Unhealthy relationship pattern - help

[informed]

22 y/o female here, looking for an objective, outside perspective. I am hoping that the issue and solutions are more obvious to someone viewing from the outside than they are to me. My dilemma is as follows:

I've noticed that I have an unhealthy dating/relationship pattern, and I want it to change. I say "unhealthy" because all of my relationships are fleeting and confusing. They seem to start with a few months of friendship or dating, followed by about a month or two of relationship-time where we are exclusive and intimate, and then it ends. This has happened at least half a dozen times. I feel amazed and envious when I read about people who have been able to connect with someone for 1+ years, I can't seem to get past the 3-6 month mark. I'm always the one who does the breaking up, but I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable in doing so.

My last example of this ran from July to the beginning of November of this year. I joined a martial arts class with a friend of mine and met a guy I became interested in. We got to know one another for a month inside of class before we started hanging out outside of class. He was funny and nice, we had a lot of great conversation, and he was burning up my phone to spend time with me. We watched movies together, went on walks, visited with other friends, etc. It was a solid month and a half before we became intimate. After that it slowly started to die. He started calling me later and later to get together, until sometimes it would be midnight or so before he would call and ask to see me. I put my foot down because I felt like he was starting to use me for sex, and asked that we spend time together during the afternoon/day instead. He tried for about a week, but then stopped contacting me all together. I sent him a few e-mails asking what was going on and he never responded. I then got frustrated and dumped him.

While it doesn't go down exactly like this every time, the pattern seems to be: both sides are really interested, interest peaks/sex occurs, guy becomes less interested in me, I make an effort to address the issue, I give up. The only thing I can think of is that I could be having sex too early? I have been trying to shoot for a few months of knowing the person first, is everyone else using a six-month or year rule? I would blame it on the guy(s), but the fact that this happens so much really makes me feel like it's a problem with me.

Ultimately, I'd really like one day to have a nice, long-lasting relationships with someone. I get along well enough by myself, but I would like to be able to share goals, dreams, etc. with somebody. I have no idea how to get to that point. It may be worth noting that I had a turbulent childhood and not much parental guidance (parents abandoned me, friend's mother raised me, etc.) and I am also an extremely motivated individual (applying to med school), whatever those mean.

[Tdubby]

Yeah sucks but seems he was just wanting to have sex with you.. Does it seem like all your relationships are like this? Maybe it's the type of guys you go for like the look and stuff?

[Gigabitch]

I've said a few times that the hardest age for me to be was 22. That's half your problem, right there.

I doubt it's that you're having sex too early- probably more likely the guys you're choosing to begin with and the changes that happen inside yourself after you sleep with someone. That's usually a turning point for couples- a make-or-break, where they either start falling in love or start heading off in their own directions. Something is precluding the falling in love part, and you think it's you. I agree.

It could be any number of things. The last part of your post makes me suspect a control issue, maybe. You realize you have to open up and make yourself vulnerable to connect with someone, right?

[ecojeanne]

please don't take offense;

but maybe you are revealing too much about yourself too soon. also do you have fun and chats to offer when together?

guys like a little bit of mystery to keep discovering about a girl (and the other way around). there needs to be more than sex that makes them want to hang out with you.

maybe the guys you meet just don't cut the mustard when it comes to being interesting to you and vice versa.

maybe you need to be more choosy about the kind of guy you're looking for - someone with the same or similar interests

sorry