just dumped cant cometo terms with it.

[quaziloko]

Me and my gf broke up after a year. Things were amazing but she felt we couldnt have a proper argument because shed never back down or compromise and Id end up raising my voice. over the last year weve had 7 maybe 8 arguments and she said she cant put up with the way I make her feel. Arguments didnt make me feel good either and I thought we were so in love we'd be able to overcome this but she cant see a way. if it was a better reason itd still be shitty but i could see it but I believe love can overcome a lot obviously she doesnt. why do some girls think with their heads and noth with their hearts?

she said with her heart itd be she cares about me and wants to sort it out.
with her head she cant be with me because she is moving away for a job in a month which we had planned to do together before the last argument.
and then she said rationally I dont think can go away with someone who makes me feel like you do when we fight.

besides that between 1-5% of the time we argues we both felt like shit but its both hurtin us now not able to be together. Why cant she follow her heart and stop with her head and try and work things out with someone she loves?

[sunshine22]

I think you need to have a serious conversation with her about how you argue. She needs to tell you exactly what hurts her in your arguments, and you need to do the same with her. You both have to promise to work on it. I don't know if you've admitted any wrong-doing, but just admitting it to her that you've done something wrong and that you want to work on it can make her see you in a different way. If you're really serious and if she wants to work on it too, maybe see a therapist together. They can really help you with healthy ways to argue and compromise. And by her saying that she won't back down or compromise is messed up... If she's not willing to do that, then you really just should move on. You're going to constantly argue and fight if she's that way. Or if you start backing down more, you'll never get what you want, it will always be what she wants.

[quaziloko]

she doesnt want to work it out. she said if she could see a way she would but with her moving away she cant. I know I was a good guy and she told me i was the best boyfriend she ever had. i admit wrong doing and i admit i shouldnt have made someone i love feel that way. arguments are part of every relationship i thought this was just one more. but she wont stay here and sort it and she wont let me go with her. its like having a ferrari and your tire goes flat. are you gonna get rid of the ferrari because of one small thing which will cost you to fix and your gonna have to work on? i love her and she loves me but she really cant see a way and every option i give her she doesnt believe will work. i truly believe she didnt want this to happen either and she is upset but why should we have to hurt when we could work on it?

[Gigabitch]

its like having a ferrari and your tire goes flat. are you gonna get rid of the ferrari because of one small thing which will cost you to fix and your gonna have to work on?

Actually, that pretty much sums it up, the way I see it. She wants something more like a Volvo. A Honda. Something less temperamental and high-maintenance.

[Mish]

she cant put up with the way I make her feel. Arguments didnt make me feel good either and I thought we were so in love we'd be able to overcome this but she cant see a way. if it was a better reason itd still be shitty but i could see it but I believe love can overcome a lot obviously she doesnt. why do some girls think with their heads and noth with their hearts?

I think she did think with her heart. She didn't like the way you made her feel after an argument.

[Tim Jones]

Listen I understand that you are hurting right now... Completely understand, but the signals were there for you the whole time. Meaning, obviously she did not think that things were "amazing" as you described.

You made the same mistake I have made a number of times which is you let your guard down. People in general like someone to chase, and after she caught you your behavior drove her away. That is why the ideal relationships (in my opinion) are the ones where both of you are madly in love with each other, but both guard the ultimately "secret" of this fact. These types of rare relationships are timeless...

In short.. My advice would be to back away... Only time can tell if her interest level for you will rise, but that will only occur while you are not around (and she chooses to think about you)....

[quaziloko]

I really wouldnt consider myself high maintenance an arguments are part of every relationship. I didntlike the way she made me feel after an argument and it wasnt always my fault. she still messages me telling mehow much she is missing me and that i guess we just have to get on with it andi feel like saying we dont have to just get on with it but Im afraid shell throw her eyes upto heaven so instead I say it seems a shame that we cant find a way to fix something with so much potential. What wouldmake you think I was high maintenance just out of curiosity so i can see where I went wrong?
[QUOTE]Quote:
Originally Posted by quaziloko
its like having a ferrari and your tire goes flat. are you gonna get rid of the ferrari because of one small thing which will cost you to fix and your gonna have to work on?
Actually, that pretty much sums it up, the way I see it. She wants something more like a Volvo. A Honda. Something less temperamental and high-maintenance. [/QUOTE

I wish we didt argue trust meI wasnt doing it for the fun of it and I dolove her so I never wanted her to feel I was temperamental or high maintenance and she seems pretty straight talking to tellmeif that was the case. Basically she said if she could see a wayit would work shed try it but with her moving away she cant.

[sunshine22]

You really need to stay away from her for awhile... You need to tell her to stop telling you that she misses you. Say that it's just too hard, because you miss her too. Every time she says something like that you're going to get your hopes up, and she's going to continue to say there's no way. She really really needs to see what life is really like without you. I understand it's hard to cut all ties, so maybe send her a message from time to time, but don't say you miss her, just ask how she's doing, and do that as little as possible. I know it's hard, I'm going through something similar right now, except instead of 1 year it's been 7... I'm there with you, except he's completely ignoring me, and broke up with me over a text. I'm trying to not contact him and let him miss me, and it's so hard, so I get it. But you really have to do it....

[quaziloko]

You really need to stay away from her for awhile... You need to tell her to stop telling you that she misses you. Say that it's just too hard, because you miss her too. Every time she says something like that you're going to get your hopes up, and she's going to continue to say there's no way. She really really needs to see what life is really like without you. I understand it's hard to cut all ties, so maybe send her a message from time to time, but don't say you miss her, just ask how she's doing, and do that as little as possible. I know it's hard, I'm going through something similar right now, except instead of 1 year it's been 7... I'm there with you, except he's completely ignoring me, and broke up with me over a text. I'm trying to not contact him and let him miss me, and it's so hard, so I get it. But you really have to do it....

thanks. I know there is other people out there going through my situation. it sucks. some people have said if she has hurt you this much over a couple of arguments why would you wanna be back with her but I really dont think shes doing it maliciously. im sorry to here bout your break up and with you it really does sound like youd be better off without that kind of guy. maybe id be better off on my own for a while too. i guess she really believes there is nothing she sees that can get us through it and thats sad because I could have seen me gettin through a lot by her side. theres so many memories cut short and its comforting knowing you know how i feel and yet kind of upsetting that sometimes no matter how good you areit doesnt guarantee you anything.

[lesa]

How long have you been together? Please do not tell me this was a one year old relationship with 7-8 arguments in that same year. Why were you trying to have her put up with the way you make her feel after those arguments?

[Gigabitch]

no matter how good you areit doesnt guarantee you anything.

Sad, but true. No guarantees. Even if you have the perfect relationship, one of you could get hit by a bus.

That freaks me out sometimes.

[Yggdrasil]

arguments are part of every relationship. I didntlike the way she made me feel after an argument and it wasnt always my fault.

Sure arguments are part of every relationship HOWEVER: putting your partner down, calling your partner names, being emotionaly and verbally abusive, being controlling and being disrespectfull are NOT arguments, they are unhealty, toxic behaviours that will damage and eventualy end any relation.

Educate yourself on how to solve problems in a healthy way.

Meanwhile, leave the girl alone. She doesn't want you. Accept it.

I can read between the lines you know.