Good friends, wanting to tell her I may want more.

[Friendlove]

Hi!

So I have known this girl for about 7 years now. We are good friends, and I love hanging out with her. She is 20, and I´m turning 21 soon. The first time we met/got to know each other, I fell in love with her. At that time I was 13 or 14 years old, not knowing much about love and all.

The thing is, there is a lot she does not know about my feelings about her, and there´s so much that I really want to tell her, but I´m afraid because I don´t know how it might end up. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I don´t want to let this go just because I didn´t have the courage to talk to her about it. I told her once, that I had fell in love with her before, but did not mention that I kind of still had some thoughts left.

This girl is hard to understand, and it seems like she wants people to understand her without her saying what she really thinks.

For instance, once I travelled about 400 km on the 17. of may which is our country´s national holiday. I spent 7-8 hours alone in a car, wanting to see her one evening/night, and then driving home again the day after (with her in the car, as she lives in the same area as me). When I talked about how weird and crazy it was that I had driven all that way, just to be where she was, she responded: "maybe it´s best not to think about it".

?? Is this a clear and obvious hint I should take??

I really want advice for what to do. I have so many things I want to tell her, just to get it out of my system and get to know if she feels something or has ever felt something. If we end up as just friends after that, I think I will be ok with that, but it´s about getting it out there, and giving it a chance.

Thanks for helping me, please ask questions about my "situation".

[MerryH]

If we end up as just friends after that, I think I will be ok with that

Will you also be okay if it ends up that you can't remain friends after that? If you're okay with that, then you don't have to tread as lightly. You can just say, "Hey, I like you. Want to go out on a date?"

If you don't want to ruin your friendship, then I think you should start by doing some somewhat obvious flirting and see how she responds. If there's a negative reaction, you can stop there. If she seems into it, keep it going, drop some hints, then plant one on her after a while.

[Friendlove]

Well, I want to remain friends with her. I don´t want it to get awkward somehow. And over the years, I have been "flirting" in some obvious and not so obvious ways, some examples:

- I made her 2 songs: one for christmas, one for when she got home from a year in Thailand. The last one was performed for her in a private room where I played piano and sang to her, having lighted candles here and there, and a special place for her to sit. I tried to make it kind of romantic. After that, we acted as friends. What do you think she really thought of that?
- I made her some cakes once, when she got her drivers license. And I seldomly cook, this was actually the first time I´d made these types of cakes. I made some cakes spelling out her name, and put them on top of the rest, and then a card (she was going away for some time at this point). Also, we like to play with words, and "drivers license" is commonly known as "lappen" in norwegian. The cakes are called "lappekaker" (kind of like sweet small pancakes you can put jam on, kind of the same taste as waffles).

And about flirting and all: I actually want to be as direct and honest to her as possible. Telling her about everything she doesn´t know over the years, and see how she responds to that, maybe get to know if she has ever felt something over the 7 years we´ve known each other.

Lastly: am I being naive? Should I take some hints and leave it at that? I don´t want to let something go just because of mistunderstandings and so on.

Thanks for your help.

[Friendlove]

**** it, ain´t gonna happen, no way. I´m giving up. Anyways, thanks for the help MarryH.

[oldskool83]

you have to be prepaired it could just stay friends only, or worse ya could turn off ya friend ship with her. i ran into this months ago with a HS friend i knew since 9th grade...im 27 now so u can try and do the math. she was going thru a hard time and so was i. i'd always get a hug from her as a friend, even if sum1 else was there and see it, i never put any moves on or anything. one night i left we hugged and looked into each others eyes and realized we were kissing. after that it was apparent she liked me.

so maybe if your good friends you can see if she would hug ya 1st before ya just saw i like you more then a friend and scare her

[Friendlove]

That´s some good advice, thanks. I love hugging her, and I feel like she´s the one girl I have/want to have contact with even if we´re miles apart for longer periods of time. And of course the one I want to meet from time to time if we end up on different places in my country.

Are you together with this girl now oldskool83?

[saveamarriage]

Ya, try and open up with her. And see where it goes

[eo_ih]

You sound pretty creepy and a typical undesirable "nice guy".

Main tip: don't "open up to her", girls hate that crap. If you want to make something physical happen between you guys then you have to warm her up and then go for it, you don't "ask", lol. Explaining your feelings is a sure way to disgust her.

[Friendlove]

I can see what you mean by creepy eo_ih. We were hanging out with some friends watching a movie tonight, and I felt kind of relieved actually, because I did not think about her that way anymore.

But I still want to be honest and open with her, telling her how I´ve felt. I feel it can make it easier being friends, but if you say girls don´t like us "opening up to them" then let it be so.

Also, I don´t feel that she´s the kind of girl that goes on and on without taking an initiative. She had a boyfriend for over 3 years, and then she was the one taking the first step. And over the years I can´t think of any obvious "steps" or hints from her side. Then they must be like a really tough riddle. But that´s what fascinates me about her as well, she almost never says anything directly, but in some way hints in the direction of her actual opinion, which probably has led me to cling on to some hope because I´ve never gotten rejected in any way, and we´re still pretty close friends. So I hope she doesn´t think I´m creepy, that´s now what I intend at least. Although I probably have done some small things and then regretted them the day after or maybe only several minutes or hours. Like a random SMS or something.

[Dank]

Dude stay freinds and find someone lots of fish in the sea

[Friendlove]

Heh, I actually will now. I´m actually looking forward to moving on and keep on "fishing", it´s a relief!

Thanks for everyones advice!