I really need help about an online relationship

[zonique]

Im a guy and i have know some months now a girl online, we have talked about SO many things, voice and video chats too, and we both feel like we complete eachother`s lives.

We feel really bored when we are not with eachother, and we really miss eachother when we are away doing other things. But there is a problem, we both dont have any other feelings more than that, maybe a attraction too. I really want to meet this person, but we are really far away, and we are both afraid that when we meet, we will not feel anything. We had a big fight about this, and i dont really know what to do. Is it possible that we cant feel anything because we are only online, or we will just never feel something, and waste our times?

Please help me because it is really important for me and i really dont know what to do. we are REALLY far away and its not easy to meet. Im sure that we havent lied to eachother just to make ourselves feel more like we fit, because we argue alot like a real couple about some things we dont like, so i guess its really good. Im scared if we take the step we will not feel anything, but i also feel that we will be perfect for eachother, I had lots of real girlfriends, but first time i feel like this about someone. HELP PLEASE!


P.S. I have thought to distance myself for some days, but will it prove something? We already miss eachother alot when we are away. I just need to know if its natural not to have feelings online, and will they rise when we meet? We have the basic feelings already on building a good real life relationship.

[Boisdevie]

You've been chatting for months and not met in person? Why the hell not because otherwise all this online stuff is just so much bullcrap.

[Draghost]

I dated my girlfriend online for a year and a half we never meet and I tried to get her to move to where I was but she would not. So after a lot of thought and about six months of planning I made the leap. I moved from sunny FLORIDA to South Dakota without ever meeting in person. We have been together every since and we're happy so don't be afraid take a leap of faith

[michelle23]

either move to be with her or forget about her. You cannot continue a silly online fantasy relationship with someone you have never met. So decide now whether you two are gonna move to be together or stop talking altogether

[Boisdevie]

I dated my girlfriend online for a year and a half we never meet and I tried to get her to move to where I was but she would not. So after a lot of thought and about six months of planning I made the leap. I moved from sunny FLORIDA to South Dakota without ever meeting in person. We have been together every since and we're happy so don't be afraid take a leap of faith

The exception does not prove the rule. It seems to me that most of this online fantasy ends up leading absolutly nowhere.

[zonique]

You've been chatting for months and not met in person? Why the hell not because otherwise all this online stuff is just so much bullcrap.

it not just saying one day, i should just go. Its very far away and very expensive to do such a thing. we really both want to meet.

[zonique]

I dated my girlfriend online for a year and a half we never meet and I tried to get her to move to where I was but she would not. So after a lot of thought and about six months of planning I made the leap. I moved from sunny FLORIDA to South Dakota without ever meeting in person. We have been together every since and we're happy so don't be afraid take a leap of faith

this is really encouraging. But! all this time did you have strong feeling about eachother more than i really like you, i miss you and some attraction? because we dont feel anything more and its really scary that if we make the move, we will meet and we will not feel a thing. i think it is natural because we never saw eachother in person, but i need some opinions, maybe im wrong and its just not ment to be. but we fit amazing together and spend our time very happy. And as i said its really expensive to do this kind of move if it will get you to nothing :/

[Boisdevie]

it not just saying one day, i should just go. Its very far away and very expensive to do such a thing. we really both want to meet.

Then you're both being really really stupid. Unless you can invent a personal teleportation device you are screwed. So why not just drop the online crap and date someone locally.

[VerticalMoon]

I usually don't give feedback on advice other people have given, but moving to live with somebody that you've known on-line for several months and never even met in person is terrible advice. I was lucky to have visited a forum for long distance relationships for a while. There were people there who tried doing that. Most of the time those stories didn't have happy endings at all. If you want to pursue a long distance relationship, the smart way to do it is to keep it long distance for at least a year and make sure to visit in person several times before then. If things are going well at that point, then consider moving to be with the other person. Otherwise, you're risking way too much for something that probably won't even work out. It's dangerous too as I've seen stories of people having all of their property stolen or getting beaten until they were black or blue in the face. Most of the time, though, people just ended up feeling really homesick and not liking their partner as much as they thought they would, but feeling trapped after they'd given up everything for the move. It can work out sometimes, but that tends to be more the exception than the rule.

