What personal aspects underlie 'strength' and 'being there for someone'?

[loveandfinance]

Hey,

What personal traits do you think create a platform on which strength and being there for someone can exist on? Being there through anything: venting, grief, etc. (I ask just because of venting, wondering the best way to behave and such)

For strength, I've thought of the following:
-self-confidence
-self-esteem
-positive thinking
-fearlessness
-courage (is this a topic you can study?)

And for being there for someone, which I think can only stem off of strength:
-empathy (main one, to feel what the other person is feeling)
-people skills

-conversation skills

-listening skills

-reading people

-stress management

Please add to these lists! I'm trying to kill off the appearance of neediness, dependence, and insecurity and be more independent and reliable. As male, I should be taking care of a girl, not the other way around in a tough time. At least, that's something I want to build for myself and it would make me happy. It feels right to me to work on these things. Any suggestions are strongly considered for my personal development plan and schedule! Thanks in advance!

Have a great day!
-L&F

[Gaylord Focker]

um, ask Dr.Phil?

[AnnonymousMan]

Interesting topic. I know for me personally I pick friends carefully. I just don't like people in general is why I am so selective. I tend to be compassionate and easily taken advantage of because of that. Compassion is most definitely a strength from my own personal experience but when it is shown to the wrong people they can easily take advantage of it.

Everything you listed can also be a weakness, not a strength. Fearlessness combined with stupidity will only get you into trouble. Positive thinking is kind of sketch, I get the basis of it, but being to much of an optimist will tend to make you disregard or prepare for bad situations. I tend to be only a pessimist since I always feel that if I can fix everything wrong, I will only be left with the positive. Self confidence can turn you arrogant. These are all strengths but you have to realize how they can also be weaknesses if you want to effectively build a good self character.

If you are trying to kill off neediness, dependance, and insecurity, my best advice is to start with insecurity. Analyze yourself and break down why you do the things you do. For example if you are dependent upon people perhaps there is a reason for that. Maybe you have no feeling of self worth or you think everyone else is better than you and always will be. Maybe you have grown to feel that you cannot make it on your own when in reality you need to view yourself as needing to beat everyone else around you. Not in a conceded way or a way in which you become full of yourself, but in a way that you gain determination and you know you can out skill or beat anyone like it is competition. You need to challenge yourself here but don't let it turn you into something negative. There are limits. Neediness is very common and I wouldn't consider it a flaw. I would just say that you need to learn to make yourself happy in every aspect before you can "need" something that is obtainable from someone else. Insecurities will eat you alive and if you overcome your insecurities and really gain a sense of self worth you will find yourself less dependent or needy naturally.

Strengths - Compassion, Forgiveness, & confidence (in every area of your life) in my opinion will always be the top strengths. The first two can bite you in the ass hard though.