Stuck between the vibes.

[Jay T]

Hey ladies (and gents),

I used to frequent this forum on a regular basis but have been to uni for the past few years, but now I've run into a bit of a patch I could use some help with

I'll try to keep this as short and simple as possible, I can answer any finer details later.

Met up with a girl who is a former coworker and asked her out to dinner, got her number. We're both students with jobs so it's hard to find a time when we're both free, end up not having dinner together. Been texting daily for the past few weeks. First two weeks I always had to initiate the conversations, not getting any vibes or feedback from her so I think "well maybe she's not into me" stop texting her for a few days. She then starts texting me regularly and we've been texting every day/night since; getting better vibes. I've asked her what she thinks about me and I got a pretty vague response: "you're a nice guy but I'm not sure if we're alike" also in a later text she says that she knows some things about me that I don't know she knows, which is odd since we have no common friends and have never hung out together. However, we've continued to text; getting to know each other a little more through questions and random conversations, some more personal and deep than others. Has been roughly four weeks since I first got her number.

Two nights ago I ask if she'd like to go out with me Saturday night (last night). She responds saying that she works late and will probably be too tired to go out. Ok, fair enough. I proceed to go out with some coworkers Saturday night and end up seeing her at my favorite bar. We lock eyes momentarily and there isn't even a hint of recognition on her face, feels pretty shitty. I send her a text asking if she's still up, she replies "yes". I ask her if she'd like to meet up... I get a reply 2 hours later saying that she's on the shuttle going home. She asks which bar I was at and I tell her, I then ask her which bar she was at. No reply, and this is where I'm at now.

I have no idea how she feels. If she's interested in me at all or if I'm just a guy she enjoys talking to, nothing more. I plan on texting her tomorrow and telling her that I like her but I'm not getting the same vibes from her. Is that a good next-step?

Thanks,
J

[basilandthyme]

Mate, she lied to you and you're still wanting to talk with her. Crazy stuff.

It's one thing for her to not be seeing you exclusively, but the lying about her activities isn't cool. She could have told you that she wasn't available because she already had plans - but she preferred to make up a story.

That being said, her texts about you being a 'nice guy, but she's not sure if you're alike' is her way of letting you know that she's not interested. And that thing about her 'knowing things about you that you don't know she knows' is just plain creepy. If you have no mutual friends, then she's probably been spying or hacking.

Just delete her number and move on. You already know that she's not interested, so just fade away instead of embarrassing yourself by asking the obvious.

[Owly]

Hi! Well, I believe it could be that she's dating someone else and she's keeping you "around", just in case...when she's lonely or something like that, she'll text you. So she has some attention. That part about knowing stuff about you that you don't know she does...it might sound creepy, but to me it kinda was a sign that she was interested, and went searching for you. But since she lied, she's probably not into you...or maybe she had plans and didn't wanna tell you that, so that you wouldn't think/know she's dating someone else end stop talking to her. Kinda keeping you on the hook...girls love to feel they have admirers... My advice would be to wait and see if she texts you or tries to keep contact with you. Then you should talk to her about your feelings and maybe ask why she lied. If she's a bitch about it or simply isn't into you, move along, don't get stuck...plenty of nice girls out there. Good luck

[Jay T]

Thanks for the replies. I think deleting her number and moving on may be a little extreme of a next step. The lying sucks and is obviously a huge (if not a complete) turn off for me; however, Owly brings up some good points and I think that leaving the ball in her court and backing off for a while is what I'm going to do.

I also talked to another coworker about the girl in question today. They worked together for a decent length of time before she quit. From the occasional night out together she said that the girl is extremely awkward with her behavior towards guys. I'm not trying to justify her behavior, but some people just lack social skills with the opposite sex. Waiting to see if she contacts me seems like a fair thing to do. In the meantime, I can enjoy being a single man in a college town