To answer your question, most people who pursue relationships that start off long distance do have strong feelings before they meet. That's why they decide to pursue a long distance relationship. Otherwise, they'd just say it wasn't worth it and move on. Even with the feelings being so strong on the phone or when they're chatting on-line, half the time, at least one person thinks the chemistry wasn't there when they met in person, and they break up after that.

That's not to say that it can't work out. My husband and I are a case in point of a relationship that started off long-distance and ended up working out. It even took a while for my feelings for him to warm up. But you should give some thought as to whether you feel it would be worth having a long-distance relationship with her. They're not easy. If you aren't sure about your feelings for each other, you might want to keep things at the friendship level for a while and then see how things go.

[zonique]

I usually don't give feedback on advice other people have given, but moving to live with somebody that you've known on-line for several months and never even met in person is terrible advice. I was lucky to have visited a forum for long distance relationships for a while. There were people there who tried doing that. Most of the time those stories didn't have happy endings at all. If you want to pursue a long distance relationship, the smart way to do it is to keep it long distance for at least a year and make sure to visit in person several times before then. If things are going well at that point, then consider moving to be with the other person. Otherwise, you're risking way too much for something that probably won't even work out. It's dangerous too as I've seen stories of people having all of their property stolen or getting beaten until they were black or blue in the face. Most of the time, though, people just ended up feeling really homesick and not liking their partner as much as they thought they would, but feeling trapped after they'd given up everything for the move. It can work out sometimes, but that tends to be more the exception than the rule.

To answer your question, most people who pursue relationships that start off long distance do have strong feelings before they meet. That's why they decide to pursue a long distance relationship. Otherwise, they'd just say it wasn't worth it and move on. Even with the feelings being so strong on the phone or when they're chatting on-line, half the time, at least one person thinks the chemistry wasn't there when they met in person, and they break up after that.

That's not to say that it can't work out. My husband and I are a case in point of a relationship that started off long-distance and ended up working out. It even took a while for my feelings for him to warm up. But you should give some thought as to whether you feel it would be worth having a long-distance relationship with her. They're not easy. If you aren't sure about your feelings for each other, you might want to keep things at the friendship level for a while and then see how things go.

thank you very much, it was really helpful and i appreciate your trouble on writing this post. We both dont have strong feeling, but we feel that we are awesome together and we are really happy. we really want to meet, but its really hard since for example only the airplane tickets are 1500$ . and more money for other stuff, but i think we can work this out. well from my part i will try my best, and she really wants me in her life so... we will see :/

[Wakeup]

we are REALLY far away and its not easy to meet.

Then can you tell us why you are continuing a fantasy relationship that is keeping you from finding a girl who is close by who you can actually touch, smell, kiss, hug, do fun things with?

What is your reasonsing behind wanting to keep something that is only one dimentional, going?

[michelle23]

Id normally never encorage someone to move to another country for someone they have never met either. It is bad advice but its either that or continue a silly fantasy relationship thats going nowhere or forget about her

and i doubt hes willing to forget her and move on.

Just like to point out my opinion on long distance is that its ridiculous and pointless

[Boisdevie]

we feel that we are awesome together and we are really happy.

Reality check time. You are not awesome together because you are not physically together. You must really enjoy making your life hard for yourself to pursue this fantasy. Scared of dating locally?

[zonique]

Reality check time. You are not awesome together because you are not physically together. You must really enjoy making your life hard for yourself to pursue this fantasy. Scared of dating locally?

you misunderstood what i meant my friend. I meant that when we are together chatting, or at mic and webcam, we spend amazing time together, and after we miss each other alot. and i dont want to brag, but i can easily find a girlfriend i had alot, at real life and some at internet. But with her it feels completely different i dont know. And im not delusional, i was completely honest with her from day 1, and i am sure she was too, because nothing indicated differently. I wasnt in a relationship that i was honest from the first time, but she brought me that, i dont know why. Thats why i am pursuing it so much, i could easily move one with my life and just find a local girl, or another online girl, but i feel that there is something special between us. i dont know why, i just have a feeling. and as i said we will try to meet each other, but the reason im here was basically to learn if its natural NOT to have more feelings about her, besides really happy, missing and thinking when away. In logical way it is natural because we havent met in person. But i dont know, maybe i am wrong. Can people please enlighten me on that ? i would really appreciate it.