My broken heart story. Help? [LONG READ]

[djfernie]

Please Only read if you're in the mood for reading....and helping. This is the full story of my problem and it is kinda longish, but I will appreciate everybody's help.

So Hi everybody! My name's Fernie and I joined the forum because I have a problem towards my girlfriend that's been eating me alive. I will fist introduce the "characters" and describe them, then I will describe the actions that happened, and finally I will explain my problem, I'm sorry if I write too much, but I really need someone to help me realize what the hell to do.

Ok, so in one week it will be 2 years since I've been going out with my girlfriend, here's a brief description of her. She's 18, in college, very pretty, living by herself with her dad's money who lives in Australia but is actually looking to get a job herself because she doesn't want to turn into one of those people who just live off of their parents and never become anything, she's very smart and educated, very polite, but has a problem, she lies a LOT to get out of trouble, not just to me, but anyone she has to. She's not a good liar, yet it's almost like a sickness she can't cure. She understands me a lot, she remembers things that sometimes I forget, she really loves me and I actually know this. I feel like she completes me, although sometimes I feel like killing her hahaha. She's helped me out a lot, and is a very nice girl, her only problems are like I said, lying, and she is unorganized and lazy. Other than that she's amazing. Ok now on to the next character.


This guy from her apartment complex, he works in the office. My girlfriend lives in one of the two apartments upstairs, the one next to hers is a showroom. The guy is constantly there showing apartments. He's always looking good because he wears a shirt and tie, and he's one of those guys who plays nice but in reality is a douchebag you'll understand why in a sec.


And finally, me. I only 2 years older than my girl and trust me, the age difference is not felt one bit. Ive done anything you can imagine for her. She used to live with her mom, which was hell, because she would beat my girl up and make her do insane tasks and control her and never give her any money for anything. But throughout all the bad times, I was there, I helped her graduate from high school, and I helped her meet her real dad, who happened to have a lot of money and he's a nice guy, so everything she has right now, she actually deserves after everything her crazy *** mom put her thru. Good and Bad, Fernie's been there, and she's grown to love me like if I was a part of her, she trusts me fully, because I never betrayed her and because she knows I'm incapable of cheating, but she doesn't admit this because she has this thing where she always has to be even, so if I don't say I trust her, she won't either, but I know she does.


Anyways on to the actions that messed up my trust for her....



After December, I lost my job, and I struggled very much to find a new one but I did, it was in Armani store at the local mall, I worked my *** off but it was so frustrating to be under commission. My girl cheered me on though and was proud that I had gotten a job and was working so hard and was doing the best I could. Anyways, one day, I come to her house around 4PM before I went to work, and I find out she has been texting the office guy for about two or three days! As I find this out I ask to see the phone, up to this day I do not know nor will I ever know what was on those texts because she didn't show me, she chose not to because she didn't want me to get all angry over nothing (according to her) and leave her. So I leave her house pissed off obviously, and have one of the worst days at my job, I couldn't believe I was working so hard while she was doing nothing at home, and on top of everything she was talking to that dude.

I return, later that night, midnight, and she apologizes to me and tells me there was nothing going on, and she told me the complete story of how it ended up happening, here it is:

She needed to hang a clock, which is heavy and her walls are very tall, so she needed a ladder. She goes to the office to put in a request to have one of the guys from maintenance to bring in a ladder, so according to her, the office guy and the maintenance guy show up at her house to see what they would be doing with the clock before bringing the ladder. After inspecting the wall, Office guy asks for her number so they could get back to her to let her know when they would be bringing the ladder. Anyways, the fat maintenance guy did the clock thing and that was it. But later in the day, she receives a message that said 'What's up?' so she is weirded out because the guy had just been there, what could he possibly want now? He usually only called when she was needed at the office to sign something, but now he was just acting casual. Anyways they texted back and forth and just talk about innocent things like her having a cat and him too, and him being transfered to another location (something that never happened) and bla bla bla. I believed her, or a least I told her I did, I mean come on, there are so many flaws in the story. For one, the office guy already HAD her number in the office, there was no need to ask for it. He saved the number into his personal Cell phone and started texting her for unproffessional reasons. Second of all, if it would've been innocent talk, she would've just shown me to prove there was nothing wrong, she always does that, she shows me and then laughs at me for being a jealous idiot, which I prefer actually instead of her hiding stuff from me.

Anyways that was her story, i forgave her, and that same night we put on a movie and relaxed, and in the middle of the movie, yup, you guessed it, the freaking guy texts again!! This time I read it, he said she looked like she was sad today, and wanted to know if she was ok. I got pissed as HELL! Grabbed both her phone and mine, and I saved his number onto my phone, and then texted him right there,I told him to stop texting my girl. He replies with him just wanting to keep it proffesional and just being a friend, I came back with not giving a sh*t, I just wanted him to leave my girl alone, eventually after a couple texts we quit it. Then, I grabbed my girlfriend's phone and texted him pretending to be her while she was right next to me, and told him not to text her anymore and that I was sorry I he got the wrong impression of her and stuff like that. He didn't text back until the next day, saying "Sorry that I bother you so much, have a good day." you know, pretending to be the victim, the sorry kid, I didn't care, we were done, or so I thought. After that, my girlfriend feels bad I guess and she texts him back! Saying "You dont bother me, haha youre funny" I still remember those words and they hurt me everytime I remember. All she had to do was leave it like that, but NO! She had to go the extra mile and step on my dreams even more. lol

