what do I do,I cant just let it happen...

[lightning88]

There is this girl I'm not with but love very much,alot of you will remember another post and know why I'm not with her.

She has told me she was raped by her ex and to those of you that rememebr I told her we would be together in a couple years,but not yet,yesterday I hung out with her and some friends and she sat by me and we kind of held each other.......

well she texted me when i got home and said "thx for holding me tonight I love you" I said "your welcome hon" she replied "i wish youd never let go" and I said "ill always be here for you" now her reply to that was "do you really mean that?" I said "what? why would you ask that?" and she said this.......

"what If something happned and I was preg would you want away from me or change how you feel" I said no,but I was obvioously wondering why she would ask that,I asked her.......Ill save you from typing out all the texts for you to read but after an hour I got her to explain why she asked that.....

Her ex has raped her again,and kidnapped her to do so,she is scared to do anything because hes threatened to kill her if she tells,shes afraid shes either preg from it or will be if he does it again, she has marks on her from where hes hit her.....all I know is this guys first name,and that hes taken her from school and a local store once.....

what do I do? shes made me promise not to tell.....but I love this girl and cant let this happen to her,I'm not any better than him if I sit around knowing this happened to her and may again. plz help idk what to do,and It litterally makes me sick to know someone has done this to her and may again. Shes never had sex on her own,and isnt like that. I dont know what to do.....

[carl1222]

Oh man, what a mess. I participated in your last thread, so I know the background.

She has only two alternatives: 1) endure his rape whenever he wants because he knows he can intimidate her into silence; or 2) seek the protection of the law to have his ass placed so deep in prison that he can never hurt her any more.

I can certainly understand her wanting to stay silent. I'm sure her father used some sort of threats to make her keep quiet about his abuse. Plus, she is basically distrustful of the state to protect her interests and safety. Obviously, her mother can't help her.

What you can do immediately, is encourage her to get on the pill. Take her to planned parenthood if she doesn't have a doctor. Save a copy of this thread to explain why you are helping her get birth control.

Then YOU call this number

Rape Crisis Center
2941 Lake Tahoe Blvd
South Lake Tahoe, CA 96150
Phone: (530) 544-4444

and ask them for further advice on how to handle this.

Good luck.

Carl

[Cain]

The issue here is that if there's no proof that he raped her then there's no way that he's going to get locked up. And if she reports it without proof and he doesn't go to jail then her very well may act on his threat. If she was raped and she still has semen inside of her then she can get a rape kit done. Vash can provide a better idea of what goes on with a rape kit.

Lightning, I really think you're getting involved with the wrong girl. She's too much of a fixer, and I've always been against those kinds. But do what you feel you have to do.

[Cbrider]

I know a handful of people who would literally kill this guy for what hes done.

If I was in that position I would be at the police station as fast as my bike could carry me. Theres a difference between a promise to keep a secret and a promise to knowingly let someone endure pain, suffering and torture. You CAN'T keep this a secret this is the real world not a fantasy land where no one gets hurt.

This guy has already displayed dangerous behavior, he could very well be capable of killing her. This isn't a game anymore.

Cain does have a point though, you better have proof or some kind of firepower behind you.

[carl1222]

The issue here is that if there's no proof that he raped her then there's no way that he's going to get locked up. And if she reports it without proof and he doesn't go to jail then her very well may act on his threat. If she was raped and she still has semen inside of her then she can get a rape kit done. Vash can provide a better idea of what goes on with a rape kit.

Lightning, I really think you're getting involved with the wrong girl. She's too much of a fixer, and I've always been against those kinds. But do what you feel you have to do.

Cain makes some good points ... the best chance of a conviction is a quick report to the police (called a "fresh complaint") and the opportunity to provide a rape kit (to gather DNA evidence of the person involved in the sexual act, and document the use of force).

Carl.

[Mish]

Sorry for being insensitive, but what is it with this girl and being abused? Is she wearing an abuser homing device or something? I don't know what to recommend because I'm seeing red flags all over the place and if it was me I would keep a WIDE amount of distance from her. You can be friendly, helpful and supportive without actually being too close, I think this one is a wide case of baggage and unresolved problems. I would question anyone who wants to be in relationship with this type of person if they are having a "Knight in shining armor syndrome".

There is not a lot that you can do for her lightning as sad as it sounds. She is technically still a child under supervision of a parent. Notifying appropriate authorities is probably the only viable alternative at the moment.

[carl1222]

Sorry for being insensitive, but what is it with this girl and being abused? Is she wearing an abuser homing device or something? I don't know what to recommend because I'm seeing red flags all over the place and if it was me I would keep a WIDE amount of distance from her. You can be friendly, helpful and supportive without actually being too close, I think this one is a wide case of baggage and unresolved problems. I would question anyone who wants to be in relationship with this type of person if they are having a "Knight in shining armor syndrome".

There is not a lot that you can do for her lightning as sad as it sounds. She is technically still a child under supervision of a parent. Notifying appropriate authorities is probably the only viable alternative at the moment.

Mishanya, she is a 16 year old girl who was f**ked by her father years ago (he's in prison for it) and her mother is a meth addict and doesn't supervise her life. OP is 20 and cares about her ... should we just throw her in the dumpster for her baggage?

[Mish]

Mishanya, she is a 16 year old child who was f**ked by her father years ago (he's in prison for it) and her mother is a meth addict.

Yeh I read that in the previous thread. Her situation is very sad. Though I don't see how lightning will be able to help her (apart from notifying the authorities). I also don't understand why he willingly wants to be in a relationship with some one who obviously will need a lot of financial / psychological assistance before she is even capable to be in a healthy relationship after all that's happened to her. I feel sorry for children in Africa and I donate, but I'm not going to pursue a relationship with them.

