Newbie struggling

[MissBeingLoved]

Struggling

So I have an itch to text the ex and thought it would be better to write here instead.

A brief overview:
Together:
14 Years, not married, no kids, no property, 4 cats
He Left:
After a business trip Nov 2011 (longest we had been apart) 3 weeks
Left on:
15th November 2011
Reason:
He felt we were more friends than a couple, he needed time to think, sort his head out
Strung me along for months before confessing to an affair with a female colleague on business trip
Told me that was all the secrets and yes he was still with her, and yes, he loved her
He has recently told me that having left me 6 months ago, OW is 5 months pregnant
He is "over the moon" about becoming a Dad (a phrase not in his vocab)
He was diagnosed with depression before he left and got no treatment
So after 6 months, he has a woman, a baby on the way and they are getting a mortgage together
OW left her 5 year boy friend 1 year ago after not being able to concieve (no swimmers)
Additional Info:
He is desperate to remain "friends"

WHY Do I still love him
WHY Do I still want him
WHY Do I still miss him
WHY Would I take him and the other womans baby into my life to have him home again
WHY Do I want to remain in touch with him, even in light of all that has happened
WHY Am I so scared that NC means he will NEVER contact me again
WHY Do I still hope, pray, wish on stars that he will come home
WHY Do I still look out the window, hoping to see him outside
WHY Do I still tense when I hear footsteps on the stairs outside, thinking it might be him
WHY Would I forgive him all his wrongs just to have him back, holding me in his arms
WHY Do I listen to my gut that says he will be back

[MissBeingLoved]

I have been NC for 3 days and just want to text him, I dont want him to forget me

[cast no shadow]

I just want to say I'm sorry for your pain.
14 years is a life time and it is obvious that you'll be hurting, and there is nothing wrong about it.
It will probably take more than 6 month to get over that.

About the other things, I don't think no one can really say what happened.
It could have been some short thing and then she got pregnant, or it could be that he really wants her.

I think, again, that you shouldn't be ashamed or angry about how hurt you feel.
That is really reasonable.

[MissBeingLoved]

Thanks hun.

Its really tough, as he was saying he loved me up until the very day he left.

We both knew this girl and she was desperate for children, she split from her partner of 5 years just a year ago after finding he couldnt have children. It seems like she was desperate for a child, regardless of whose.

I know him so well and feel sorry that he has got stuck like this, we never wanted children. He cringes when he hears them playing outside and is the guy that shouts at them to keep it down

[JasonSA]

Thanks for your post

[haxan]

we never wanted children

Looks like he changed his mind. The OW found what she wanted and got it. After getting it, he realized it's what he wants. Sometimes it takes the right person to bring out the best in us, unfortunately for you, you just weren't the right one for him, and she was.

It hurts after so much time together, but it's certain the relationship was dying for a long time prior, the both of you just ignored it. You'll find someone else and it will be a better fit, eventually.