My ex logs on to Facebook 4 times a day after she broke up with me?

[onehunned]

Hi all,

Me and my ex had each other's Facebook passwords throughout the relationship. When we broke up in June, I changed it. However we kept talking up until 2 months ago, at which point she told me she no longer had feelings for me and wanted me to move on, and she then changed her Facebook password. I was really sad and I know I should've followed the no contact rule but basically I kept messaging her and calling her. She would mostly ignore me but sometimes I would drunk text her and she would ignore, but she sometimes showed interest. I think she liked the attention I was giving her.

Anyway, I gave up on her completely and switched my password back because I'm used to it, and I didnt think she'd log on because she said she was over me. I finally stopped messaging her 2 weeks ago COMPLETELY. No texts, calls or anything. A few days ago I started realizing that some of my Facebook messages have been read. I turned on email log on notifications last Saturday and, shockingly, she logged on to my Facebook over 20 times since then (that's 20+ times in 5 days). I wondered if maybe that meant she misses me...I tried logging onto her Facebook and noticed she changed her password back to the old one a week ago (maybe she wants me to check it?)

She already checked my Facebook twice today. I'm confused because either she misses me or she just checks cuz girls are curious...and I'm scared that if I message her I'll break the no contact rule and seem desperate again. If she had some interest though, wouldn't she message me? Or is her pride maybe getting in the way? What should I do?

[Wakeup]

Change your password again and stop letting her into your private stuff. This is just creepy and I'm surprised that you aren't pissed off at her nerve ffs.

She Broke Up With You... don't let her do this to you. If she wants you back then she should call you on the telephone (not text you) and tell you that she made a mistake and would you give her another chance.

Stop letting her get away with such piss poor behaviour. Its really mind boggling that you allow her to read your shit.

[onehunned]

Change your password again and stop letting her into your private stuff. This is just creepy and I'm surprised that you aren't pissed off at her nerve ffs.

She Broke Up With You... don't let her do this to you. If she wants you back then she should call you on the telephone (not text you) and tell you that she made a mistake and would you give her another chance.

Stop letting her get away with such piss poor behaviour. Its really mind boggling that you allow her to read your shit.

The thing is that I miss her...and I feel like she's reading my shit because she misses me but might be too scared/nervous (she's a very nervous girl) to tell me since she told me to move on a few weeks back.
But I came here to get objective opinions because I'm really not sure what to do now and what this means.
Help!

[TheEvilJester]

I'd have to agree with Wakeup. I can't say for sure why she would be constantly logging onto your Facebook. To me, that seems a little bizarre, so I cannot really comment as to what, if anything, I think that may mean. It could mean she misses you/wants you back but is too shy/prideful/nervous/whatever to say something to you. However, it could also just mean she is not fully over you, but does not want you back, yet is jealous and hoping you haven't moved on yet.

Either way, the bottom line is you do not deserve to have somebody who would play with your heart. If she does want you back, she can be an adult about it and talk to you. If she doesn't, then she needs to leave you the Hell alone.

I would definitely recommend you change your password. To be honest with you, I don't think you should ever share your personal passwords with anybody no matter how much you think you can trust them. One, everybody should be able to have things that are private. Two, you never know when something like this may happen (you break up) and then this person has your password and hurt feelings to boot.

Anyway, I would also personally recommend that when somebody is your ex, they are typically your ex for a good reason. So, it is probably honestly in your best interest not to get back together with her anyway. You broke up once. What could really have changed that would make you work this time? I'm not saying it NEVER works, I'm just saying that it often does not. IF you both do mutually decide to get back together, that needs to include a very serious talk about why you didn't work in the first place, and what can be done to change that.

Still, it sounds to me like this may be a situation where you are just better off finding somebody else. Good luck, my friend. I hope you find what you are looking for in life, whether that winds up being her or some other girl.

[woody]

Okay, well while I agree with much of what the others are saying; while you and your ex were together you say you fully disclosed your passwords to one another right?, so sharing your sites wasn't a big deal? and now she's changed her password back to the one (as did you) you both had when you were still an item and she's checking your site many times a day?

So she's either curious and missing you and is too stubborn or shy or both and a few other things to just pick up the phone and call you OR she's obsessing and slightly stalking you. All depends on what your comfortable with really. Only the two of you know what the scoop is between you and what's within the norm for you.

Here's a thought and a question all at once; Why don't you call Her? I mean, you sound like your missing her; you like this girl right? even though she's kinda stalking you and invading your privacy (but as you say, you both shared your sites before so no biggy aside from you know, being broke up n all) . But hey man, why prolong the torture? I don't know how deep your connection with her is but seems to me that if someone misses someone, they reach out without the added b.s of silly games; just, reach out. Use that invention called a land line or go high tech and use a cel or you could kick it truly old school and be bold, face to face.

I hope it all works out for you. But lastly, if you do get back with her, I'd have the talk about boundaries and respecting one's privacy. Just see where she's at with that.
Protect your heart.

[onehunned]

Okay, well while I agree with much of what the others are saying; while you and your ex were together you say you fully disclosed your passwords to one another right?, so sharing your sites wasn't a big deal? and now she's changed her password back to the one (as did you) you both had when you were still an item and she's checking your site many times a day?

So she's either curious and missing you and is too stubborn or shy or both and a few other things to just pick up the phone and call you OR she's obsessing and slightly stalking you. All depends on what your comfortable with really. Only the two of you know what the scoop is between you and what's within the norm for you.