[carl1222]

Yeh I read that in the previous thread. Her situation is very sad. Though I don't see how lightning will be able to help her (apart from notifying the authorities). I also don't understand why he willingly wants to be in a relationship with some one who obviously will need a lot of financial / psychological assistance before she is even capable to be in a healthy relationship after all that's happened to her. I feel sorry for children in Africa and I donate, but I'm not going to pursue a relationship with them.

Ahhh, OK ... you choose the dumpster option. Just wanted to make sure!

Carl.

[Mish]

Ahhh, OK ... you choose the dumpster option. Just wanted to make sure!

Carl.

Carl, it's the same option you recommended. I just added the bit where I question his motives of wanting a romantic relationship with a person going through a deep trauma who is obviously not ready to be in one (And probably won't be ready for a long while).

[Aeradalia]

There is this girl I'm not with but love very much,alot of you will remember another post and know why I'm not with her.

She has told me she was raped by her ex and to those of you that rememebr I told her we would be together in a couple years,but not yet,yesterday I hung out with her and some friends and she sat by me and we kind of held each other.......

well she texted me when i got home and said "thx for holding me tonight I love you" I said "your welcome hon" she replied "i wish youd never let go" and I said "ill always be here for you" now her reply to that was "do you really mean that?" I said "what? why would you ask that?" and she said this.......

"what If something happned and I was preg would you want away from me or change how you feel" I said no,but I was obvioously wondering why she would ask that,I asked her.......Ill save you from typing out all the texts for you to read but after an hour I got her to explain why she asked that.....

Her ex has raped her again,and kidnapped her to do so,she is scared to do anything because hes threatened to kill her if she tells,shes afraid shes either preg from it or will be if he does it again, she has marks on her from where hes hit her.....all I know is this guys first name,and that hes taken her from school and a local store once.....

what do I do? shes made me promise not to tell.....but I love this girl and cant let this happen to her,I'm not any better than him if I sit around knowing this happened to her and may again. plz help idk what to do,and It litterally makes me sick to know someone has done this to her and may again. Shes never had sex on her own,and isnt like that. I dont know what to do.....

I know what I would do... I'd find the mother****er and beat the ever living shit out of him till he couldn't move... wait for him to regain consciousness.. then do it all over again... and again.. and again. But sadly, pieces of shit have 'rights' even though they take rights from others...


Take Carl's advice... contact the authorities... she NEEDS protection NOW. Next time he could very well kill her. Who the **** knows?

Is it worth it to debate about the ethics and morality of the situation when she could be ravaged at any given moment... tormented to the point of wanting to die... and even possibly being severely injured or killed?

Do what your heart tells you... HELP HER!

[bluesummer]

Look lightning, if you care about her you need to be helping her to GET HELP. Get her on the path to solving this. If she isn't shown that she can be strong and fight being a victim, she'll be one all her life. Find someone she can talk to about this.....the police, the rape crisis centre that carl mentioned.

But Mish is right.....this is not the grounds for a healthy relationship. This girl has LOADS of issues and needs more help than you alone can give her. Be her friend, be supportive. But back off from the 'love' stuff, it's not going to do either of you any favours.

[carl1222]

Carl, it's the same option you recommended. I just added the bit where I question his motives of wanting a romantic relationship with a person going through a deep trauma who is obviously not ready to be in one (And probably won't be ready for a long while).

Our only common point is that she needs to take action, Mishanya.

I never suggested that he should dump her because she has too much baggage and isn't worth the work.

Maybe he truly loves her and is willing to share the tough task of her recovering from being horribly abused by her parents and her ex-boyfriend. That's motivation enough without assuming he's trying to be a Knight in Shining Armor ... unless you were willing to say that ANYONE who wants to be with her is a "Knight in Shining Armor."

Because you eliminate any true romantic and unflawed option of why anyone would be interested in her, you ARE condemning her to the dumpster!

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Yeh I read that in the previous thread. Her situation is very sad. Though I don't see how lightning will be able to help her (apart from notifying the authorities). I also don't understand why he willingly wants to be in a relationship with some one who obviously will need a lot of financial / psychological assistance before she is even capable to be in a healthy relationship after all that's happened to her. I feel sorry for children in Africa and I donate, but I'm not going to pursue a relationship with them.

Mishanya... attitudes like that are what produces people like me. I was too much of a liability growing up... nobody was there to help me. I just got the 'oh that's so sad' speech, and then tossed back into one form of abuse or another because I was alone, trying to figure a way out of the mess --- a mess that wasn't even my fault.

That's the kind of emotional solitude that can destroy the mind, break the spirit, and leaves death looking awfully appealing. I wouldn't wish that on anyone...

I commend the OP for wanting to help... and there's plenty he can do... he can help guide her to the authorities... guide her to the people who are willing to help her. He can give her hope... and reassurance that the pain is over. He doesn't have to be in a relationship with her, but he can be a much needed friend.

I would've given anything to have had one shred of hope that the pain would end... when I was child.

[bluesummer]

Carl, this girl is in no shape to be any type of quality partner to anyone at this point in her life. That doesn't make her a bad person, just someone who needs some help and guidance, and needs to discover her personal strength and self worth. She can't create or contribute to a positive relationship when she's not positive in the first place. Lightning can certainly be a close friend and support, but there's no value for him in this relationship at this point in time (beyond friendship I mean).

For the record, I'VE been that girl....the girl who needs to sort herself out before she's relationship material. It doesn't make one 'dumpster' material, just a fine work in progress.