So here's my problem, I feel ashamed of having to have told a dude to stop texting my girl when she wasn't even willing to do it. I hate the fact that they don't talk to each other but because of me, that's not the right reason for it. I know she thinks he's attractive because when I asked, she said he's "OK looking", which in girl language means "I like him but I don't want to be THAT messed up". And I know he likes her, but not for a relationship, obviously, but just for a night or two. After all I have done for her, after everything I went thru being broke and looking for whatever job and working late just so I could barely pay my phone bill and gas and get some crappy food, she goes on and betrays me like that. Now I know she's able to betray me easily, and to lie about it, and to defend other people she doens't even know, and to do whatever it takes to make sure she looks good in the end, even if we break up. I made her change numbers, and told her not to go to the office, because I didn't believe a girl would be summoned to an office as much as she is. But she goes anyways because she says she has no choice because her dad is not here to fill out the papers and update info and etc. But now she tells me he happens to never be there when she goes in, and that there's always just girls, and that always a girl is the one who helps her! I mean come on! How much more can you lie to someone that loves you.

I feel I've become really jealous, controlling, paranoid, angry, and that I can't trust her anymore. And I told her she would have to start rebuilding my trust for her, but I just don't think she can do it. She loves me, I know this for a fact, but she is weak, she may even be right when she says she doesn't like the guy, because she is a very friendly, sensitive and shy person, that she is easily persuaded, if you ask her to give you somehting she will, and then she will wonder why she did it, she lives with a lot of regrets, and mistakes. she also refers to this guy now as a "mistake" that wont happen again. She admited she was stupid to do what she did and that she will work hard to get me to trust her again, but I don't think I can. Because why wouldn't she show me? Why wouldn't she tell the guy to stop? Why did I have to be the one to cut him from her life? I wish it wouldn't have been like that because I can;t help but feeling that if I hadn't gotten in the middle, they would probably be together by now. But I will never know, and living with things I will never know is hard for me, I'm so
worried, even though I know that I can find a better girl if I wanted to, I just love her, and I know she loves me, and I would hate to end this and then regret it, and think about her being with this dude. so it;s like I dont want to leave her for two reasons, one because I love her, and two because I dont want anyone else to be with her.

Do you think there is hope? What should I do? I already agreed to give her one more chance, but how should I behave from now on? Should I be patient and not interfere in her plans? Should I still check her phone and messages every once in a while? Should I keep my eye on her for a while to make sure everything will be fine? Or should I not care and let her do her own things the way she thinks should be done and if something bad happens then it happens? What can I do? What would you do? I really need help, you can see how late it is, and this happened a while ago, but it still bothers me, and the guy is still working there (not to mention also living at the complex). I just don't like how I've become because of this problem, and I hate the way our relationship is now because of this, if we wouldn't have had that set back, we would be in harmony, now we fight all the time cuz I get angry at her constantly for every little thing, as if I'm looking for a way to punish her but I can't be as messed up as she was, I wish I would have a girl in my life that I could've made her jealous and hurt like she did, but I'm not that kind of person, I love HER and HER only and that's why I would like someone's opinion and help. Please be respectful. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope to see some good replies, and thank you very much in advance, I hope everything will be fine in the end.

-Fernie

[djfernie]

LOL Really? No one?

[7sins]

o m g... seriously?

cliff notes?

[nov13]

Hey Fernie,

I read the whole thing. You seem like a decent guy. I feel for you, man. The question here is what is YOUR worth to you? You shouldn't compromise yourself. If she really loved you, she wouldn't play around with the relationship the way she has. Real love is so strong, you can't even comprehend it - it can easily withstand all. And nothing can tempt it. The fact that she is having such a hard time not talking to this guy, her weakness shows she has no real love for you. She might be a nice girl, but nice just doesn't cut it. Nice people can cheat, they just feel bad about it, and what's the difference. In the end it's still the same result.

If I were you, I wouldn't trust her either. Be firm and strong in yourself. Do not compromise yourself for anyone. I'm not saying be proud - pride has no place in a relationship, but have dignity. Pride and dignity are two completely different things. One is selfish, the other one pure.

So, there comes a point where you need to tell your gf. What you are doing compromises me, and our relationship. I will not be with someone who compromises me.

The fact that you wouldn't cheat on her shows your love for her, when you really love someone you don't even want think of anyone else, and you aren't even tempted to. It shouldn't be hard not to cheat, in real love it's easy because you don't even have the urge, not even a little bit. It's like temtation is powerless and you can't be tempted - that's real love.

It's much better being single than with the wrong person. And if you settle, you get what you deserve. Something mediocre just like most people, that isn't real and can be broken easily.

The problem with many relationships is people tend to think of them as something that complements their life - and that's what they get. No, a relationship IS a way of life. You have to give your all to it, to really reap the true rewards.

There is no compromises in real love. People throw around the word love and overuse it to the point that it doesn't mean anything. "I love pie!" What the hell, if you love it, go marry it.
You either have love, or don't. It's either breakable or not. There is no in between.

[Raze]

I read the entire thing. There's no hope. She betrayed your trust. If you remain in a relationship with her, you will always have thought in the back of your head that tells you "she might be cheating on me again right now." It will literally drive you insane.

You need to find a girl who isn't so insecure with herself that she can't say NO or STOP!

She sounds like an insecure little bitch to be honest.