should i leave him?? help!

[Sassy_scarlett]

Okay so here is my story:

I met my current boyfriend in highschool. He isn't the best looking guy, and he doesnt really care about shopping for new clothes or taking care of his appearance. He does look okay, and i have taken him shopping a few times for example but he is not very vain. I am quite vain, i love to take care of my appearance and buy new stuff, so that it doesn't become boring. But he looks almost the same always. And he is also thin, he is the first boyfriend ive had that doesn't have a good body.To me these things are quite important. Anyway he is very very smart and very very sweet. He was one of the cool guys and we hung out a lot. We started to become closer and closer and i fell in love with him. He had no idea i was in love with him and he kept seeing his girlfriend, until she cheated on him with his best friend... then one night we went out to a club and we kissed. Now were together for about 1 year and 4 months. Currently were not in the same school anymore. he is 19 and i am 18. We are really great together, he is like the sweetest guy ever. He is willing to do everything for me, he also says that i'm the one for him, that I'm his soulmate. I also feel like we connect on a high level, we can talk for hours, about everything. We discuss everything. He is truly my best friend. He also spends almost all his time at my house, because his family isn't very enjoyable.

When we were together for about 10 months, i started doubting whether i still wanted to be with him. It was hard, but i thought about it and chose to stay. this happened one more time a few months after that. I also had a crush on two other guys after that, but i never cheated on him and continued to choose him. But he has his own problems as well, for example when he was little he had therapy because he used to lie a lot. Nowadays he doesn't lie that much anymore but there have been a few cases where we almost broke up, because he had lied. physically we are not a match at all, i don't want to be arrogant at all, but I'm not that ugly,or so I'm told. He on the other hand isn't the stereotype hot guy. He is also not very punctual, and he is lazy when it comes to taking care of his life. For example making the calls he needs to make, picking stuff up from stores. He is quite lazy and makes a lot of excuses. When we are together i feel really safe and comfortable. i can say anything, do anything, i feel really at ease. I can really have my guard down. He feels the same.
He is a very homey guy. We almost never go anywhere, were always home. I sometimes complain and then we go out and have fun, but mostly we stay at home.To be honest i have neglected my friends a little when we started dating. therefore i'm used to doing almost everything with him. I didn't used to be like this, although i hate admitting it, i have to confess i'm quite dependent on him. He is also dependent on me, but he is Really dependent on me. For example he doesn't do anything with his friends anymore, he never goes out with them or anything. He is always with me. I however have started my social life again, and i do go to parties and stuff without him. Both of us are quite mature for our age. I hang out with my sister and her friends most of the time, who are all around 25 years. Ive always been hanging out with older people.
But to get back to my story, lately i have been doubting us again. But this time my doubts are really strong. i am just not attracted to him anymore and feel like i want to go and party again and meet new guys, i want to fall in love again! when he is with me, it just feels like were really really close friends, everything is really nice and comfortable, but there is no more tension, no more passion. I think that deep deep down I've already decided i want to break up with him, but its really hard. Because everything in my life is linked to him, we share so many memories and he is soooo sweet to me. He is a really big part of my life. I call him when im sad, or happy, or angry.Everything in my room reminds me of him. I just cant picture my life without his presence.
However a week ago i found out he had lied to me again about something quite big, so i got really upset and broke up with him over the phone. But after a few hours we decided to meet and drink something and talk a little about it. So i went to him, and he started crying and explaining the story. he actually begged me to stay, saying that I'm his soulmate and the one for him. That there is nothing good left in his life without me. I got emotional cried and said ill think about it. The next day he came over and i told him that i wanted to break up. he got really upset, he lied down on my bed and started crying and shaking. he started talking to me about us and saying stuff like with whom will i go do this and that. I got emotional too and started crying too. It hurt me so much to see him like that and i just couldn't stop crying anymore. i started really panicking and hyperventilating even. He hugged me and suddenly i couldn't take it anymore, everything was just too much. So i told him to please forget this and lets get back together. we talked a little and then he agreed. however after he left, the doubts came back again. This happened on Sunday. today its Wednesday and i'm thinking about breaking up again on Friday. But i still have doubts. When he is with me i just want to stay with him and be comfortable and safe. but when he isn't around i want to go party and meet other guys, i want to be free again. i'm really torn. He has told me that this is about as good as it gets in a relationship, and if i really want to risk losing this, to go and party..
the thing is he is just too sweet to me, everything is good, and we always do what i want. At least he wants to do what i want always, he doesn't really have a strong opinion when it comes to our relationship. I want someone who can give back a little, who can stand up to me more and who can handle me a little better.

Please let me know what you think i should do... this is a really hard decision. Oh and sorry that the story got so long, i just thought i should explain a lot, so you all can have a better view at the situation. I've had a few other boyfriends before him, but I've never had a relationship this long, so i don't have anything to compare it to either.

[Gigabitch]

You keep going back to how he's not "hot". This tells me you're not really interested in having a relationship, you want an accessory.

There's nothing wrong with that at your age, just stop wasting the time of this boy and find somebody more like you.

[girl68]

Not to mention that you're only with him until something better comes along. So far no one has, but you'd definately open to the idea.

[Sassy_scarlett]

hi thanks for replying guys. for the first 10 months his appearance did not matter at all to me. But i mean after a year he hadn't shopped or done anything different with his appearance it just got boring, he doesnt have to be clooney, but a little variation is nice!
@girls68 why do you think im waiting for something better to come along?

[girl68]

Becasue you say you crush lots. Well small crushes are fine, but I have a feeling you crush because it excites you and your bf does not. I'm fairly conifdent I know you're type, I believe I once was your type. I believe that you are choosing your bf now ONLY becasue no one better exsists... yet.

[Chazza2k]

Hi Sassy,

I'm sorry to hear your having problems. From reading your story it seems to me you have really already decided you want out of this relationship you just don't want to cause him pain. You have doubts about him and your life together and you keep pointing to things that make you incompatible aren't right etc.

You mention you want to party and have some fun meeting new people, way that up in your mind to how he makes you feel being safe and secure. Whats most important to you?

No relationship ends without a dumper and dumpee and its not fair to yourself to stay in this relationship out of guilt of what's going to happen to him. Ask yourself what you really want in this, then find the courage to do what you need to do. It will be a difficult time for you both but you really need to prioritse how you feel and what you want in your future. Its incredibly difficult to be dumped but its part of life and people pick themselves back up from it.

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Goodluck