my relationship and its flaws

[blitzburgh39]

well. beginning info

im in high school.. a senior to be exact.. and i met a girl last summer who happens to be my girlfriend now. she is a junior. she is 16 im 17.

ok well first... she told me months ago that she wont have sex until she graduates. that its part of her beliefs. and i am 100% fine with that. we started dating 12/12/08. yesterday was our one year anniversary. i really love this girl. she is funny. weird like me. she makes me laugh. and i love to be around her. and i told her a long time ago we would never break up over anything but cheating. because i believe anything can be worked out. im not a child. so please dont respond with comments like your too young to know what love is etc.. i dont want to hear it. thanks. but yeah. our first few months were great. we go to school together and last school year we used to hang out like 3-4 times a week. over summer we hung like. maybe 4-5 days a week. (she lives like .3 miles down the road. if that) so transportation never kept us apart. i kept going over more and more as this year progressed. in june... i had an issue. with drugs.. and i wasnt like a druggie. but i tried marijuana a few times. with my friends. and she thought i didnt and would never do such a thing. and my mom had to call her and tell her cuz i couldnt (i got caught) and told her to promise she wouldnt break up with me over it. and ever since she has kept it lingering over my head. and i dont blame her. i lost her trust and respect. and i am slowly gaining it back. and like... her dad drives her to school. and since i live so close and on the way to school she picks me up every morning and when i leave school so i dont have to ride the bus.. but yeah. this year. we hange literally everyday. i spend 90% of my time awake (outside of school) with her and her family. over the last year i have become extremely close with her family and her dogs and her. and they are a major part of my life as i am with them. they are my second family. i like being there and with them over my parents. they love me. i love them. i love my girlfriend. she loves me. but we get in fights frequently. like last night for our one year i took her to dinner (she didnt want to cuz its cliche and its a waste of money) but i insisted we go. so we go to a place near the mall. and she said she cant pick me out anything for christmas so i would have to. so we go to the store. and i pick out some things. and i said i couldnt wait til christmas. and how she wanted to get me this one thing. but i said i wanted the other. and she got upset and left the store and stood in front. so i pointed to the floor and said come here. and that she wanted me to pick out gifts (i now know the pointing thing was bad. because its like i treat her like a "dog") and she went up the escalator and i said come back and she left. i drove. and she stormed through macys. so as i go and try to find her i call her to see where she is and she refused to tell me and that her mom was going to pick her up. i said hell no. and tracked her down. and she came with me. then one the way home she said drop me off. your not coming back. and i said uh huh. and when we got to her house she was like no your not coming but i did go in. and she started to cry and was pissed. because i didnt listen to her. even though im not going back there because i want to pester her and follow her around all day. i wanted to go back cuz i love being there more than my house. and my parents are on vaca.. and i just love being there! so we talked with her mom about all this.. and we just... we hang everyday... and recently she has threatened like major breakup because im a dick. slash asshole. and i know i am. as she is a bitch.but still. i blame these problems on the hanging out literally everyday. cuz i go home with her after school. i love her. i do. and i love being with her. and i think if we hung out less we would be okay.

can someone give me some info? or agree with me that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" because its basically like we live together. minus the sleeping arrangements

thanks!

[TheWizard]

ah Highschool... you'll look back on this later in life and can make some adjustments it's part of what's normal. Highschool is really more of a social experiment where you start to find yourself... but I digress.

The idea behind "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is definitely founded. The concept is that if you aren't there you give the gift of them missing you, which will basically intensify ones feelings for the other so that seeing them again is exciting. Later on in life the behavior you're currently displaying is known as being clingy, and suffocating. Everyone needs there space from time to time, and denying it constantly (which it sounds like is happening) makes the magic die very quickly.

I had a similar relationship in Highschool, and we dated until right near the end of senior year when all the time we spent together took its toll and she got bored of me. One of the more important lessons about girls I learned from.

Bottomline, you're smothering her and while you guys might love each other this hanging out ALL the time seems like insecurity and lack of trust, and over time you're going to push each other away. Remember that people can love someone as a friend, and that "love" doesn't automatically imply romantic all the time.

Good luck

[blitzburgh39]

thank you. a lot. that was a very good reply. i truly thank you. her mother said the same thing but you really hit the nail on the head.

i appreciate it.


and i know.. she said we could be friends and still hang out all the time. but i would rather have her as my gf and be happy. not be my gf and not be happy or be my friend and be happy. i will try to not hang that much.... and a part of our constant hanging out is that i dont see my friends or my family very often... but yes. thank you. i dont see her as a friend. and i will fight and hang on until i cannot no more. i would say i have a clingy personality... but i know how i feel. and she makes me happy even if we fight. i cant look at her and be mad. she is the one that gets mad and cant handle it and freaks. i get mad for 10 seconds. and its gone. she holds a grudge for days. ahhh. women.

thanks!

Jim