Should I survive this torture???????!!!!!!!!!!

[BrooklynScholar]

I've been having this problem for a very long time and wanted to know what other people's opinion was. I am 17 yrs old and somehow very attractive, with long hair. Every since high school, I have liked many girls and surprisingly they like me too. But I have a lot of bad things going for me that has a bad effect on me. Because my parents struggle to make their unsuccessful career( due to some circumstances) prosper, It has made me into a workaholic because i fear of living the same life they have when i get older. They also wont let me date or go out because they believe girls will distract me from my studies. This has made me very shy only around the women that i feel attracted to. Some how i could talk to other females fine but with them, i cant start a conversation let along a hello. Some how i cant even make friends with them. It makes them feel like I'm ignoring them because i could only have a conversation with females I'm not attracted to and they see me talking to those females but not them. I cant say that i never wanted to try but since i cant date i feel it would be misleading to just play along. How stupid would i sound if i had to tell her that we cant date after weeks of trying to talk to her and that i cant go on the date because my mom said so"? I would sound like a wimp, a loser. Some how i feel like this problem is going to follow me even in college when I'm on my own and without my parents rule. I also feel bad because they seem to start hating me because of this problem, when i actually really like them. And I'm actually against my parents, because unlike some teenage boys i know, I'm more interested in being able to sustain a strong relationship than having a large number of girlfriends i had sex with. Should I continue to stay in this torture of being a good son to my struggling parents who already have financial problems on their hands and not date and lose all the chances I am getting or should I rebel and grab all these chances while I can so i can at least learn about what i like and want since i never had a girlfriend before. Plz take this seriously, every school day of seeing them has been eating me up inside and I can't take this anymore.

[Sanctuary]

You sound like a real responsible kid. Explain to your parents the situation but let them know that family and your schoolwork comes first and they'll come around. I can't see why you can't at least try to juggle having a girlfriend. If it doesn't work out you can always break up.

If you don't get a chance to experience the social scene in high school, you'll be behind socially during your college years. Plus it sounds like it really bothers you. But just remember that schoolwork comes first.

Show your parents that you're a responsible kid and if they're reasonable they should be willing to concede at least some kind of privilege to you. If you've been obeying all their rules up till this point, there's no reason why they shouldn't trust you.


Source: Lotta fights with my parents when I was in high school

[vashti]

I agree with Sanctuary. You should have a mature discussion with your parents. This might include whatever restrictions you plan to place on yourself in order to show them you take your studies seriously... an example might be that you will limit the amount of time you spend talking to girls on the phone, and only date on Saturday night, etc. Your parents aren't dumb - they surely understand that they can't keep you away from girls forever, and they CAN be a huge distraction. You might mention to them that it may be better for you to learn how to balance this aspect of your life BEFORE you go to college.

BTW - your shyness probably doesn't have a lot to do with your parents. Lots of people without your lack of access to girls suffer in the same way.

[BrooklynScholar]

vashti, thanks for the reply. But I think you missed something. My parents WON'T let me date girls. Plus I already get good grades. I have a 3.5 grade avg and I take AP and advanced classes. I should add that my parents are very religious and It may not be stereotypical not sure, but believe that young teenage couples is having sex, every time they see one. So they basically think that young girls these days are being sneaky and having sex and think that they would convince me to do it. Also they are immagrants from the Carribean, if that means anything. I could only believe that in my senior year and when I get my own car is when they would let me do that, but im not sure. But thanks for the responses. I think I really just needed someone to talk to and you guy's responses are making me better.

[Sanctuary]

I should add that my parents are very religious..

Also they are immagrants from the Carribean, if that means anything.

Lol oh man. You got no chance. I don't even know what to say. Just tough it out till you can get some independence I guess.. or be real sneaky about it LOL.

[kai]

I'll say just wait for college. Get good grades in school, get into a good college and then enjoy. Girls come and go man, your career is important right now. Moreover, school relationships don't really last anyway. So, you are not losing anything. Chill

[MDavis454]

You don't have to date anyone in high school, matter of fact based on personal experience i suggest against it because if you find someone good, if you end up moving apart, hearts get broken. but you should definately work on socializing with the ladies cuz there's TONS when you get to college. and if you mess up with the girls at your high school, guess what? they vanish from your life forever when you go to college, so you get a clean slate. get that experience now cuz you'd rather mess up talking to girls in high school than college