What to do?! Im stressed out here!

[eatdirt13]

Hi, I’m 19 years old, and I would like some help or advice from someone who may have experienced a similar set of circumstances in the past or someone who has lived longer than me with more experience! J

One of my good friends split up with his girlfriend about 6 Months ago, or should I say she split up with him. They are both over that now, he is happy with another girl, and she is in an unstable relationship with an ‘’arse hole’’ of a boyfriend who treats her like crap!

My dilemma is, I really like her and care about her, a lot, and have done for a while, even whilst her and my friend were together, but I never really thought anymore of it for that reason alone. We have been going out on an evening on the odd occasion recently in a group or just the two of us ‘’as friends’’. We get on extremely well, and when we are together she is sometimes flirty and overfriendly (in a nice way). I really want to tell her how I feel to get it off my chest, but I can’t pluck up the courage to do so for fear of messing things up with our current friendship. She has said numerous times that she has made a mistake with the man she’s currently with and sees no future. We are texting daily about pretty much anything.

Also, my friend (as far as I’m aware) doesn’t know we hang out now and then. The reason for them not knowing, again, is because I’m afraid they will not be happy so I would hardly see her again! Also I wouldn’t want to be secretive all the time, hiding things from certain people.

I just don’t know what to do and it’s stressing me out!

Any helpful advice would be highly appreciated

Many Thanks

[Kaius]

It's all in your head. If she were remotely interested in you, then her rebound would be YOU instead of the arse-hole.
You are in the friend zone, so don't even stress it. Just think of it like a little crush. You don't need that extra
stress anyway. You are only 19. Why settle for someone who is unavailable?

[SelflessnHumble]

(1) Don't ever build relationships on top of other ones... (namely your friend's ex) These always end up in fail.
(2) Don't reveal how you feel to someone who is emotionally tied to another man (at the moment)

The fact you harbored secret feelings for your so called "friend" is pretty low dude.
The fact you continue to feel this way: with EACH new guy she meets is pretty creepy too...

What to do? Here's what to do:

Sit down and have lunch with your friend (the dude)
Ask him how would he feel about you dating his ex...
If he is cool with it: you won't have a problem from him.
If he isn't cool with it: you may jeopardize your friendship (I've done it, and had it done to me)

After that part is settled, you need to stop being this girl's emotional tampon...
If you want to be out of the friend zone you put yourself in: you need to get to the heart of the matter about WHY she is still with
this supposed "arse hole." It could be he has a big penis, and F ucks her really really good...Good girls stay with bad boys like this for reasons like this all the time.

Heck, this reason and the dude having an awesome drug connection are the two #1 reasons...

If you find out why this dude sucks...Become the guy she wants by doing the things she wants her man to do...

[eatdirt13]

Thanks Kaius:

Today, she has text me telling me that shes practically finished her relationship (if you can clal it that!) Hes just made a complete fool of her at work and shes got in trouble for it! About the 'rebound' I am always recieving texts off her saying how upset she is and how much she hates everything and saying she thinks shes a complete idiot for even doing what shes done in the first place.

We're going out round the city this weekend as a small group, do I just act normal, friendly, Or just play it by ear?

And unfortunately it's not 'a little crush' :/ It's a bloody big one! Soon as i leave from being with her i miss her instatnly!

Cheers for your advice

[smackie9]

Like I said before and the other poster....you are in the friends zone. You are her emtional tampon and I know that is all you are to her. Yes this hope is playing out in your head and it seems to me you are not hearing what you think you should be hearing. I've put guys in the friends zone for a reason...I'm not interested in them as a BF. There has been a few that professed their love for me and then it was stage left for me running for the exit.

[BrianM]

I definitely agree that you are likely in the friend zone. She may not even really realize that she's put you there, but the odds of you getting out of it and getting the relationship where you want it are low.

You definitely need to tread carefully though. Like selflessnhumble said, get your priorities straight. Talk to your buddy when the time is right. Don't make a move on her, unless she has given you strong indicators that she wants you to. The last thing you want to do is make a wrong move, piss her off, and have it get back to your friend, and the rest of your social circle.

This weekend may serve as a final affirmation one way or another. Just because a girl is flirty doesn't mean she actually sees you as a potential partner. girls like to flirt. Guys do too, but we're not usually as good at it. It's fun though, and "harmless flirting" isn't usually true for both sides. One side almost always mixes it up and gets burned. If she is flirting, touchy, holding on to you etc. you may need to man up and see where her headspace is. If she is holding on to you for a security blanket, you've got to eject no matter how difficult it is. I got caught up in a situation like yours when I was about your age and it stunted my experiences for quite a while.

Do: be mindful of the signals of attraction she may give you. If she begins flirty touching (not sexual, there is a difference), and is sober, she may in fact be in to you. Think about how girls five or six years younger act with boys they like. They do the playful hitting, play with their hair, shift their posture, but don't turn away or get uptight. Youtube should have some videos you can see for demos.

Don't: Hover around her. Get jealous and uptight if she mentions another guy she may be spying. Get drunk and make a brazen move thinking it's now or never. Also, don't play hard to get just for the sake of it. Blow your stack over anything. React appropriately to any situation. This means being cool and collected. Much better chance of maintaining a good social image if you aren't perceived as an obsessive psycho.

[eatdirt13]

Thanks BrianM that was a really helpful reply. No I'm not being sarcastic!

[hello1]

Um she likes you as a friend.

[GK001]

Just a friend....please dont be a martyr. those girls cant be saved