My ex girlfriend (who is pregnant) is obsessed w/my ex wife

[singledad32]

Background: My used to be "live in" girlfriend is pregnant. She has a 14 yr old daughter and has been married twice and I have two daughters 8 and 9 yrs old from a previous marriage, which I have joint custody of. She (full time) and her daughter every other weekend lived with us over the last year and for the most part we were a happy family. From the beginning of our relationship she tried to get to know my ex wife when we were at the girls birthday parties or a function that required the two of us (my ex wife and I) to be at the same place at the same time. However, my ex didn't really ever warm up to her and my GF became bitter towards her and vice versa. My ex wife is also still very attached to parts of my life such as my mother, my female cousins, and just my family in general. Despite our differences we were always civil and ultimately after a few attempts at reconciliation she was the one that had the ball in her court and decided she no longer wanted to be married to me. I shared this info w/my GF. We shared everything together and had no secrets. Over time my girlfriend noticed that my ex would just pop in at family functions while dropping the kids off and she would just take it upon herself to stick around. Or she would come sit behind my girlfriend and I at church on the days that the kids were singing. She was constantly making my girlfriend feel uncomfortable and more irritated over time. I finally sent her an email stating that she didn't need to be at functions like Thanksgiving, Christmas and things that have to do with my family. I wasn't mean about it but I also said "I never wanted another man in my kids lives and I never wanted another mother figure raising my kids." I also made mention that "while I was going to marriage counseling, you were going to the gym" and all of these things really upset my girlfriend but it wasn't meant to say that I didn't want her and wanted my ex back. It was just reiterating to my ex wife that things change, people change and circumstances change, and sometimes that means there's just not that spot for you to be around anymore. It has essentially been filled. My girlfriend delved through my email and found this message from months ago and was livid when she read it. She woke me up from a dead sleep and confronted me and actually packed her things and left that very night. She accused me of still wanting my ex and being obsessed with and living in my past but in all actuality the only people living in my past were my ex wife, some of my family members and now my girlfriend. I, in no way, shape or form want my ex back or want my "old life" back as she calls it. I simply want peace in my life and I want my kids to grow up in a stable environment. Now I've got a child on the way with a woman that is threatening that I will have nothing but "visitation rights". Is she wrong? Am I wrong? What should I do? I have simply just gone with the flow and let everything be okay for years now and that's obviously not the right thing to do. Help!!

[dontaskme]

What don't you explain to your girlfriend what you wrote here?

[singledad32]

That's just it. I've explained it just as I have in that very post ^^^ yet she insists that I am still emotionally attached to my ex wife. There's nothing that I said above that she hasn't already been told.

[dontaskme]

How long ago did this happen?

[singledad32]

About 7-8 weeks ago. I'm just reaching out to people who don't know either of us and aren't going to have biased opinions. My friends of course agree with me and her friends, she says, agree w/her.

[dontaskme]

I don't know why she misinterpreted your e-mail the wrong way (unless there is more to the story), but I suggest you ask her how she came to the conclusion that you still want your ex-wife back.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, she shouldn't be using the unborn child to threaten you. Either she's doing it because she's bitter or she's childish or both.

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But if you do get back together, your ex-wife has to stop hanging around your family like you are still a family unit. That is disrespectful to your girlfriend.

The only time that you need to be in the same occasions with her are during important events in your children's lives.

[singledad32]

Yeah, but what about my family still being close to her?

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She blames that on me as if I can just tell my cousins "you can't talk to her, you can't go shopping with her, you don't need to invite her to your wedding" those type of scenarios

[dontaskme]

you need to pick and choose your battles with your girlfriend and ex-wife. Your family has to understand that you are living with a woman now who is going to be the mother of your child so YES, it is inappropriate for them to invite your ex-wife to ANY occasion where they know that your girlfriend will be around as well.

In terms of your family doing individual activities with your ex-wife, that is their choice and shouldn't pose a problem nor a threat to your girlfriend.

Try to make your girlfriend understand that.

[singledad32]

That is exactly what I thought. Thanks for the input.