HELP! ADVICE? Best Friends boyfriend of 5 years being a plank...

[Giggle37]

Hi Guys,

Need some advice really on what you think;

My best friend has been with this guy for 5 years, they didn't start of great, they were originally friends with benefits, so you could say that 'Trust' wasn't really initially established. On and off throughout the 5 years they have been together my friend for some reason or another has grown suspicious of him and checked his fb or gone through his phone. NOW i don't agree with this, so don't hammer me for that. Its her choice. But of all the countless times she's checked there has always been a flirty/sexual conversation that shouldn't be their and sometimes there's more than one.

Now the relationship does clearly have its ups and downs but for the most part apart from checking the phone they are happy. They live together and are the process of buying a house together (the live in her mums house currently) got their mortgage grant through, literally just waiting back on the results of there surveys when he suddenly becomes distant wont look at her or talk to her, and then after nearly a week he finally open up and says he has doubts he doesn't love her, and thinks they should take a break. This floors her obviously but she tries to be rational and suggests he stays with his brother to think about it.

For the next week one minute he loves her, then he doesn't, then he wants to live with her, then he doesn't. He hates her, he loves her. Up and down back and fourth and my poor friend doesn't know which way to turn. She's devastated. She's heart broken. By this time hes moved back in, and is very possessive of his mobile, so while he's in the shower she checks it, and finds more flirty/sexual conversations, and that he's also sent picture of himself and received pictures of other women. All in the time he was staying at his brothers when he was supposedly trying to 'work out' what he wanted.

In my opinion i feel she needs to get rid because he's clearly playing her. Maybe i'm wrong? I wanted to get some guys advice, because hey maybe there's a deep routed problem with him. But then his probably just the plank i think he is.

He fed her a few excuses last night which she bought and she's decided to give things another go. She asks for my advice and i feel like i cant give it because it may risk our friendship (of 12 years)

Please help, and opinions would be great

[smackie9]

It's 5 years and this relationship has no direction. She can't make it work, because he is still keeping his options open. I think the only reason he keeps seeing her is that the sex is great, but isnt interest in the person she is. She would be wise to just let go now, she has done everything she can do, and nothing has changed....time to throw in the towel.

I think if you go over these valid points she will see that there is a reson for her seeking advice......because she knows the inevitable.

[Giggle37]

I agree but, their sex life isn't great, they live together currently. I don't want to think that the only reason he is with her is because she has a roof over his head and she looks after him. But i just cant seem to get my head around his behavior? He seriously cant be genuinely this confused to keep doing this time and time again?

[smackie9]

Tip: when discussing this with her don't put him down, no name calling like "oh he's playing you, or he's a jerk" Just be honest with her about the facts, like "He won't live with you because he wants to keep his options open, he has been flirting with other girls, she can't trust him and has to snoop throiugh his phone which is unhealthy.

- - - Updated - - -

I agree but, their sex life isn't great, they live together currently. I don't want to think that the only reason he is with her is because she has a roof over his head and she looks after him. But i just cant seem to get my head around his behavior? He seriously cant be genuinely this confused to keep doing this time and time again?

You know what just stay out of it. It's her life she can do what she wants TBH. What kind of advice is she looking for? What does she want from him? She can't stop him from desiring other girls, and if the sex has dropped off he is getting it from somewhere else.

[Giggle37]

I know him quite well, and hes even contacted me during this whole break down, but i feel trapped. My loyalty obviously is too my best friend and i feel protective of her. but i just want to shake him and say what are you playing at???

They currently live together i think he's frightened of moving in and co-owning a home together. But that doesn't excuse the constant messaging/flirting with other girls. he's even met up with a few? and gone back to one girls house. But he swears blind nothings happened. He'll give and excuse, she'll buy it and the process happens all over again.

I'm at a loss at how to handle the subject, i know its her choice, her decision at the end of the day. But if she asks my advice i cant lie to her?

- - - Updated - - -

Tip: when discussing this with her don't put him down, no name calling like "oh he's playing you, or he's a jerk" Just be honest with her about the facts, like "He won't live with you because he wants to keep his options open, he has been flirting with other girls, she can't trust him and has to snoop throiugh his phone which is unhealthy.

- - - Updated - - -



You know what just stay out of it. It's her life she can do what she wants TBH. What kind of advice is she looking for? What does she want from him? She can't stop him from desiring other girls, and if the sex has dropped off he is getting it from somewhere else.

i think she just wants to be told what to do. But wont accept that being apart from him is the right thing.

[smackie9]

Tell her like it is, and stop talking to him. She can mull over it and make a decision.

[basilandthyme]

Even if there is a deep rooted problem with him, it doesn't change or excuse his behaviour. She needs to end this no matter what the cause of his behaviour.