Yeah, thats right - this is my very last post on this forum. The only reason i ever joined was to kill time at work - i would like to think i helped people on here. I know people have helped me a bit. But, as always, I've had an epiphany. My time is up here. There is nothing to gain from this site any longer, so it is my time to move on down my path to what lies ahead of me.
I will say a few things that I have realized. As we all guessed, the biggest one of all, is that I have been out of the game for too long, and therefore i am rusty/too old fashioned/or whatever you want to call it. I aint up with the times, and thus there is no need for me to even try to play the game any longer. What game you may ask ? The dating game.
Yes I know I have never officially entered the dating game, but i have always had a g/f. I never once went more than a few days of being single. Hell most times I would have one lined up, or I could turn around and find another girl within 5 minutes.
But as they say, you live, you grow, you learn.. With age comes experience. With experience comes the true wants out of life. And i will not settle for a 'fling' or a rebound relationship, on either end. And it so turns out that I started the game way before my time... well, not really started before my time... more like I've been thru the game before my time. I am farther in the game than anyone my age, thus making it difficult to get back in the game because everyone my age doesnt understand the rules I go by or whatever, and the girls that DO go by the same rules i do are much much older than I and see me as a 'few levels behind' in the game... So its a dificult spot to be in, but alas.. I am here. I am alive. I am breathing. I am living and moving on.
This is my time to grow for myself and build my own character. No woman can do that for me. No website, like this, can do that for me either. No friend can do that for me. Only I can build my own character. You cant build character with what lies in front of you... but you build character from what lies behind you. I've gone far enough in the game and have collected valuable information and tools... now its my time to take a break while i am so far ahead and learn to work the tools I have and to use the information that I've acquired along my path and I must build my character. I must grow.
God has been by my side from the beginning. I have asked him for guidance for the last 7 months. He has guided me and led me down my path this entire time. And right now, he is telling me i have to be alone so that I can grow. This is my time for a change. You cant change with something attached to you. You change when you are alone. And this is my time to better everything I am and become everything I can be.
Yes i know i have gone off in this speech before, and if I recall I said that time has come and gone and it is my time for something big to come. Well something big did come. and the signs were right. If I didn't pay attention I would have missed it. I almost missed it. But all this week has been one big epiphany. I have had mostly good times this week, not much sadness at all... but i blame that on the coffee - i been ****ing wired on caffine for nearly 4 days straight now. But thats not the point. Today was a day with no friends to distract me, no searching for women, no searching at all. Today wasn't even a thinking day. Today was a good day. I dont think I have frowned once. For once in my life I am single, and I did not frown once. This is my happiness - and its not the happiest i've ever been, but it is the best day i have had in nearly a year.
Today was a day to enjoy myself at work with my co-workers. A day that I stood up and took responsibility for myself and others and got things accomplished at work. A day that I come home and the first thing i do is play with my son and not get on the computer to browse for a woman or to call my friends to go play baseball or hang out... Today I spent with my son. Then we watched two movies. And now i have put him to bed, and i will be going to bed soon too.
Tomorrow is a whole new day. A brand new light will shine from the sun. And I will awaken, not alone, but as a whole. I will look at myself and not punch the mirror or wipe water across the reflection so i cant see, but i will smile for I know I am better than I was yesterday. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life. Tomorrow is the day I am a new man.
Thank you all so very much for being here by my side thru my little journeys I have made in the last few months. Thank you all who have helped me and critisised me to the point that I am forced to look at myself and see it was me that was wrong. Thank you all for caring, even if you didnt realize you did.
I wish you all the best of luck in your journeys thru life, and may God be with you as he has been for me.
God speed and good-bye.