moving on from nothing

[Jhon smith]

OK, here it goes. I'm am a 17 year old guy who is obsessed with a girl and i don't know why. I am a well rounded individual who has a lot going for him. I'm pretty good looking, I'm intelligent, funny, and above all, NICE. Any attraction i have felt towards a girl has been purely superficial except for one.You've probably guessed that this one girl is the reason for this post. Me and this girl became good friends in the beginning of this school year. She was always enthusiastic and genuinely seemed to like to be around me. It was a great friendship. She made me feel like i was a really important person. But unfortunately i began to develop feelings for her. The problem was she had a boyfriend in college. I figured i would let her know how i felt. she immediately responded that she was flattered but didn't want to ruin our friendship.
My first question is " do u think this was the real reason?" I didn't buy it for a second but i didn't dwell on the situation. I figured that a person can't help how they feel, and if she doesn't feel the way id like her to than o well. I assumed i would get over her like all the other girls i liked before, but i didn't. My mind ran wild with so many thoughts of our past interactions. Through this reflection i came to many conclusions about myself, and her. These conclusions about myself being that i am way to kind. I put other people above myself. I am the kind of person who will help someone else out at extreme inconvenience to himself and especially for her.I also came to the conclusion that she was toying with me. I think she led me on to believe that she was interested in me. Aside from trying to spend as much time around me as possible, she would do all the flirty shit that girls do to attract a guy. well i guess i took the bait. It got to the point were she said she "loved me" (apparently as a friend) and that i was her favorite person in the world. She was always getting me to do stuff for her. Most of it was little but somethings were a big deal. And when ever i would do the task i was assigned she would respond with a smile, a hug, and a "your so sweet". I ate it up. She made me feel so good about myself i couldn't resist her every whim. I told her she was taking advantage of me. But she said " i can't believe you would say that to me. I ask for your help because we're friend, and i'd do the same for you if you asked." (I never asked) Me, being the bitch i am, apologized. After 2 months i realized i still wasn't over her. I began being nasty to her because she was still being a big tease to me and would ask inappropriate questions to me like, "r you gonna miss me?" and "what should i get my boyfriend for Christmas?". But i still loved bing around her, she made me feel so good about myself and she was so cute.
One day i got her mad at me because i said she was being demanding (which she was). Throughout the day i came to the conclusion that she was consuming my thoughts and that the only way i was gonna get over her was to disassociate myself from her completely, so i did. I said "I'm not sorry for what i said and i don't feel bad. If i make you feel the way u say i do then i don't think we should hang out anymore, it would probably be better for both of us." She said "whatever you want". I said "its not what i want its what i need". She said "you got it". The next day all of her stuff was out of the locker and she moved her seat in the class we share. Its been a month and we haven't spoken a word to each other. Here i am a month later still constantly thinking about her and the whole situation between us. People have said things to me like "I don't know why your so obsessed with her she's not even that good looking." One girl agreed with me that shes manipulative. And my boys agreed that i did the right thing. But i feel like theirs something in my life missing and i didn't know it until i met her, and now that shes gone i'm aware of this empty feeling. So here r my next slue of questions.
1. was i being manipulated or did it only appear that way because i was willing to do whatever she wanted?
2. Can a genuinely nice guy ever attract a girl or r girls only attracted to the cocky, disrespectful, egotistical jerks? (FYI- I'm not a complete bitch, i let a lot i shit roll of my back but i stand up for the things that matter to me. I'm nice in the sense that i am respectful to everyone and treat them as id want to be treated.
3. Did i do anything wrong?
4. How do i get her out of my head?
5. If i do fill my void should i go back to her as friends?
6. If i enjoyed being around her should i have thrown that all away before i could find another person to provide me with the attention she did.
7. I'm i in love or do i just want her because she doesn't want me and is unavailable.
8. At age 17 should i live the life i do (which is drug and alcohol free and consists of chilling with my buds and looking for one girl to connect with emotionally.) or should i go to these parties where everyone gets wasted and f uck as many girls as i can without any concern with who they r as a person.

