5 days

[Tug]

My GF and I had an argument about her ex husband and how I felt she was still in love with him (clearly she's not if she was she wouldnt have divorced him). Anyway, we havent talked for 5 days which is the longest wever ever gone without talking in the 2 years that weve been dating. Should I assume the relationship is over and take the rest of her things back to her or should I wait till she actually says she no longer wants to go out?

2 weeks ago we were talking about getting married now were not even talking, how jacked up is that?

[dewilliams2]

It all depends...if you want it to be over then take her stuff to her....if not then I would say take some flowers and kiss some ass.

[Doc Durian]

Why not create an environment to discuss this thing with her first before making a decision?

Think back to when you first fell for her, and where that was..... re-create that scenario....

...take her somewhere which sums up your entire relationship.... or search for something special to give her...

(One of my brothers just called me yesterday because he wanted "Pineapple Grass" as featured in Dave Matthews lyrics in order to fully apologize to her despite there being no common known bracelets woven from this material.)

He reckoned that it was the solution, despite it not existing in bracelet normality.

Maybe just talk to her and listen instead of talking... she could shed some light on how she feels to you...

[Tug]

Thanks for replies, this isnt all about me doing or saying something stupid. She recently sold a house her and her ex husband owned, because they had to get it ready she was spending allot of time with him. I could clearly see she was acting different I even brought it to her attention and she tried to play it down. Whats really jacked is now that her house is sold and she's looking for a house of her own she's living with my sister and brother in law. Im thinking that if she called me and ended the relationship she couldnt stay with my sister and would have to find someplace else to live. By not having any contact with me or allowing me to end it she'd look like the victim and could still live where she's living.

[Coco]

I don't get it. Why haven't you called her or spoken to her? Why are you sitting around waiting for her to make contact.

[Tug]

coco everytime we have a disagreement im the one that always caves in. i cant keep getting on my knees begging her to come back to me. i feel if i did anything wrong id be the first to call/txt and tell her i was sorry and try to work it out but this time is different, this time she has to be the one that extends the olive branch. if its over she needs to end it, if not she had to convey that message to me.

[Coco]

Well this time you probably are wrong again. You didn't go into details about the argument but it sounds like you were being insecure and jumping to conclusions. But it's hard to tell with little info.

[LailaK]

If you love her talk to her and work it out. If you don't love her end it yourself.

Why are you being so passive and giving someone else control over how your future goes?

[dewilliams2]

You have to understand that at one point she did love that man so being around her even if he did hurt her she probably does on some subconscious level have feelings for him...I know you don't like that but thats part of being with somebody who has been married before.

If you love this woman you will realize that it doesn't matter who is right or wrong but that this is not a problem that can't be overcome....if you want this to continue you have to be a man and apologize...I know it sucks sometimes but thats what we have to do.

If you don't want this relationship then I say take her stuff to her...its certainly your call.

[Tug]

Her ex is a functioning alcoholic, according to her he wasn't physically abusive but he would belittle her on a regular basis drunk or not. They couldn't go to a function without him getting drunk or there wasn't a point in time during the course of the day he didn't have a beer in his hand. On the weekends from the minute he woke up Saturday morning till Sunday afternoon he was drinking beer.

I have some pretty serious health issues and for the past 5 days she couldn't even send me a text to see if I was ok or if I needed anything. If I was one of her friends or someone from the church she attends she'd be the first one to offer some sort of assistance, I guess because she "loves me" Im held to a different set of standard, if thats the way she express her love than Im better off being alone.

While I was at church I thought allot about this and came to the conclusion to move on with my life. I have to go over my sisters tomorrow to check my mail. Beings she'll be at work I'll go ahead and drop off her stuff and move on with my life. I love this woman with all my heart and this is going to hurt more than you can imagine but I cant allow anyone to treat me like this, if I do it'll never stop and I'll be in for a lifetime of misery.

Thanks again for all your replies

[IndiReloaded]

Did you do something wrong, or not? Be sure you aren't 'taking a stand' for issues that have to do with your past, not her.

