So, who should make first contact?

[petal]

A while back I posted about a guy from work who I thought liked me but then left and I didn't know whether to contact him (I can't post the link to it, this forum won't let me!)

Well I finally got round to emailing this guy just to say hi and ask him how his new job was and he responded and asked to meet up for a drink. All good, we did this on Friday, spent all afternoon and evening out together, chatting and then went back to his. No sex but more talking and cuddling and watching tv, just being chilled. He walked me home and we had a few kisses and that was that.

Now, he has my phone number but I don't have his. He hasn't contacted me yet. I don't know if I should send him an email just to say I had a nice time and ask if he wants to meet up again. Would this be really wrong?

Despite him offering a couple of times for me to crash at his the other night, as we were both tired, I kept saying I really should get home. Plus he was being quite affectionate with me and I wasn't offering a huge amount back other than just letting him (I'm quite shy physically and takes a while for me to get comfortable especially as this was our first date). So I now keep wondering if I might have come across as not that interested and he's worried about me turning him down for another date.

Will I come across as desparate if I contact him 4 days after our date?

[maryld]

He has your details. He will contact you if he is really interested

[JohnnyGileaid]

It is definitely possible that he thinks you are not interested. Guys, or at least myself, read a lot into the physical cues from women rather than just how the night goes conversation wise. Stuff like, I reached for her hand to hold it, but later she never reached for mine. When I kissed her, she didn't lean in at all, didn't put her arms around me, didn't kiss back, etc.

It sounds like it went well though, although it is hard for me to tell since I wasn't there. I don't think there is anything wrong with you emailing him just to say that you had a good time -- I almost always text girls I take out the day after just to let her know I enjoyed her company, very simple, just, "Hey I had a good time with you last night." I would love if they did it to me.

Don't go overboard though, just a short email like my example and that is it. This guy could be worried about looking too desperate as well, and that is why he is waiting to call you -- to keep you wondering. Some guys think you are supposed to wait a week after the first date to call.

There is nothing wrong with you emailing him. Go for it!

[ellie]

I think you have to show some interest in the beginning or the guy will def think you are not that interested. I think, it's never desperate to show interest in the beginning, to show the guy that you are light, bright, funny and easy to be with (I don't think guys in general like girls who play too hard to get).

After a while though, when you see that the guy is starting to show interest back, you may want to step back and let the guy lead. Then you already have him interested in you, so he will take the lead.

This is not 100% facts, it's just what I noticed works for me when seeing new guys...

I dont have a problem sending a text or email, however, making a phone call is probably not something I would do the first couple of dates, I'd wait for him to call me.

[VeryIntrigued]

The first rule to any relationship is communication. This means from both sides. If you like him, let him know.

In my past I can think of a few girls that I can tell liked me, but not one of them said anything. Had they just said something, it would of made things easier for everyone.

[petal]

Thanks for your replies. I got fed up with thinking there might be some game playing going on so I emailed him today just to say I'd had a nice time and if he wanted to meet up again to let me know. If he did think I wasn't interested then at least it would have put him straight, and if he wasn't interested, then all he had to do was say then I'd know.

Anyway, he got back to me a couple of hours later to say that he'd not been in the office (I only have his work email) and asked if I wanted to do something at the weekend. Feel better now, but I'll never know if he would have got in touch with me off his own back. But if he really didn't want to know then he could have avoided me altogether. I'll try to show him a bit more interest when I see him next!