my shocking weekend...

[Bo]

well..we won't go into the shocking details but...

The point is...I'm really starting to like this new guy that I wrote about a couple weeks ago. We've been seeing each other more lately. Idk, I'm starting to really like him and I absolutely hate it because I'm at a point in my life where I've lost trust in just about everyone in my life (i found out for the second time in my life, one of my [ex]friends slept with my guy that i was with for 3 years behind my back and didn't even have the fkn nerves to tell me). We won't get into that though, or all the other unfortunate events that unfolded after that. *sigh, anyways but I've really fighting with myself over this guy, i'm not sure if it'll turn into anything serious but our relationship has gotten 'more' serious over the past couple weeks. He's really sweet so far and is really understanding, he makes me laugh and that's been hard to do lately. But the problem is right now, i don't know if I'm if ready to let ANY new guy into my life.... :/
So should i fight my feelings and just stop hanging out with this guy or should i keep seeing him?

[Illusional]

you sound like you've already made that decision all by yourself.

raverboy

[Vain]

A little bit of trust can go a long way. You don't have to trust him completely. Your decision to remain with him or not is something you need to decide for yourself. Figure out what you feel you need in this point in your life and whether pursuing this will grant you what you seek.

[CAM]

Be honest with yourself because it seems like you are making excuses to get out of the relationship because you don't really want a relationship with him.

No need spending time demonizing the guy...just be honest about what you want or don't want. You'll be happier once you realize that is what is going on here.

[Bo]

Be honest with yourself because it seems like you are making excuses to get out of the relationship because you don't really want a relationship with him.

No need spending time demonizing the guy...just be honest about what you want or don't want. You'll be happier once you realize that is what is going on here.

making excuses? I actually do really like him and if you haven't read the previous thread about it. He's leaving next fall for his 4th year of college. I might actually be transferring to the same university but not for a couple more years, i'm staying local until i get most of my prerequisites done.
The point is that I like him a whole lot more than I want to. But being in a relationship or even dating right now scares me.

[Bo]

A little bit of trust can go a long way. You don't have to trust him completely. Your decision to remain with him or not is something you need to decide for yourself. Figure out what you feel you need in this point in your life and whether pursuing this will grant you what you seek.

If things continue to develop between us than I would want a relationship. I'm that type of person, i love having a significant other and always have. I guess i'm scared of getting hurt again. He's about 4 years older than me, and it's pretty obvious to both of us that there is a connection. We hung out today and it was just a good time. I enjoy his company and it seems like he enjoys having me around since he always wants to see me. He seems like a trustworthy and legit guy, i'm just completely freaked out at the idea that I have feelings for him.

[Illusional]

you're tripping... you two have just started dating and now you're acting as if you're going to marry this guy. why not CHILL, like i said and just see where the road takes you.

raverboy

[CAM]

The point is that I like him a whole lot more than I want to. But being in a relationship or even dating right now scares me.

Okay then; this goes along with what I said earlier--making excuses isn't a bad thing per se, it just means that you don't feel right about things. I've liked the right people at the wrong time and found myself doing similar things.

[Vain]

Trust can be hard to give but if you really feel better having someone there in your life; why not give it another chance? Yes the possibility is that you may get hurt again but as it is said: "It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all." Something like that anyway, I am sure you know what I mean anyway.

I understand your fear of commitment and how afraid you are to get hurt again, believe me I feel the same way right now. I blew off a perfectly sweet (and attractive girl, if I may so boldly declare) in fear that I may be hurt again. First date went well and all but then I just got a bit scared, panicked, and kinda put her down lightly. I completely regret it, it could of turned into something amazing. Of course you have a lot more going in this case you have known each other for quite awhile, have hung out, and have chemistry.

Have you talked to him about your concerns at all? Perhaps if you explain to him what bothers you, he will offer you some sort of reassurance with your concern.

[Bo]

you're tripping... you two have just started dating and now you're acting as if you're going to marry this guy. why not CHILL, like i said and just see where the road takes you.

raverboy

Maybe i am taking it too seriously....

Trust can be hard to give but if you really feel better having someone there in your life; why not give it another chance? Yes the possibility is that you may get hurt again but as it is said: "It is better to have loved than to have never loved at all." Something like that anyway, I am sure you know what I mean anyway.

I understand your fear of commitment and how afraid you are to get hurt again, believe me I feel the same way right now. I blew off a perfectly sweet (and attractive girl, if I may so boldly declare) in fear that I may be hurt again. First date went well and all but then I just got a bit scared, panicked, and kinda put her down lightly. I completely regret it, it could of turned into something amazing. Of course you have a lot more going in this case you have known each other for quite awhile, have hung out, and have chemistry.

Have you talked to him about your concerns at all? Perhaps if you explain to him what bothers you, he will offer you some sort of reassurance with your concern.

That very true, that's part of the reason why I'm a little confused about it. Right now is probably not the right time for me to being seeing anyone but he seems like a really great guy and I don't want to let this opportunity pass me by. He seems a lot more mature than the last guy i dated (I'm hoping that he is since 3 years older than my ex). I'm definitely not even thinking about marrying him or anything of that sort. I haven't talked to him about this yet because I don't want him to think I'm planning on getting into a serious relationship. That might be a little weird for him to already be having that kind of talk with me so early.

Yesterday was a little weird since a couple days ago we found out that he knew my best friend's dad and I had told him some things that probably should not have been repeated to anyone else (My best friend and her father (we'll call him R) do not talk any longer or have a relationship anymore because he's a abusive and has a lot of issues. He's knows her dad because his mom use to work with with R). I found out that he told his mom about me and about her dad and it ended up causing quite a ruckus with my best friend and her family. Being that R ended up calling my best friend's mother whom he has been divorced from for years and was really mad. I was told that the guy I'm seeing (we'll call him T) directly told R about these things which kinda upset me because those were things that should have been kept between us.

I confronted him about it calmly and he got pretty upset and wouldn't tell me what was going on. So I said "well maybe we shouldn't talk anymore". He replied with "if that's what it takes". I asked him what that was supposed to mean and he said he didn't want to stop talking to me. Later on he eventually told me that his mom has told R about all of it.

I don't now if that's a sign that i shouldn't trust him, being that it was his mom that he told and I really don't think he meant for it to cause problems. But the fact that he was upset and made it pretty clear that he didn't want to stop seeing me gave me some reassurance.

[Vain]

I would do your best to resolve and get past this conflict if you can. See if you can just keep things simple and see where it goes. No use in rushing anything, don't want to put anymore pressure. By the way it sounds, he definitely doesn't want to remove you from his life, but he has considered it as he had said "If that's what it takes." It seems like this predicament could be passed, but if you guys decide to not talk to each other again, it might not necessarily be the end of things. It could potentially bring you closer.

And of course I know your not planning on marrying him or anything like that but I think you should consider just taking it easy and casually seeing each other. If you see each other a couple times a week; make an attempt to see each other more often, give it a couple of weeks and then decide what you will do or take the time to further consider your options at hand. Best of luck.