Forced separation

[JasonY]

First, thanks to everyone who chimes in with their input. I appreciate it.

I'm a 24 year-old student and a Chinese Canadian who grew up in Canada for the latter 22 of those years. My girlfriend is an international student from China. We've known each other for about 3 months now but we live in the same rental house. I see her everyday so it feels like I've known her for much longer. We love each other passionately and we've never felt this way about other people before. We seem to always think the same things without even telling eachother what we think. Small things like what we both want to eat for dinner, or picking up the phone just before it rings while thinking about each other. Her English is not very advanced, and my Mandarin is practically non-existant. I have no idea how we fell in such deep love even with our communication barrier.

Our parents don't disapprove of our relationship, but they do realize how different our worlds are. This brings me to our dillema. We both feel we can spend our lives together but she'll need to return to China after her studies are complete. She feels the responsibility to return to her home town to help her parents which I completely understand and do not object to. We have even casually talked about marriage, but I do realize we've only been together for 3 months. If we separate now, we'll never know if we had a future together. I'll probably think about this for the rest of my life. If I wait until she's forced to leave, we'll be in much more pain, but something might happen between now and then that allows us to stay together. If I follow her back to China, I'm not completely sure that I'd be happy. I wouldn't be able to communicate with the local people. Career plans would be difficult, but I really don't know. I don't know what to do.

I love her so much but this early forced separation doesn't give us enough time to decide if marriage is the right thing to do. If we broke up because of differences, then it wouldn't be so bad. I don't know what to do. She'll return to China this Christmas so we'll be apart for a couple weeks. We're hoping this will let us clear our heads and think about it more. Anticipating a breakup through Christmas will be extremely difficult. Is it unrealistic for me to think that I can follow her back to China? I do have family in Hong Kong so that might help... somewhat. I really want to find a way to make our relationship work, but it feels like everything is forcing us apart.

Time, language, responsibility, realistic expectations... all working against us. I don't know what to do.

[devonbrown]

Real life is a bummer sometimes. All of the difficulties you mention are real life difficulties, and the decisions will just get harder and harder. The love, in this case, is the easy part.

Sometimes love is all you need to overcome barriers. But to do that one of you will have to re-examine what is important to you. If you are both willing to put your relationship as your highest priority, you will be able to get through the obstacles. Another language can be learned, circumstances can change, etc. as long as love is the driving force behind those changes.

One last thing... you mentioned that her returning to China is forcing you to make decisions quickly. Why? You can attempt to do a long distance relationship for a time. You can call, skype, etc. You can visit, vacation, etc. All until you two make the decisions you need to make. But the time to make those decisions shouldn't be rushed.

Good luck!