Dinner with the ex

[freem]

My ex and I have broken up for about 5 years now but keep in regular contact through the internet as I have moved away to a different city. When we were dating, I found him to be untrustworthy with other girls on the side (he claims nothing really "happened"). We've moved past this through the years and are pretty amicable.

I'm unsure how he feels about me. In the past year we've gotten a bit closer and when in town, he's taken me out to dinner. Recently, he was in town with friends and the plan was to all hang out together. When the time came, he felt he wanted some time away from his friends so we ended up going out to dinner, just to two of us, which he paid for again as well as offering to pay for my parking. He's gotten a girlfriend, who I doubt knows of these dinners (and if she does, I'm sure he tells her I'm just an old friend). Meanwhile, he'll sometimes send me messages about how he missed me, or will compliment me in my pictures. He always initiates the conversation, not me.

We've made a big deal to stay friends, so is this normal male friend behavior? We dated a long time ago for almost a year but it wasn't anything really serious. He's moved on and had other gf's since then. I don't want to lead him on, but don't want to over-react if he was indeed just being friendly.

[Cbrider]

Sounds to me like he has some lingering feelings for you. Even if he tells his girl about these dinners and whatnot, its still a little shady in my opinion. The big red flag is that he pays for your dinner and offers to pay for your parking. That's not just a friendly gesture when hes in a relationship.

His girl doesn't know or is a total dipshit.

[bloodtippedrose]

He might feel bad about what he did in the past and is unconsciously making up for it. Or maybe he misses the good times you guys had together. I dont think he intended to get laid or initiate a side relationship with you but I could be wrong. its not like it would be something new for him

[freem]

yeah, I don't think this is about getting laid or anything. I can't tell if it's just the lingering feelings or if he's just being nice to me because he still feels guilty about how he treated me. We have talked in length about it many times and I've moved past it, he knows this. To me, it's weird to go to dinner with an ex, even if it's been many years, and insist on paying for everything when you have a gf. These dinners weren't cheap either. I should also mention that the last time I saw him before all these dinners was about 3 years ago when I moved away, and we shared a drunken kiss.

However, we live very far from one another so this could also be treated as a "special occasion" for seeing me and perhaps he's just trying to be gentlemanly by paying.

[Cbrider]

Its possible that he is just feeling a flood of feelings from the past and feels guilty. I have had that happen with me over past things, but I think my decisions through and its easy to ward the feelings when I think of why I did what I did.

Be wary, I still think it sounds a little strange.

[Yggdrasil]

Don't read anything into it. He may simply be looking for closure.

[lucyinthesky]

There's always the possiblity that you should think about giving it another chance. Go into it with an open mind and don't forget about the possibility of rekindling your love, if thats what you want.

[Gigabitch]

No, this is not normal friend behavior.

It sounds to me like you're on the back burner. You should stop it with this "friends" nonsense. You know he's untrustworthy, and I'm assuming you wouldn't want him back. Please tell me that's true.