This is just a curiosity of mine... but how often does a guy claim possessiveness of a woman (not in the D&S fashion) but in a more loving gesture? The expression of possessiveness is in conjunction with him 'offering himself'... more or less wanting to be claimed by me - wanting me to be possessive of him as well. I'm not confused by what all this means... I know him rather well and understand his intent behind all of this..
I'm just curious as to how often do men make the gesture of possessiveness/peaceful surrender... and is this usually reserved for someone they truly want... or can this be a gesture that's used in 'not-so-meaningful' ways as well?
+ Follow This Topic
Results 1 to 15 of 22
-
05-01-09, 08:25 PM #1
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 2,179
Possessiveness/Peaceful Surrender
"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
-
05-01-09, 08:34 PM #2
Registered User
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Posts
- 2,945
uhhh... could you maybe give us some examples of what you're talking about?
Is it burnin'? Well, f-ck, now you're learnin'.
-
05-01-09, 09:41 PM #3
Registered User
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Xalkida & Athens, Greece
- Posts
- 21
I can only be attracted to possessive guys oddly; does this kind tend to be protective as well btw?
I want to know too. Guys answer her (cracks her whip)![SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
-
05-01-09, 09:45 PM #4
Registered User
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Posts
- 2,945
I'm afraid I don't have the slightest clue what she's on about - "Peaceful Surrender"?!
But I am not remotely posessive in relationships anyway, so I'm probably the wrong guy to ask.Is it burnin'? Well, f-ck, now you're learnin'.
-
05-01-09, 10:08 PM #5
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 2,179
It's hard to explain.. yes he's possessive but not jealous.. and he can be protective too... but even this is put in check.. My guy is more of the sensitive kind and more intellectual/creative (if this helps).. so his motivations for doing this may be more emotionally driven.
Examples.. playfully saying "You're mine... all mine" but not in a scary or creepy sort of way. And offering himself such as "I'm yours..," and this is demonstrated in a more heartfelt way.
I talked to a friend of mine about this and he said that guys who are more sensitive feel intimidated by other males and will try to form stronger bonds with a woman they are interested in... in an attempt to alleviate this insecurity. I feel this may be his motivations for doing this... but I am not really bothered, just curious.
(To all you guys that are going 'wimp alert'... he does have his strong points too.. personality-wise.)"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
-
05-01-09, 10:25 PM #6
Yawning
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Gender
- Posts
- 15,081
LOL, I wasn't sure what you meant either. I was wondering if you meant he pees on your leg when other guys are around.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
-
05-01-09, 10:32 PM #7
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 2,179
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded
LOL, I wasn't sure what you meant either. I was wondering if you meant he pees on your leg when other guys are around.
I had a feeling this would be misconstrued... so I approach this post with LOTS of patience...
No he is just happy to be claimed by me and that he can claim me as his own... and that I want him and like to be wanted by him...
Perhaps paying close attention to something that is often taken for granted... and not thought about much."The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
-
05-01-09, 10:36 PM #8
Yawning
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Gender
- Posts
- 15,081
Its fine, Dalia. So long as it doesn't make YOU uncomfortable.
My husband gets quite protective when other guys are around. Its rather subtle, but he stays a lot closer to me and touches me more in their presence. Its just a guy way of claiming territory and warding off other guys. Its only a problem if he tries to 'control' you in other ways, or he makes you feel uncomfortable.
In your case, its probably b/c he's leaving soon also.Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
-
05-01-09, 10:42 PM #9
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 2,179
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded
He started this about a month or so ago when the relationship really started to show promise. I do not feel like he's trying to control me and neither do I feel uncomfortable. He has always been a bit of a 'gentlemen' about most things... so I've never felt forced into anything or that I couldn't stop him if I wanted to. Very comfortable relationship for me...
As funny as it sounds... I kind of like his voiced possessiveness of me... it's portrayed in a playful manner and I find it to be kind of cute..
He's protective in a subtle way like that too... but once again, he is mindful of my feelings as well... careful to not 'overdo' it."The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
-
05-01-09, 10:59 PM #10
Yawning
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Gender
- Posts
- 15,081
If you don't mind, then its fine.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
-
06-01-09, 02:21 AM #11
Registered User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Gender
- Location
- cali
- Posts
- 1,757
you can not be a possession as an individual. it will hurt you in the end. you are not his, people do not belong to others. you can not be happy without freedom.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things
-
06-01-09, 03:59 AM #12
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Gender
- Location
- Texas
- Posts
- 2,179
Originally Posted by Indignant
I thank you for the concern and the heads up... but I do not think he means this in a literal sense. He does not restrict me in anyway... I'm free to leave the relationship whenever I want... I'm free to hang out with guys... he trusts me enough to do that...
I wish I could capture the context in which he says this... it's not belittling... hell, he's even asked for permission to even say that...(i.e. "You don't mind if I say... ?")... Hardly demonstrates his 'ownership' of me... This may be a way to offer comfort for him in some silly way... especially now that he'll be leaving for 6 months. I know he doesn't 'own' me... it's impossible... and he knows this too (even told him that it's not possible)...
This is more or less a 'quirk' that he has... I can see the dangerous implications this could have... and I will keep a watch for that... but I do not sense this developing into something I should be concerned about - he gives out no clues that would suggest malicious intent... and he says it quite sparingly...Last edited by Aeradalia; 06-01-09 at 04:38 AM.
"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen
-
06-01-09, 04:55 AM #13
Normal User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Gender
- Posts
- 2,236
When I was in college my past bf would do that when I left to go home for college breaks.
It basically means "I love you, please do not cheat on me. And I have no intentions to cheat on you".
If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~ Marilyn Monroe
-
06-01-09, 01:18 PM #14
Registered User
- Country:
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Posts
- 1,696
Lesa is right. Everyone thinks of love as attraction + compatibility ... and it is. But so many forget about the third prong of love ... mutual commitment. Originally Posted by lesa
When I was in college my past bf would do that when I left to go home for college breaks.
It basically means "I love you, please do not cheat on me. And I have no intentions to cheat on you".
So in insecure times, he may show a bit of possessiveness ... so what?
Just a note of exception to Indignant's response. Controlling posessiveness by your partner is unhealthy for sure, but in love, you both choose to give up control to (and are possessed by) the commitment to the relationship.
Carl.
-
06-01-09, 01:27 PM #15
Yawning
- Country:
"Hot Love Pancake(s)"
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Gender
- Posts
- 15,081
As one of my favourite authors wrote:
In the war of the sexes, the only way to win is mutual surrender.Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
Similar Threads
-
Way of the Peaceful Warrior
By anachronistic in forum Romance/Love Movies, Music & BooksReplies: 0Last Post: 12-06-08, 11:25 AM -
Surrender to Fate?
By CAM in forum Love Advice forumReplies: 54Last Post: 24-02-08, 01:35 PM -
Need advice on possessiveness...
By TADA in forum Love Advice forumReplies: 8Last Post: 01-02-08, 06:52 AM
