My story

[tweets]

So I've always thought that people who blog or write journal, or even people who document their lives on social media are a little weird. Not necessarily looking down on anyone, but just thought it was strange behavior. Today I am one of those people, and I've realized the silver lining of my break up and why I used to think others were weird for simply sharing their life with other people. But first let's rewind to the beginning, so you can understand my story.

I'm a privileged guy who had it easy his whole life. My parents probably gave me too much love, and I pretty much always got what I wanted. The only thing I was never good at was getting into relationships with girls. I've been very close friends with girls throughout high-school, and I'm pretty sure some of those girls were interested in me. However I was never able to make a move on it. So I was never in a relationship until my last year at university. But first, let me explain to you something else about me.

When I said that I'm privileged and pretty much always got what I wanted, I meant it in two ways. Yes, my parents bought me materialistic things I wanted such as a new phone or a new computer. But also I'm a very determined person who will try over and over and commit my life to a single thing until I get it. Let's say I wanted to join a sports team, then I would train day and night leading up to the trials to make sure I get it. Let's say I wanted to learn how to make a mobile app, then I would spend day and night learning and building one. Both of those things ended up happening, and thats just a couple of things I did everything I can to get. So the second thing you know about me is that I will stop at nothing, and do whatever it takes to get what I want, and I usually succeed. Rarely have I felt the feel of failure or defeat.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm in my senior year of university, I'm the president of a few clubs, competed in physique competitions, had a shredded physique throughout the year, and was one of the top students in my class. Basically I had it all, except something I've wanted since I was a child - a relationship. Yes I've hooked up a few times with different girls, but never really had a relationship, or even felt what it was like to love someone, or truly be loved. A couple of weeks before my senior year, I matched with a girl on tinder during summer vacation at my hometown. Long story short, we met, dated, and ended up falling in love. There it was, now I finally have everything I wanted in life, and I was truly happy. The long distance was hard at time, but the trips back to my hometown were worth it.

A year later and I finished university and moved back into my hometown, where I decided to start my own business - something that I've wanted to do for a long time. It started well and my girlfriend had problems with her current job, so she became my first employee and we started expanding and growing. At this point we were both very passionate about the business and were very proud of it, and we also had a lot of flexible and free time to do things we enjoyed. A year later, the business started growing a lot, more than we can handle. I became obsessed and spent literally my whole day, every day of the week, working and I was so focused on making it succeed and get a plan sorted to do some investments so that I can secure our future. Remember how I said I always get what I want and will stop at nothing? Well this is what was happening and I was spending all my time and energy to make sure that we have a successful business and save up to do some investments.

My mentality was that we should work hard now and relax later while living off of our passive income from the business and other investments. My girlfriend has a completely different view, she grew sick of the lack of attention and affection I was giving her, and she didn't want to work hard now and waste her youth, even if its just for a few years. We started growing apart and she moved back to her hometown with her parents because she was homesick, but we decided to stay together and still work together. Hoping things would get better, but we ended up growing apart even more, and at this point she had enough of it. She had her own dreams to pursue, and she was unhappy in life. Last night she decided to end it with me, explaining that I was never observant of how hurt she was and how much she needed me but I wasn't there for her. And now she says she reached a point where it went from heartache to resentment, to being numb. It was a shock to me, and I tried everything I could to make her stay and promising things will change. Only this time she said that she's tired of hearing the same promises, and that she's past the point of no return.

I was devastated, broken to pieces. Never even imagined someone could be in this much pain. I wanted to get rid of it, anyway possible. It was still there. I searched online, asked some friends, but nothing helped. I never imagined someone could feel this much heartache. I've known friends and family who went through break-ups and divorces, colleagues who've asked for leaves or were not focused at work because of their personal problems. The sad part is I probably shrugged it all off, and never sympathized with them because I never felt the pain until now. Then I read an article about how writing and blogging can sometimes help with a break-up. Writing your feelings down even if no one reads them can help ease the pain and the overthinking. I've always thought that people who blog or write journal, or even people who document their lives on social media are a little weird. But now it seemed like a good idea, it seemed like the only way to let the pain and the feelings out. And that's when I realized it - I never had compassion for others. That's why I never sympathized with their losses and break-ups, and thats why I never understood why people felt inclined to write blogs or post so frequently on social media.

I don't expect many people to read this, and certainly don't expect many to reply. But being able to put everything down in words helps clarify the whole foggy situation, and sharing it online to someone, anyone, helps to let your pain out from being trapped in. It helps releasing all the pain and poison that is trapped inside. I've noticed that whenever I'm complaining to a friend about something, they always offer their advice, but no matter how good or bad their advice is, I never try to see reason in it. Now I realized that I complain not to get answers or solutions, but simply to let it all out.

[WiltedRose]

Hey there! Oh I feel for you and have been in a similar situation with my ex Husband having different views very similar to yours! I was the one that ended the relationship but it wasn't Any easier for me I had to seek help to get though it! The pain felt physical! But I did not love him and knew I couldn't go back the whole healing process took me a good year and it has changed me but for the better! I'm stronger and more considerate and much more appreciative.


