3rd date and he says he love me... not sure what to do

[pervytoad]

Hey everyone, i'm a 21 yo gay male; probably not the best forum for a gay but i think love is love regardless. Anyway, for the last couple of years i've been happily living in my 'closet' but it did get a bit lonely so i decided to put myself 'out there' so i am terribly inexperienced.
After a little bit of profile updating i was asked on date before i even left the house (just a little easier than i expected). After the first date he says he had an awesome time with me, the second time he says he can't stop thinking about me and then after my 3rd date he says he loves me. At this point in time i still don't feel much for him; do you people reckon it's because i just don't know him (keep in mind i've seen him in the flesh now a whole 3 times - but we certainly made the most of it) or is it because i'm just not into him? I'm not really sure if i should let this continue; i don't wanna dump him before i even know him.

Assuming that i never feel much towards him, how long should i continue to go out with him?

Thanks

[Boisdevie]

Hard question to answer. I think it's perfectly normal that after only 3 dates you don't know what your feelings are for him. And for him to say that he loves you after just 3 dates would worry me = way too fast

[listen not hear]

Hmm...you have every right to be confused. I mean you can end up liking him but he's moving much faster then what you feel comfortable with right? And you're already doing something new and because of it you're not feeling very confidant as is but now your being thrown into this awkwardly intense relationship before you even realized it WAS a relationship. It's like you got close to the pool to test the water then someone swims up and pulls you in! If you really think you can like this guy then just tell him you want to take things slow. AND BY ALL MEANS AVOID SLEEPING WITH HIM...he could just be a player trying to take advantage of you in your new found freedom. Maybe he thinks, "oh, I can play with him for a while but wont have to worry about a commitment because he would want to experiment more." or maybe he thinks because he'll be your first so he can get you faster because he thinks your naive and vulnerable right now. Or maybe he REALLY just a very intense guy...in that case just nicely let him know you want to take it slow. If he doesn't then just let him go. He might be clingy and possessive and you need to experiment a little more since everything is still very new. Good luck!

[pervytoad]

The thing is; he told me that he loved me after I stopped sleeping with him for about 3 weeks.... hence my surprise. How do i tell if he is possessive?

[listen not hear]

That is surprising. Maybe he wants you to be open to sleeping with him again...I could be wrong of course. I don't know you or him or the relationship you have with each-other.

If you tell him you want to slow down and he gets unreasonably upset or starts accusing you of other men that's a good indication he could be possessive I think. In the end you're just going to have to rely on your instincts. Be confidant in yourself and your decisions. You've been making good ones thus far by questioning strange behavior. You're on the right path, you'll be fine.

[MerryH]

Possessive, controlling people do tend to try getting really serious, really quickly. Proclamations of love after three dates would really worry me, not only because of the controlling aspect, but more because it shows that person makes rash decisions and might not be very stable in the brain. Or maybe it was just a ploy to sleep with you again. In any case, it's not a great sign. Consider dropping him.

But for future dates/relationships, no, you don't have to know exactly how you feel about someone after only a few dates. Let things happen as they happen, and if at some point you realize that you don't want to keep dating the person for whatever reason, just end it.

[devonbrown]

Since you say that he said it after you stopped sleeping with him, I would venture a guess to say that maybe he is just trying to get you back into bed with him. He might be fooling himself into thinking that he does love you, but as you have said, you have only seen each other 3 times.

I am not saying it is impossible to fall in love after three dates, but it does strike me as something to be very cautious of. If you are not comfortable with his level of emotion at this point, let him know. I think you are absolutely right in taking it slow with this guy. Red flags normally pop up like this for a reason.

Good luck.

[qwertz]

So let me get this straight....you went on 2 dates and then didnt sleep with him for 3 weeks, had the third date and he said he loves you?? Im confused! But regardless, i would be concerned if someone i had seen 3 times told me they loved me.

[IndiReloaded]

Possessive, controlling people do tend to try getting really serious, really quickly. Proclamations of love after three dates would really worry me, not only because of the controlling aspect, but more because it shows that person makes rash decisions and might not be very stable in the brain. Or maybe it was just a ploy to sleep with you again. In any case, it's not a great sign. Consider dropping him.

But for future dates/relationships, no, you don't have to know exactly how you feel about someone after only a few dates. Let things happen as they happen, and if at some point you realize that you don't want to keep dating the person for whatever reason, just end it.

I agree. Strangers cannot possibly know 'love' in such a short time. They are either very naive or have issues.

@ Merry, I really enjoy your posts. Very sensible.

[aenima326]

I admit, I only ran the title of this thread, but:


RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN.

[provinciano]

It takes time to fall inlove
3dates and he says i love you?
His a liar
he doesnt mean it