Thank you for reading all this. Just by telling people my story makes me feel better. Please let me know your opinions on any of the questions i have.

[dsadsa]

you were manipulated
if she was a true friend she would stop and assure you that she was not using you. instead of simply saying "sure" or "you got it"
when she said those thigns i'm pretty sure she was thinking "he's losing more than me so i don't give a ****" (assuming that she knows she has you around her fingers like every girl knows)
you could get her out of your head by picking a hobby and getting another girl always helps, but only if you truely liek this girl and not using her as a rebound.
and yes at age 17 you should go to parties and **** every girl you see that you are attracted to
dude i know you did not expect this answer
but YOUR WAY TOO YOUNG
you will only know what love is through experience doiong both good and bad things
have fun live life and don't think twice (unless a fine ass chick wants a treesome but the other partner has to be a guy, that's all on you)

[Angelo_91]

Yes you did get manipulated; girls do that for what reason? no clue.

i guess you should just learn to not mess with girls that have boyfriends already, unless your just looking for friendship

not much you can do except forget her and move on

[TheSphinx]

1. was i being manipulated or did it only appear that way because i was willing to do whatever she wanted?

I think you've answered your own question.

2. Can a genuinely nice guy ever attract a girl or r girls only attracted to the cocky, disrespectful, egotistical jerks?

I would say the men most successful with women that I know are a hybrid of these two.

3. Did i do anything wrong?

You agreed to settle yourself as "just a friend." On top of this, she already had a boyfriend.

4. How do i get her out of my head?

Realize that there's another woman just as attractive right behind her.

5. If i do fill my void should i go back to her as friends?

For what purpose, if you already like her as more than a friend?

6. If i enjoyed being around her should i have thrown that all away before i could find another person to provide me with the attention she did.

Why do you need attention? You're on your way to becoming a man. Do you think people, and especially women, will respect a man who needs attention to get through his day?

7. I'm i in love or do i just want her because she doesn't want me and is unavailable.

I'll go ahead and throw in Giga's response to this one: infatuation.

8. At age 17 should i live the life i do (which is drug and alcohol free and consists of chilling with my buds and looking for one girl to connect with emotionally.) or should i go to these parties where everyone gets wasted and f uck as many girls as i can without any concern with who they r as a person.

The fact that you have to ask this question shows that you aren't completely comfortable with your lifestyle and your decisions in it.

At age 17, that's normal.

But your alternative is incredibly risky and it achieves the opposite of what you want. Why would you pursue something like that?

There is nothing wrong with what you want now (Though, I know, it seems at times that the rest of the world is chasing after the opposite).

There are people and women out there with the same ideals, but you have got to get your mind off of this one girl and make up your mind to continue with your decided course of action.

I love a poem by William Henley called "Invictus." The last stanza is:
"It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

So, smith, are you master and captain, or are you willing to allow someone else to steer you where they will?

I guarantee you'll find a better life when you decide on where you sail.

~Sphinx

[vashti]

I agree with everything Sphinx said, but would like to add that you were not used or manipulated. You did things for her because you liked the way she made you feel afterwards. This sounds like a reciprocal arrangement to me.

I also don't care for the choices you give yourself with question number 8:

"8. At age 17 should i live the life i do (which is drug and alcohol free and consists of chilling with my buds and looking for one girl to connect with emotionally.) or should i go to these parties where everyone gets wasted and f uck as many girls as i can without any concern with who they r as a person"

I don't know why you need to be at either extreme. This is like saying you have to be either a saint or a sinner, all good or all bad. I think it is okay to be somewhere in the middle. You don't have to abstain from all contact with girls until you meet Miss Right, nor do you have to have random sex with everyone you meet. Why don't you just try dating casually so you can gain some experience with females?