Completely Lost..

[foleafclova]

My ex girlfriend and I went out for nearly a year. I was 19 and she was 18 when we started dating. She was the first girl that I've truly loved..first girl I've been intimate with also. Things were completely amazing in the beginning. She lived two hours away..and on most weekends I would drive up and stay with her for a few days. I had planned on going to the university that she attended before we met...so we were so anxious for me to move to the same town. I'd take her out to dinner..watch her soccer games, etc..things were great. One day, we even discussed how we could see us marrying each other one day. About 6 months into the relationship..I finally moved into the same town...she lived right down the street. From then on, everything seems like a blur. I'd see her every day...I got too used to her. I started looking at other girls on campus and saying to myself, "Hey, if we broke up one day, I'd be okay....look at all of these pretty girls around here." The flame slowly went away...I'd start stupid arguments and make her feel bad. The intimacy wasn't there anymore either.

We got into a couple of heated fights about stupid things...but one night..we went outside and I could tell that she was going to say that we should break up. The messed up part is, I was okay with it. I mean, sure, I was upset. I stormed off crying. The next two weeks were really hard. We would still text/call..she would come over every day and hang out with all of us (roommates). I'd walk her to her car every night and tear up and ask for a hug before she went home. I was really sad. (i guess im a pretty emotional guy). Anyways, over Christmas break..we decided to still exchange gifts. I took her out to a nice dinner and a movie and we exchanged really nice gifts with each other. After I dropped her off at home..she kissed me. Awesome, we were back together.. She had told me that one of her new friends in the group of friends that she had started hanging out with thought she was cute...great. So I start to get jealous.

Here's where it all goes to shit. (I hope I've kept you're interest)

We throw a huge birthday party at our apartment..she seems to be ignoring/staying distant from me. I go upstairs...kindof drunk and angry. The next hour is a complete blur..but I do remember some things. She told me things I didnt want to hear..I think they were along the lines of, "I just don't feel the same anymore." I got way too upset. I said and did terrible things towards her. I was acting very irrational. She left my place after everything. I was apologizing to her over and over after she left. The next morning I came over with some flowers and asked if I could take her out to breakfast. Our eyes were both bloodshot from crying so much. It was awkward..but we both knew that it was over. We were both really sad. After that, nothing was the same. She said we shouldn't text as much or see each other as much anymore.

The few times that I saw her after that, I had to beg, just to give her some of her stuff back. I was a complete mess. I had no idea what I lost. I sent flowers on what was supposed to be our one-year. I sent letters. I texted OVER and over. Usually she wouldn't respond..but occasionally she would respond in anger, telling me that what I did was unforgivable and that she won't change her mind, and that we cannot be friends.

This is pretty much where I am today. I feel lonely, hopeless, and oh, did I mention lonely? 2 weeks ago I sent her an email, and she responded very angrily saying that I need to move on and that there are so many other people out there. That made me extremely upset. I lay in my bed thinking about great memories we had...and then I also think about her being happy with another guy. It's all I think about.

Does anyone have ANY advice to give me to try to make this easier for myself? (sorry if this was WAY too long of a post)

[Petit Papillon]

Break ups happen. Actually to almost everybody. There are really few teenage couples that stay together forever,marry bla blabla. It's over. First what you have to do is to realize that there is no her and you anymore. It's because all of the changes that will happen ,start right there in your mind. If you will think like : it's over now and i need to move on, you will make yourself whole thing easier.
Think like it wouldn't survive anyway.You both are young, it's really not the end of the world. Think also that way ,that maybe you needed to meet her so you would move to this particular city, so you could meet the love of your life?
You'll be fine, this pain really goes away. You won't even notice when it happens. Stay cool

[foleafclova]

Thank you for that

I just can't stop believing that there was a longer future with us, and that I wish I knew then what I do now.
Also, there's this music festival coming up that we are both planning on attending, and I can't help but hope that we run into each other there. I'm just worried about what I'd say...or if she was there with her new group of friends (one of which is interested in her). It's been about 3 weeks of no contact..and about a month and a half of not seeing her. I can't believe I even made it this far..

[Petit Papillon]

Props for that! NC rule is very important after break up. I hope you can continue with this.
I know there are all those thoughts about running into each other, maybe a small talk, MAYBE we can work it out. But no. People break up for a reason ,right? Think that way, if you both would be really happy in this relationship, like REALLY happy, would you ever break up? Stronger relationships can overcome problems, even the big ones. Your relationship wasn't strong enough. It means that it's better not to waste more time on it. Maybe it's time to find someone new, someone with whom you will be able to create a new, stronger and better relationship? Someone who will make you really happy.
After a break up, you need to think about the positive things. Don't close your mind in the black,sad zone.

[foleafclova]

I'm really trying to. I just keep remembering good memories and realizing that I'm the one to blame for it all going downhill. She was my first real relationship...I was immature and didn't see what was right in front of me. She was perfect for me...always supporting everything I do, always wanting to go out and do things (often times i shut down those ideas to hang out with friends instead).

I think the reason that she seems okay with doing this is that she has this new "cool" group of friends. They're in bands and they always party and go out. One of the guys likes her, so maybe it's nice for her to know that there's someone else interested already? Could this be why it seems so easy for her?

[Petit Papillon]

Yes it could be a reason for her. It's always easier to move on when you see someone else in the picture .

[Wick]

... You'll be fine, this pain really goes away. You won't even notice when it happens. Stay cool

Petit is quite right. You won't even notice when it happens and when the pain goes away (trust us it will). I just finally as of this past weekend stopped feeling "the pain" after about 2 months. My sister took me snowboarding for my birthday (first time) with a friend of hers. It wasn't until a day or two ago that I realised I wasn't thinking about my Ex and that "the pain" was gone. The most interesting fact is I work with my Ex and seeing her doesn't trigger any emotional pain. Few thoughts of ill will every now and then for ripping my heart out but that'll soon be over too.

Keep a positive attitude and focus on yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family, and try to not focus on the past but more of the present and future.

[tjh001]

hope you feel better

[Gigabitch]

Unforgivable means unforgivable. Whatever you said and did, you can't undo it. Don't ever treat someone like that again.

[foleafclova]

Thanks for the replies. And yes, I did and said terrible things. I've learned from that though. That's pretty much the only upside to this whole thing. Since I'd never been in a serious relationship before, I think I know how to be a better boyfriend.

I'm still stuck in the past guys. Everyone is telling me to move on and look towards the future...but every moment of the day I just think of past memories...good and bad. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach.

[Petit Papillon]

If it hurts, at least you know you're alive AND able to love again :o)

[foleafclova]

This is true. I try to picture myself with someone else...but it seems impossible.

[foleafclova]

I can't seem to get this terrible feeling of emptiness worked out. It's like I'm walking around with a raincloud over my head that constantly pours special memories into my brain. Then I dwell over them and wish that I could have them back and do things differently. Not doing too well guys.

[lhn]

Trust me, it can go on for a long time. 6months and counting for me....

[foleafclova]

I'm so tempted to try to contact her again.