I need to know what my girl is thinking ( long read) but please help

[Lost her]

I am married man of 13 years. (about to divorce) My wife and I have had our problems i won't really go into but there were some major deep issues that left me feeling exhausted and sexually frustrated. (she never enjoyed sex)

a year and a half ago this beautiful young women persued me and after a few attempts of blowing her off she kept on and over a period of time we began flirting and she really attacted me. I wound up cheating on my wife and felt horrible about it. But this girl became everything i ever wanted in a women. Everything that i always wished my wife would be. My wife just became to straight laced, no nonsense, conservative, never wanted to play around, and this girl became all that to me and more.

We fell in love. deeply in love. She professed her love to me countless times and in countless ways. Even admitting several times i had her wrapped around my finger. She even turned down a chance to play college basketball because she didn't want to leave me in fear i would rekindle things with my wife. Me and her were inseperable. The love making was the most beautiful thing everytime. She admitted i was her first true love and noone has ever made her feel the way i did. she said i taught her how to love. That she never had someone take the time to learn her and understand her, and also that i was the most amazing guy in beed in everyway

I moved out and stayed at my moms summer home. she would stay the night with me alot. our loved blossomed and she sent me texts and emails daily saying she wants this with me, a future with kids and all. She cried out all the time about it professing she would never leave me and wait forever. She always was jelous of my wife and she would throw out feelers to me seeing how i would respond. I always told her it's a hard decision to make and that i needed time to do it right. she always said she would wait forever

But my wife put a guilt trip on me wanting me to come back for christmas. my mom needed the house back and i was left stuck. I went back home but didn't want to at all. over the last couple of months it played hard on my girlfriend and the last month i made some mistakes and i guess she got tired of waiting on me. she began to withdraw from me slowly and then eveuntually said she wanted space.

I left my house again and started looking for my own place in hopes she would see how serious i was. over the last couple of weeks she has got cold. I did all the begging and pleading and aplogizing for stringing her on to long and she finally opened up yesterday that she got hurt to many times because she finally realized i was never going to leave. I've tried to convince her i am but i think she isn't buying it. she says she still loves me and even said a couple of weeks ago she can't picture life without me. I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks and she has said she doesnt know what she wants anymore and is so confused and stressed out. But finally yesterday she said she wants to move on and rebuild

I finally quit begging and told her i accept it now. she asked if i understood why she hurt so bad and i apologized for my many wrongs. Then we started texting all day and reminising and i just didn't bring up any past except all the good stuff. she did the same and before i know it she was saying she would help me decorate my apartment and even said she might go out with me and my friends tonight. we talked back and forth all day about old times and even talked about times we had sex and stuff.

to add this. the day before yesterday when she said it's over. she sent me a ring tone from a song called i'll follow you into the dark. I'm not sure if she is still wanting me but is telling me otherwise to see how committed i am, or if she really is through and wants to just be friends.She stopped texting me lastnight after we talked all day and hasn't responded since. the convo was going pretty well and she just stopped.

I am commited to her and I want her to know this. I love her with all my heart mind and sould. Could she be doing this and just testing me? She's been really cold but slips in stuff like the ringtone that makes me feel confused.

[smackie9]

Who the hell would know but her.......You are better off just letting her build trust with you again. I can only take a guess that she is waiting to see if how you progress in rebuilding a new life for yourself....in other words a complete divorce, and finally living permanently on your own with no more contact with your wife. She ain't gonna make any kind of move until those papers are signed dude.