thinking of leaving don't know what to do

[ddgirl1980]

Hi Everyone,

I have been in a relationship for 6 years going on 7 years with my fiance, unfortunately things haven't been the greatest. Currently we are staying with his family because he isn't working. Lately I have been feeling like this relationship is going no where. We barely talk because I feel so much resentment. I am the one who has carried this relationship to this point. Walking away seems like the answer but with so much time vested should I give him a chance to change and step up to the plate?

[michelle23]

You have given him 6years to change already. People do not change no matter how much you want them to. He is who he is. So either accept him for who he is or leave.

Honestly if you need to ask this question-then its time to go

[smackie9]

I need more info. How was your relationship before? Is this just a set back?


I don't think it's time to go unless you see no resolution. All couples have misfortunes like losing a job. It's a tough economy in the States, finding a job can be impossible let alone finding a decent one. You have to realize if you ever marry, you have to work through the back and the good as a team so now would be a good time to test that. Have a talk with him, and set goals and deadlines. Discuss solutions to getting a job, like help him do up a new resume, locate contacts, get applications, search the ads with him, etc. You want to be a good wife? support your man emotionally, stand by his side, work together. If you ever found yourself in this situation, wouldn't you expect the same from him?

[ddgirl1980]

He actually hasn't been working for last 6 years or least not anything steady. I have tried to support him in what ever he tries to do. I feel torn because I do love him but I don't want to spend the next 6 years like the last

[Wakeup]

Hi Everyone,

I have been in a relationship for 6 years going on 7 years with my fiance, unfortunately things haven't been the greatest. Currently we are staying with his family because he isn't working. Lately I have been feeling like this relationship is going no where. We barely talk because I feel so much resentment. I am the one who has carried this relationship to this point. Walking away seems like the answer but with so much time vested should I give him a chance to change and step up to the plate?[

I dunno. What's he done so far that shows you he's changed from the irresponsible little boy he's been for the last six years? If the answer to that is nothing, then it's ultimatum time. Like: Either you get help for your shiftless-bastardness with a professional councelor to find out why you're unable to keep a job or, I'm gone by the end of the month.

He's obviously not going to change since you keep enabling him not to have to. Stop enabling him to be who he is and maybe then, he will actually be motivated to be the best he can be.

[AnErin]

Why did you get with him on a serious level to begin with? Most women will not tolerate a jobless bum.
Maybe on a temp basis but SIX years?

Every time I read crap like this it makes me think of some loser i dated for a few weeks who's lived in three different places and sat around playing COD all the time. He was a turd.

[smackie9]

Ya it's hard to believe it took 6 years to get to a tipping point.....why did it take 6 years???? most wouldn't tolerate it after the third date.