Help me out, ladies...

[Herkymur]

I'm looking for some advice, ladies. Please help me.

I'm 43, she's 37 and I'm totally in love with her. We've been friends for over a year, and also neighbors in the same apt. building, both coming out of divorces. She's not good with expressing her feelings or emotions, but within the last month or so we've become very close and things seem to be moving forward nicely. Christmas comes, I'm at her apt and there's 24 roses on her kitchen table. I decline to comment. Then New Years hits and she tells me that she was "the other woman" the past however many months with a married guy from her home town (7 hrs away). She told me it's over. She said she just wanted to air out that laundry so there were no secrets between us. My insecurities have now outgrown my ability to think straight. I wasn't "that" insecure before, always been confident in myself. Why am I now freaking out? I adore her and want to progress into a serious relationship with her. I guess trust is my issue, huh? Living so close to each other is such a bad thing. I know this. Space is needed, but it's hard when she's 30 feet from my front door. I treat her like gold, which she loves but isn't used to. I'm so confused. I think to myself she just wants someone close for convenience, and other times I think she really wants a relationship. I'm not good at playing games, I wear my heart on my sleeve, which has been very painful in the past. I know this is all over the place, just typing thoughts.

Now it's your turn. Hit me. I can take it.

Sad, happy and confused,

Herkymur

[Flowercat]

First of all im really sorry for the pain it has done to you.. But I completly understand that you are feeling insecure, because of what has happen. But If you really love her, and wants to make a relationship, then you have to face yourself, and start trusting youself and her again. This is something you need to tell her, make her understand how you feel, and that you have to take it slow. You need to be completley sure thats she wants the same thing as you, or else you are just going to get hurt again. Talk to her, and if she wants the same , then take it slow, and built up your relationship, so you start trusting her again - and yourself.

[vashti]

She probably really DOES want a real relationship, but she probably isn't ready for one. It sounds like the break with the other man is very recent.

[girlygirl2011]

I think that she must trust you a lot to get the courage to tell you about her past relationship. It is good that you are there for her, especially at this point in her life (when she is probably vulnerable emotionally).

Since she has opened up to you emotionally, I do not think you should withdraw from being her friend as it is obvious that she has put a lot of trust in you to be able to share that with you.

Perhaps you should take it slow and continue to be a good friend to her - with no expectations. If you can't do that, then it might be necessary for you to re-evaluate your friendship with her because I suspect there are numerous issues at play which need to be sorted out if you both want to have a deeper relationship... i.e. more than good friends.

[Herkymur]

Well, thank you all for your input, but my biggest fear just came true tonight. I was supposed to be in Seattle tonight and it cancelled, so I told her I would be here. She said she already made plans with her gf to go out to dinner. I said that's fine, I'll catch you later. She doesn't have her daughter on Thursday nights. So I'm out letting the dogs out and some guy comes walkin up to her apt with flowers...knocks, she's not there, he sees me and says, "Hey, if you see (name) would you tell her I stopped to give these to her? We were supposed to go out tonight, but she won't answer my call or txt. We kind of fell on hard times before the holidays." My heart broke instantly.

My instincts knew, I just wasn't listening. :-(