Here's a thought and a question all at once; Why don't you call Her? I mean, you sound like your missing her; you like this girl right? even though she's kinda stalking you and invading your privacy (but as you say, you both shared your sites before so no biggy aside from you know, being broke up n all) . But hey man, why prolong the torture? I don't know how deep your connection with her is but seems to me that if someone misses someone, they reach out without the added b.s of silly games; just, reach out. Use that invention called a land line or go high tech and use a cel or you could kick it truly old school and be bold, face to face.

I hope it all works out for you. But lastly, if you do get back with her, I'd have the talk about boundaries and respecting one's privacy. Just see where she's at with that.
Protect your heart.

I could message her or something but I'm scared that's a sign of weakness, because after she broke up with me, I messaged her constantly for a month. I I finally stopped because I wanted to prove her (and myself) that I didn't need her.
Basically, either I message her and break the no contact rule or I wait and see if she misses me enough to message me. I have no idea what to do. I'm scared that if I message her, I'll seem desperate and weak, but I'm also scared that if I don't, she'll just move on as time goes by.

[Wakeup]

"seem" deperate and weak? You ARE desperate and weak. If you were not those two things then you would either call her to ask her what her point is in hacking your email several times a day or barring that, you'd email her and ask her out to coffee before you change your password to something she can't access your account from.

You are missing her and you're creeping her which keeps you mired in this ungodly fking game the two of your are playing which doesn't allow you to ever get to the stage of indifference to her which will, in turn, make you available in heart and mind to find someone bigger, brighter, better.

Stop this bullshit and either talk to her directly or just change your email and block and delete her so you can heal. You'll NEVER heal if you keep stalking her.

[woody]

I could message her or something but I'm scared that's a sign of weakness, because after she broke up with me, I messaged her constantly for a month. I I finally stopped because I wanted to prove her (and myself) that I didn't need her.
Basically, either I message her and break the no contact rule or I wait and see if she misses me enough to message me. I have no idea what to do. I'm scared that if I message her, I'll seem desperate and weak, but I'm also scared that if I don't, she'll just move on as time goes by.

She's kind of stalking you. Not the other way around right?

Wouldn't worry about coming off as weak. It matters not. If you want to talk to her, talk to her. Funny thing when it's the games people play that keeps them apart, not the actual true feelings.

[Wakeup]

She's kind of stalking you. Not the other way around right?

He's stalking her face book goings on (even if it means he's logging in to see if she stalked him it still means he's doing some stalking as well. They call if "creeping" in that stupid facebook world of stalking.

[milk&honey]

It does seem like she still has some interest in you. I would say stick to No Contact and see what happens. If she realizes she's made a mistake then she'll call you. If not, you will have to move on.

[iCraze]

I had a similar situation with my ex. We'd break up, get back together. Fight, break up, get back together. It was a vicious and horrible cycle. And it took me several years to finally realize that she didn't care about me like I cared about her. Even when we weren't together, we had a strong bond. Strong enough that I could call her "baby" and she respond like we were together. In short: we had a vice grip over each other. The only way to break a grip like that is to severe it off. Forget about everything you've ever said to her, and vice versa. Because the longer you stay, the more you'll feel hurt. And I've known her for four years now. But she was just playing games. Since I cut her off, I haven't talked to her since. And she hasn't messaged me since and/or called. My advice to you, in the words of K Camp: "It ain't nothin' to cut that bitch off"

[Wakeup]

It does seem like she still has some interest in you.

Yea some unhealthy curiosity to the point of obsessive snooping. THAT does not mean she wants him back.
If you keep watching her snooping on you Op and thinking that what milk&honey says is true (that she still has interest in you) then you will stagnate yourself from moving on from her THAT will stagnate you from being open to finding someone new.

M&H is right about one thing though. "If she realizes she's made a mistake then she'll call you" In the meantime don't let her keep going into your private shit. That is the biggest door matty behaviour I have heard of on this forum. You sound desperate and obsessed over someone who is nuts to begin with. (to keep doing what she's doing she must be issued... to allow her to keep doing it is just as dysfunctional)

[TheEvilJester]

I have to respectfully disagree with the advice that you contact her. After all, you admitted yourself that you had gone overboard in the past contacting her after it was over. She didn't appreciate it then, so I think it would likely not go well now. Not to mention, after all that, why should you just go crawling back to her again? If she wants to get back with you, let her grow up and come to you.

I know it can be hard to see this when you are stuck on somebody, but it sounds like you would really be much better off without her. Unfortunately, the only thing that can make you realize that is both distance and time. You need to stay away from her for a while and allow yourself time to heal. You need to realize that you deserve better than this. Again, I would recommend you change your password. Seeing that she has logged into your account is just one more reminder of her. You don't need that.

I would also personally advise that, even if she does come back to you, I don't think I'd recommend getting back with her anyway. Obviously that will have to be your decision, but this sounds like one of those situations where you are just better off. If you were to get back together, what makes you think the two of you won't just break up again? It has happened to you in the past. Then you will just be right back where you started, obsessed with her and finding yourself unable to forget her. Only it will probably hurt even worse, because you will think you finally got her back, only to have it blow up on you again.

Good luck, my friend. I sincerely do hope for the best for you.

[woody]

O.P

AFter reading more I must retract a little advice. ( Again, only the two of you understand what the scoop is) but if your both 'creeping' on each other, seems over the top after all that has happened and if continued, teaches you little as far as healthy connections go.
May I ask why your both snooping to such a degree on one another?

anyway, above advice by the other posters is as usual 'golden'.

I wish you strength.