Quite complicated situation. A girl from oversea's?

[jayH]

Ok, iv'e never spoke like this before but iv'e never been in this situation before so here goes. I went to Malta on holiday with my dad a couple of months ago and there was a waitress at the hard rock cafe that i pretty much fell for as soon as i seen her, she was serving us as well and i was pretty quiet apart from ordering food haha. every time she walked by i could'nt help but look at her and she did to me and i feel we had a connection just looking. i have to add i have'nt had a girlfriend since high school and im nearly 24, but iv'e never felt this way towards a girl before. I'm very shy and in my shell even to my friends but obviously not as bad. And anyway after i got back to England i tried to find her on facebook through the hard rock page (creepy i know) i did and added her, and we'v spoke a lot actually over 100 messages through the chat, but i'm at a point now where i still haven't told her how i feel about her because i don't want to ruine our 'friendship' at the moment? and iv'e kinda ran out of things to say, i don't know if she's into me like i am to her.. i know it's a messed up situation because she's in a different country and stuff. I feel like now i wont find a girl like that again. She has said in the chat that if i go back to Malta she'll take me to some places and show me how to party but is that matey? I've tried to talk about everything i can with her like about music/ interests etc. and she always replies but never starts any conversations. truth is i'm a newbie to all this stuff and i'd struggle with it even if she lived in this country. I feel embarrassed even posting this here being anonymous but i need guidance haha! and the best way i open up is to sit at a keyboard and write what i think instead of out my mouth. i couldnt say this to any of my friends seriously.. i just don't know the next step but i feel like she is the one for me. Thats the soppiest thing iv'e written in my life. Go easy on me.
She seems to be popular as well with like 800 friends on fb so i feel like im just part of the crowd. She's a good looking girl and i feel there might be a lot like me and just brush me aside

[jennifer.c]

It doesn't sound like you really know this girl very well. You "fell for her" after just seeing her. You were attracted to her, but did you actually know anything else about her aside from that she was hot, maybe carried herself a certain way, and was a waitress? It sounds like you started idealizing the hell out of her before you even had a proper conversation with her. It can seem significant and exciting when you feel that way after just seeing someone, like it's this magical sign or something, but really... how could you possibly know that you're right for each other?

And then yeah, you talked on facebook a bit, but from what I'm hearing, it sounds like you guys haven't "clicked" or anything, otherwise you wouldn't be worrying about having nothing else to talk about. But I don't know, I guess I'd need more information. Did she remember you from the restaurant immediately? Does it seem like she's eager to talk to you? If she's serious about showing you around and partying with you if you visited, that's certainly a good sign, but it could just be a sort of nice thing to say with no real intention behind it. Depends on the context.

Anyway, I'm sorry to discredit your feelings, but it sounds like you're putting her up on this pedestal and imagining she's this perfect girl without actually knowing. It's not an uncommon thing, really. It's like being "in love" with a celebrity. You know what they look like, what they're about, some of their opinions, but the rest of the "love" is going towards an imaginary person that you happened to attach to them.

I'm not saying never talk to her again, but for your emotional safety, don't put too much stock into this. Get to know girls closer to you, live your life, and don't fret about this too much. Try and get out of your shell, I know it's hard, but romance will definitely come easier that way.

[Scarlet_P]

"I feel like now i wont find a girl like that again" - no, jayH, you won't. But, as my first girlfriend told me when she was splitting up with me, and this is word for word, "you'll find someone different, and better". It actually helped me get over her, and soon after that, I met my first long term gf, who I saw for 2 years.

I agree with JenniferC though...is her home Malta, or does she just work there as a holiday job? Going to Malta to see a girl you haven't actually talked to in person, apart from "I'll have the cheeseburger" isn't breaking the ice. Sorry to put it like that! Also, I'd be wary as she's got 800 friends on Facebook, doesn't sound like she's desperate for attention.

There are plenty of girls out there, and not so far away. Although it does sound kind of romantic. You do what's in your heart, but just don't ignore your head. What happens if it all goes well, would you move out to Malta to be with her? Living in a different country only to be with your girlfriend can be dicey. If it goes wrong, it can be hard to get your life back on track. Trust me, I'm in Australia (moved from the UK for that reason) and I'm looking at flights to go home at this moment.

[Boisdevie]

I have just one point to make - anyone with 800 friends on facebook is just not normal.

[CoolStoryBro]

Shut up gayboy, i've got over 1200.

[CoolStoryBro]

....but I am an awesome cunt.

[Wakeup]

I have just one point to make - anyone with 800 friends on facebook is just not normal.

Whan a girl accepts your friend request
and she already has 503 or more
she's just another attention whore
and you're just No. 504


Unless of course you're using your page as an advertisment for your company or services, otherwise I agree with you Bois. Course, there is always the exception, as in CSB. :o)

[jayH]

Thanks for the replies and ye i know it's a long shot. I feel stupid for falling for her trust me but shit happens! i wouldn't have made anything of it but i really do feel we had a connection just the way she was, i mean ye i did fancy her and it felt mutual. It's strange online because i can write whatever on here but i feel she's very shy and she does't give much away but always seems happy to talk to me, it's very friendy all the time, ''next time u are planning to come to malta just tell me and i will show u some great places and how we maltese party '' thats what she said and i said that was very cool thanks for the invite etc id love to come back you know. i don't really dare say anything about how i feel in case she doesn't feel the same i don't know how she'd take it XD. Ye i don't know her too well from real life talking but she definatley seemed the type i would like to talk to and get to know and theres not been many of them in my life, i mean we did talk a little but mainly my dad about england and stuff and i chipped in when i could. To be honest it does sound like i'm putting her up there like shes a kind of god haha but i do think she would be the perfect girl for me judging by all the girls iv'e met in my life. I added her and she remembered straight away yeah and seemed eager to get to know more like i did to her, we have talked a lot mostly about music because we both love rock music. Haven't spoke to her in 5 days now i really dont know what to say. She lives there and they speak good english there. Thats the thing i mean if i did tell her then what.. Say every time i go out now i compare girls to her in a way like trying to see if i could find someone here that could be that kinda girl but nah. sorry to hear your situation scarlet

[Scarlet_P]

Like it wakeup I never add anyone on FB I've never met in real life, and I'm getting up to 350, which I think is quite a lot.

Thing is jayH, I'm not saying don't do it, but I think you could find someone in the same country?? For sure, give it a go - it's good she remembers you, but this is only an advice forum. It's a tricky one. Personally, all I'll say is, I wouldn't do it (but hey, doesn't mean you shouldn't). I've been there, am still there, but wouldn't do it again after this.