War for Friendship

[Tick]

My previous thread died so I made a new one cause I really need the help and I'm going crazy, literally.

First of all I would like to tell all those who give their input a very big thanks.

Ok there is this guy "Ant" whos an attention freak, he is turning on my bestfriend (who is a girl and also my ex) to get all the attention for himself. The thought alone is unbearable its like my heart is exploding. Apparently there is nothing I can do about it, he is planning to take my place and she's accepting it without knowing. He hates me btw. Now it takes ages for her to respond to my MSN msgs because of him. Erm for full story please read here: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/18637-friendship-suspicion.html[/url]

Please help me, I thought the problem was gone but I was wrong.

[Tick]

Come on guys, anything helps.

[vashti]

I don't know how you can hope to stop them from doing whatever it is they are going to do. It looks to me like you are gong to have to accept it, as painful as it may be. Sorry.

BTW - I read your other thread. I think you should find new friends. Friends are supposed to enhance your life - not make you miserable. Neither one of these friends seem to be doing much for you.

[Tick]

I was maybe thinking of improving my own character first. Is it a good idea and if yes how?

[vashti]

Is there something wrong with your character? If so, it wasn't evident in your post, but I guess I'll take your word for it. Good character is an important quality to have. Building character requires you to make tough choices, even if they are uncomfortable, so I think you should try to work on making better choices. If your friends suck, you have to accept that as fact, and then choose to find new ones that don't. It might be a little lonely for a while, but that may serve as motivation for finding better people to hang with.

How old are you?

[orbit]

I was maybe thinking of improving my own character first. Is it a good idea and if yes how?

I think it is always a good idea/time to improve one's character/personality.

This takes time.

How? Hanging out with, or having friends who have good character can help.

[Tick]

vashti im 16 years old.

No my character is great according to others, they say I'm funny, kind, honest, always there and have a wild imagination. The problem is that this other guy has a little more outgoing than me so he uses it to his advantage. Now this is not jealousy because the same thing happened in the past with another female friend of mine and now they are insperatable, he became so jealous of us that he ruined it. And I dont want the same to happen this time. The most frustrating thing is that its takes her about 20 minutes to respond to me on MSN whilst before it was less than 10 seconds. And I know its with him because he told me himself

[vashti]

This doesn't sound like a character issue, but rather a confidence issue, and having confidence at 16 is very hard, indeed. It is usually something people grow in to, you know? In the meantime, I think you should pretend outwardly that you are more confident than you feel. Eventually, you will begin to feel more confident.

[Tick]

Sweet thanks for the advice really really really appreciated

[Gigabitch]

Tick, you have unrealistic expectations of her. I'm not saying that you're asking too much generally, but that you're asking too much of her. She's bound to disappoint you.

If you could get the idea into your head that you don't actually need anything from her, you'd be happier. She's a limited person, just like everyone else on the planet. This has nothing to do with that other guy, and ultimately, not much to do with her. It's about you and your desire for attention from her.

I remember being 16. It wasn't easy. I was so involved with my friends, it was like I hardly existed without them. Later, when I moved away, I started reading a whole lot more and writing, too. I became much more self-reliant. I suggest that every time she disappoints you, you consciously choose to do something for yourself. Learn to not need her so much.

[Tick]

Tick, you have unrealistic expectations of her. I'm not saying that you're asking too much generally, but that you're asking too much of her. She's bound to disappoint you.

If you could get the idea into your head that you don't actually need anything from her, you'd be happier. She's a limited person, just like everyone else on the planet. This has nothing to do with that other guy, and ultimately, not much to do with her. It's about you and your desire for attention from her.

I remember being 16. It wasn't easy. I was so involved with my friends, it was like I hardly existed without them. Later, when I moved away, I started reading a whole lot more and writing, too. I became much more self-reliant. I suggest that every time she disappoints you, you consciously choose to do something for yourself. Learn to not need her so much.

Yea she does it way too often, like this very moment for instance. Yea I think you are right, rather than trying to change the conditions to my favor, better improve myself and get on with my life. I'll take your advice Giga, I'll keep myself busy, thanks a lot

[Tick]

Ok now I'm very hurt, she had a very serious problem and went to him instead of me, its always me when she has probs

Seriously now I'm in a breakdown and my eyes are wet. She doesnt talk to me much on messenger and when I told her that something is wrong with us and that from when Ant got involved she acted like i didnt exist, she said that I didnt allow her to have any friends, I think shes turning against me....

[Karamailla]

Just let her go man, obviously you still cherish strong feelings for this girl. She needs her own space, and can't offer you what you are looking for in her.

Try to stop or strongly reduce your contact with her, take charge yourself and don't be so dependent!! Find people who actually make an effort to be friends with you.

[Tick]

Another good point, but shes my BEST friend for crying out load/loud! I've known her for about 2 years.