lot of things becasue they assume I can't make it. I do make a very good effort, by calling and making plans but other friends get put in front of me and they hang out with them instead. And that hurts a little ya know?

[Junsui]

I understand. All of my girl friends are in a different city! I don't know what you can do till you can go back to school to meet people. I think you should be able to hang out with your old friends some, maybe just go out to eat once a week or every two weeks or whatever.

[Tone]

Next time you talk to them just be like "Why don't yall invite me next time you <something fun>!"

Hey as long as you're making the effort - then it's on them why they doggin you out. If it's like that, then maybe look to make some new friends, like at work or somethin? We can be your e-friends. If you can find a date you can double date with shh! and I Friday night - we'll be at the Chatroom here on LF.

Alllllllllllll night

[TAVS]

Dont really know what to say. Join a club or something?

[Rosebud]

yeah I try that sometimes, and we live about 30 minutes away from our friends and everyone normally works really odd hours since most of them are cops. But another perfect example is one of our friends always has a big halloween party and everyone comes every year. This year we decided we were going to ahve the party since we have a new house and larger. Well I told everyone 2 weeks ago when it was and I just got some replies this week that almost everyone has other plans for that weekend and one of my friends who I've known for 6 years but distanced herself from me hasn't even responded. So now we are going to cancel it. This has never happened to me before. Whenever I had a party everyone would come, because they new it would be good. But now it's totally differnet. Ugh! I know there isn't mcuh I can do but I can't help getting down over this all the time and it hit me hard yesterday about this halloween party thing.

[Rosebud]

LOL.. thanks tone! you made me feel a little better.

Yeah I wish I could make some friends at work but I'm a stay at home mom and I've tried getting back into the workforce but they look down on people who haven't had a job for almost year even if it is to take care of my child.

[Junsui]

Really? I got a job and I hadn't worked in 4 years lol.

[Rosebud]

yeah it sucks, I went on an interview last week and they told me they were hesitant because I hadn't worked in almost a year even though I was overqualified for the job. I guess they were honest but I wouldn't want to work for a company like that anyways. Most people don't udnerstand how hard it is to take be at home 24-7 and not have a way out or a break. Grr that company made me mad!!!!

[Tone]

Go to a temporary agency - maybe work a few temp positions just so you get some more recent work experience to go for the better jobs.

[Junsui]

Martha Stewart should know. Of course she probably has tons of cool stuff to do at home.

[Rosebud]

I was thinking about that because it would be good for me to go back to work, but my bf just got a better job paying a lot more and he wants me to stay at home so we wouldn't have to put our daughter into daycare. Ugh... I'm so torn with all these things I don't know what the hell to do!

[shh!]

Rosebud, I have been in your shoes! It is very isolating to have a baby, which of course, no one ever tells you about before you have them! The first year or so is the absolute WORST as far as being socially isolated and lonely. You have GOT to find a group of women who are young mommies too. Do one of those silly "mommy and me" classes or a playgroup. There will be a whole group of women who are as desperate to connect as you are, and you will already have something in common with them. The best friends I have now all came from that playgroup. Naturally, you won't like ALL the women, but you are sure to find at least a couple...

[Rosebud]

wow! they actually have those! hmm, never knew that before how did you find it?