And the cycle begins again. *Sigh*

[Perd]

The cycle of spending time with someone that is really awesome in almost every way and then finding reasons to justify not staying with them.

This is kind of hard to explain writing on a forum like this. I'll try my best and hope it doesn't turn out to jumbled so someone may understand it a little at least and be able to offer some kind of suggestion.

This seems to be my life story when it comes to relationships. I think I want a relationship. I desire that kind of connection and closeness with someone sharing moments with someone on a level more than a friendship. Just everything I guess. I don't know what the problem is though. I don't know if it's just that I'm not ready to settle down. I feel that I am though. I don't know if it's just that I haven't found the right person. But then I ask myself if I'm just to picky. Why shouldn't I be picky though? I don't feel it's right for either person to just settle for the sake of being with someone. I don't know if its because I don't generally get attached to things so for me it's easy to let them go for smaller reasons.

Example:

Dating this girl and she is loyal and honest...gorgeous. Just many things you can only hope to find. She cares for me a great deal. Everything is good. Then it's like a switch flips one day and I start questioning myself and questioning if this is what I want to be doing at the present time. Then I start justifying not being with her with little things here and there until it's like I have made up my mind and accepted not being with her all so quickly. It makes it even 100 times harder when I go to the gym or to work or to whatever and see this beautiful girl or that beautiful girl and think to myself what if she is the same as the current one but where the current one falls short she does not. I know it's horrible to always be looking for an upgrade and I really do wish I could just be satisfied, but I cannot seem to do it. It's like the dating goes well and it's like the a current stock market graph. It's slowly building and building and things are going great and then just one day the bottom falls out and it's to nothing just that quick.

Of course I still have time and several say ah don't worry you'll find it someday and you'll know it (I'm 25). But I then think will I know it? I mean i have dated some really amazing girls in the recent past and one or two little things were deal breakers then is it really that likely to find one that I simply cannot live without? I feel bad, almost like I am leading these girls on. I really am not though and I really do care for them and enjoy the time we are together but then it's just that time where the switch gets flipped and its like all feelings shut off. I am perfectly content with being single and really do enjoy that part of life too. But there gets to be a point where it would be nice to share a life with someone, have a family, have memories...all those nice things.

I am in the process of trying to find a therapist to go talk with and see if they can provide some insight on the way I view things or hell, give me some meds to turn me into a zombie haha.

Any suggestions or anything is greatly appreciated.

[Kromat]

Well, if we got some insight as to what your currently doing with your life without having a girl, that would help.
I'm also 25 by the way, and maybe you could be picky, but at least you got some chances to fix what you were doing.

P.S. Maybe your expecting too much and don't give them a chance to just be with you.

[Perd]

Well, if we got some insight as to what your currently doing with your life without having a girl, that would help.
I'm also 25 by the way, and maybe you could be picky, but at least you got some chances to fix what you were doing.

P.S. Maybe your expecting too much and don't give them a chance to just be with you.

Currently I stay pretty busy. Working 12-13 hours 5 days a week. On top of that running two side businesses with a friend of mine. The extra time I have I enjoy going out doing whatever really. I think some of the problem is the amount of time a relationship requires. I feel almost like I am neglecting them if I don't spend much time with them. I have time for a relationship if the right one came around I guess. But at the current time justifying making time for them has not been easy at times. Sure at first I'll slack off on working so many hours to spend more time with them but then it goes back to me preferring to be working or staying busy with something else rather than with them.

I have no doubt I may be expecting to much. But I tend to get annoyed with little stupid things or mannerisms sometimes and for some reason cannot overlook them no matter how much I try. I know they are insignificant but it doesn't seem to matter how insignificant I feel they are, they just keep annoying the hell out of me until it's more than I care to deal with so it's just simple to remove them from my life.

In the end I just end up thinking well this one isn't the one for me. No matter how amazing of a person she is and how close we are it just didn't work out for whatever reason. But then on the other hand I also feel like, damn I'm just magnifying the smallest things for some reason. I have no clue why I do this or why there are some things that I just cannot overlook as completely insignificant things to our relationship.

[lastwish]

In order to become close to someone, you need to recognize their imperfections and still be okay with it. You can't be close to them if you can't look beyond the shallowness.