i havent made a decision yet but hypothetically... if i did any time soon, like in a few months, how could i go about it?
he's my first boyfriend, first love, i'm 20 hes 22. we've been together for over a year and weve been living together for 8 months. everything's been good up until his familys restaurant closed down a few months ago, where we both worked and met. the past few months have shown me how lazy and entitled he is. he hates the idea of work and he gets so easily depressed when he has to go to work (twice a week!). he's collecting employment insurance, and even though that rightfully his, i rather he get a job and have some structure in his life. he's been hooked on world of warcraft and he's also a pothead.
he wants to become an investor, and whether i think his resources are scams or not, at least he has goals. he wants to get serious about them. he acknowledges his pot addiction, yet when i try to help him or suggest ways to reduce if not quit, he gets touchy and really childish about it "i dont want to talk about it". and no matter how supportive i sound, he tells me he doesnt want me to see him "this way". he doesnt want hhis gf to see him as a loser or whatever. and even though he is coming across as a loser, i try to talk to him from a non judgmental approach. i just try to get to the root of things. he wants to improve himself, smoke less, etc, and he keeps telling me this is something he has to do on his own... he thinks its all about willpower, as if he's just inherently lazy.... but no... he makes all sorts of excuses for weed, he blames himself, not the weed, he blames anything but weed even when he KNOWS it's holding him back and its sad. i told him that the biggest mistake he can do is repeat one that has proven ineffective. and he's told me and himself enough times that he'll somehow force himself to change or smoke less, as opposed to getting serious and not smoke at all. i feel like there is not much more i can say or do, only to give it a little more time and see if anything really changes this time. but say if it doesnt...
how would i break up with him? we're both in a bit of debt, share 50/50 in this apt. i guess i could afford to move out since i dont worry much about money. but how do i tell him? i want to be honest but would it be too harsh to say that im not attracted to his negativity/whininess/lack of productivity? im also afraid because i know he loves me very much and aside from all of this, he's a loving person. i dont like the idea of crushing him and making him more negative. i kinda worry hell guilt trip me, and say breaking up with him will make him more depressed, if that happens what do i do or say?