What are your views now about your work and personal life? Can you not lighten your load and live more? Of you can do this and actually show her you'll be there to support her to pursue her own dreams and that you will have more free time to spend with her? My old landlord (very successful businessman!) told me his now wife left him for the same reasons for around 6 months he realised he couldn't be without her so changed his working hours he said he's the first out of the office now! They then got married and now have a child and has businesses yes he owns a few now and even offered me a job


And I know what you mean about writing things down it has helped me no end also self help books. Like you say if you've never really gone through it you really don't understand it, I still don't understand it ha & friends and family try to help but some just don't get it! But you will get though this, it does get easier & and you will be ok whatever the outcome.


Good luck to you and money isn't everything money was actually a major factor in my breakdown of marriage and it really doesn't bring you happiness things in your heart do!!!

[Snow White]

Your story reminds me a bit of Scroodge in "A Christmas Carol". He lost the love of his life because of his obsession with his business. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful, but there are so many stories of people who have said "I'll be able to relax once I have made "such and such". Life is fleeting. It is a gift. We just don't know what can happen from one day to the next, so you must decide what your priorities are. I watched a great documentary about the guy who wrote(?) Dumb and Dumber and other hits. In other words, he was super rich. He ended up getting seriously sick and had to spend quite a bit of time in a tube and when he got out, he sold everything and lived in a trailer and totally re-evaluated his life. If your girlfriend would change her mind if you would have a change of heart, I suggest you give it a try.

[tweets]

What are your views now about your work and personal life? Can you not lighten your load and live more? Of you can do this and actually show her you'll be there to support her to pursue her own dreams and that you will have more free time to spend with her? My old landlord (very successful businessman!) told me his now wife left him for the same reasons for around 6 months he realised he couldn't be without her so changed his working hours he said he's the first out of the office now! They then got married and now have a child and has businesses yes he owns a few now and even offered me a job

Thank you so much for taking the time not only to read, but also reply! This experience is really shedding a new light into my life about compassion and helping people who are at a low point in life!

I still firmly believe that I need to continue working hard to secure our future. I don't want to be in debt my whole life, stuck in a job with no freedom or financial independence, and unable to provide to my family every thing they desire. That being said, I know you need some sort of work-life balance, and I'm not happy at all with my current condition and I realize I need a break. I haven't taken a single day off in almost two years now (not even weekends). I have promised her I'll travel and visit her but it got postponed by a month and now she says she simply can't wait anymore and she's past the point of no return, so I'm not sure if I should bother visiting her.

She's a very emotional person and she tends to be depressed and see the cup as half empty most of the time, and I think she's probably been feeling depressed and down for such a long period of time that now it has taken a hit on her physically and mentally. And I do feel responsible for unknowingly putting her through this, and I guess this shows how much she loved me and what she had to put herself through for me.

I want to fix that, and I'm willing to travel and take some time off (albeit I will have to work from my laptop/phone at least a couple of hours per day). I'm just wondering whether its best to wait a few days and let her take a break, perhaps maybe she'll start to realize it was a mistake and then try to somehow convince her things will change and I'm coming to visit. Or should I just approach her now to save a few days of heartache?

- - - Updated - - -

Your story reminds me a bit of Scroodge in "A Christmas Carol". He lost the love of his life because of his obsession with his business. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful, but there are so many stories of people who have said "I'll be able to relax once I have made "such and such". Life is fleeting. It is a gift. We just don't know what can happen from one day to the next, so you must decide what your priorities are. I watched a great documentary about the guy who wrote(?) Dumb and Dumber and other hits. In other words, he was super rich. He ended up getting seriously sick and had to spend quite a bit of time in a tube and when he got out, he sold everything and lived in a trailer and totally re-evaluated his life. If your girlfriend would change her mind if you would have a change of heart, I suggest you give it a try.

I completely understand what you mean about there being so many stories of people who said "I'll be able to relax once I have made..". To be very honest, I've been saying I'll be able to relax once the workload decreases in a month for quite some time. However I haven't because the business kept on growing. I've talked to some friends my age and they're all not necessarily jealous, but are very impressed and proud of what I'm doing. It is a very successful business and I'm making more than most of my friends combined. I'm worried that this is also a fleeting moment and that it won't last, and I have a sense of responsibility to keep working and performing I have already been hiring more people to handle the workload and want to hire a few more to take myself out of the day-to-day operations, but it's just been a bit difficult for me to do that. I would like to have more of a balance, and I would like to go visit her. But as I mentioned above to WiltedRose , I'm not sure if she would be accepting and when would be the best time to approach her regarding this.

[WiltedRose]

I have so been there we had a business together but the more he earned the greedier he got and he had all these aims and dreams that where quite different to mine and they weren't listen to or given a second thought & I ended up feeling quite demeaned and very child like in our relationship which affected how I saw him in the end I couldn't stay any longer and at first he offered me the earth and realised it wasn't an equal relationship and he would work at that but it was too late I didn't love him and he lost his family and the majority of the equity, which hurt him the most!!! But he's doing good again now and still money ontirated (he's still not happy though!) I think it's sad. I'm not wealthy but I'm happy but I am going to marry a millionaire when I meet him so I don't have to worry about my future hahaha!!


And something else I'm a hair dresser and see a lot of customers getting to an age and can not enjoy life or have even lost thier life due to illness or accidents you really do not know what's around the corner! Yes build up your empire but if she is the one you have to make sacrifices go make memories my dear!