She's not treating you like anything, except to not communicate with you. But you are behaving exactly the same. You are up against all these expectations that you aren't communicating to her. That's unfair, she's not a mind-reader. You have to ask, politely, for what you want.

Sounds to me like you want to quit rather than own up to your responsibility in keeping the relationship together. This doesn't involve caving and apologizing all the time, unless you have actually done something that warrants it. You need to improve your assertiveness and communication ability. Otherwise, you will continue to have these problems with other women also.

[Tug]

Indi thats not it all. Whenever we have a disagreement Im ALWAYS the one that gives in... ALWAYS. When were having a problem she'll text me till she's blue in the face, regardless of how hip texting is when two people are having a problem texting isnt the proper way to solve it IMO in order to get the problem solved its important that they talk, Im sure you'd agree. I hate the fact that I havent spoke to her in 5 days but I cant always be the one that gives in, she has to accept some responsibility and realize that it takes two people to make a relationship work/fail.

To give you an idea of how understanding and trusting I am because of the housing market she couldnt sell her house and couldnt afford to get a place of her own so she lived with her ex for 10 months after she divorced him. Do your have any idea how much that bothered me but I never let it become an issue.. never. To answer your question I questioned her feelings for her ex and why she had to hide the fact that they were spending so much time together and why her attitude had changed so much.

[Tug]

Did you do something wrong, or not? Be sure you aren't 'taking a stand' for issues that have to do with your past, not her.

Otherwise, you will continue to have these problems with other women also.

How dare you!! I've done everything possible to keep my relationship together. How long would you stay with the person you love living with their ex before you called it quits? Because they got along so well even after their divorce there were times I wondered if they were actually divorced but like I never questioned her, I truly believed she was being honest with me. You seem to think it's the male that has to go back and beg a woman to forgive him, did you ever entertain the idea that I may not have done anything wrong it this is all on her? No, of course not why would you? Youve probably gone through your entire life thinking its always the mans fault and if you dont change your attitude your the one thats going to be alone for the rest of your life. Women are like buses if I miss one I have no problem catching another one as a matter of fact if I wasn't the faithful fool I am I would have gone out her on several occasions. Coco pull your head out your no better than the fool I just replied to. There wont be any point in replying to this post, I wont be back

[Mish]

My GF and I had an argument about her ex husband and how I felt she was still in love with him (clearly she's not if she was she wouldnt have divorced him). Anyway, we havent talked for 5 days which is the longest wever ever gone without talking in the 2 years that weve been dating. Should I assume the relationship is over and take the rest of her things back to her or should I wait till she actually says she no longer wants to go out?

Indi thats not it all. Whenever we have a disagreement Im ALWAYS the one that gives in... ALWAYS.

Tug, what's the issue you are trying to solve? Do you want to know where both of you stand after the argument? Or do you want to end the relationship because you always give in after the two of you have a disagreement?

[dewilliams2]

How dare you!! I've done everything possible to keep my relationship together. How long would you stay with the person you love living with their ex before you called it quits? Because they got along so well even after their divorce there were times I wondered if they were actually divorced but like I never questioned her, I truly believed she was being honest with me. You seem to think it's the male that has to go back and beg a woman to forgive him, did you ever entertain the idea that I may not have done anything wrong it this is all on her? No, of course not why would you? Youve probably gone through your entire life thinking its always the mans fault and if you dont change your attitude your the one thats going to be alone for the rest of your life. Women are like buses if I miss one I have no problem catching another one as a matter of fact if I wasn't the faithful fool I am I would have gone out her on several occasions. Coco pull your head out your no better than the fool I just replied to. There wont be any point in replying to this post, I wont be back

Well thats fine...don't really need people around who have misdirected anger...I don't see where IndiReloaded or Coco did anything wrong...you came here for advice....you were given advice...nothing wrong was done but you took offense and got angry....I certainly have no problem if you don't return and I'm not surprised your gf doesn't want to talk to you if thats how you treat people.