hurt

[shygal]

To make a long story short, I nearly feel like my life is worthless and I feel hurt, depressed, lonely, angry and sad. I've been feeling like this for three weeks and I'm writing about it here because I dont know where else to go was hoping to get some feedback.

I met a guy about three months ago and we used to say hi but nothing much. Then he started to buy my breakfast, lunch, drive me home everyday from work, take me out to dinner and treated me really well. He spoiled me and I wasn't used to being treated in such a way and adored it. So obviously we went out, we were 'together' for about three weeks, he even met my parents. Then I started realizing something strange: everytime we went out or hang out, he would always mention another girl (colleague) 'She did this, she said that, she wants this'. I closed an eye for the beginning because I thought maybe he's talking about her as a friend. Finally one day he called me just to remind me to bring a dvd for HER. I couldnt take it anymore so I told him he should stop calling me if he only calls me talk about her. He started whining and making excuses. The next day at work I practically threw the dvd at him. Instead of telling me he was sorry, the first thing he did was run to her and give her the DVD (and I was in the room). I couldn't believe it and I still can't. I cried all day and it's almost been three weeks and I'm still in tears. He wrote me a letter telling me he was sorry so I talked to him and told him his behavior proved me that he never liked me. He walked off and like an idiot I followed him (because stupidly, I still like him!) and I found him crying in the arms of...the other girl! Basically everyone in the office felt sorry for him and think I was mean, while he pretends to cry.
I'm so shocked and hurt that I don't know what to do anymore. I have to see him everyday so everyday I have to run to the bathroom and cry. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. I know that I deserve better and that he's a jerk. But then why do I still like him??
I hate myself for still thinking about such a creep and for having kissed him so much and for wishing he would talk to me again. But most of all I can't figure out why he likes another dumb, cheap girl and why he's treating me this way. He still talks to her, flirts with her, in front of me. Almost on purpose. and it makes me want to burst into tears.
any opinions would be apreciated...

[NeoSeminole]

did he ever try to kiss you?

[shygal]

what do you mean? We went out, we kissed a lot. unfortunately

[derm]

He's an insecure selfish idiot!...........your better off without him. You might not believe that now but some day you'll look back at the whole ordeal and wonder what on earth you ever seen in him.

Someone better WILL come along, you deserve better

[shygal]

I know that I deserve better. I also know that with time things heal, but right now, it hurts. It kills me when I see him happy or when i see him at all. he knew all along that the problem was the other girl and yet yesterday and today he talked to her,flirting right in front of me and even hugged her like crazy. why is he doing this to me?

I feel stupid because I cant get over him. I also feel stupid because I actually thought that he liked me, that since he kissed me there was something, and that since he always bought me stuff (materials) he actually felt something for me. It really hurts to see him always go off to her instead of coming to me. I still wish he would do something, apologize, try to change. i guess i cant accept the fact that he never liked me and never will. he likes the other girl more, she's six years older and is going out with another guy.
but then why go out with me and treat me like that?to make her jealous?

[Gigabitch]

I don't know why you would think he never liked you and never will. Clearly, he did. He also likes her and is an extremely insensitive jackass who has a terrible case of Mention-itis. (Did you read Bridget Jones- the Edge of Reason? The movie sucks, but the book is pee-your-pants funny).

Mentionitis is when they keep bringing someone up who really has no place in the conversation. He did this to you. He is an idiot.

[shygal]

Gigabitch,
yes bridget jones is great. but clearly he never truly liked me because when a guy likes you normally he doesnt constantly talk about another girl. And maybe i didnt make it clear, but not only does he always talk about her, he also flirts with her. clearly he was more interested in her than me. otherwise he would have given up their 'friendship' for me.

i wish he mentioned her randomly but he did it constantly. i dont think any guy with genuine interests would talk about another girl to a girl he supposedly likes. im disgusted and hurt because i fear that he went out with me just to get her attention. he managed (she was the first to console him the day we 'broke up'), but he lost me. sad thing is i dont think he even cares

[derm]

I know that I deserve better. I also know that with time things heal, but right now, it hurts. It kills me when I see him happy or when i see him at all. he knew all along that the problem was the other girl and yet yesterday and today he talked to her,flirting right in front of me and even hugged her like crazy. why is he doing this to me?

I feel stupid because I cant get over him. I also feel stupid because I actually thought that he liked me, that since he kissed me there was something, and that since he always bought me stuff (materials) he actually felt something for me. It really hurts to see him always go off to her instead of coming to me. I still wish he would do something, apologize, try to change. i guess i cant accept the fact that he never liked me and never will. he likes the other girl more, she's six years older and is going out with another guy.
but then why go out with me and treat me like that?to make her jealous?

Course it hurts, course you feel like shit, you obviously really liked him.
Not sure what age or how experienced you are but with time you'll be able to spot these wasters a mile off and not get tangled up with them in the first place.

However you have to have these bad experiences as no amount of advice can teach you like real life experience.

This guy has issues. I bet you any money if he gets off with this new girl he will do the exact same thing to her and treat her the exact same way.

He probably did go out with you to make her jealous but don't beat yourself up over it!

[Gigabitch]

You won't always feel this shitty about it. Well, maybe you will, but it won't matter this much.

Find someone better and parade him around like the prize he is. They say living well is the best revenge, so go out and get happy.

[shygal]

we're both in our early twenties. that's why i thought maybe i could close an eye, considering that his immaturity at his age is understandable.

i cant believe that he was capable of doing such a thing, going out with me, buying me the world, just to make the girl jealous. even though he knew that she was with another guy. is he sick or something?

i also think i'm sick because though i know that he didnt like me, doesnt like me, i won't accept it and part of me wants things to get back to the way they were. maybe i should've forgiven him after the letter. i didnt want all of this to happen but he caused it and it's making me feel sick. is it normal to do this to oneself- though just YESTERDAY and the day before he was hanging around her and flirting with her, i still want him?? i still have the hope that maybe he's touching her in front of me just to make me jealous (though clearly it's not that, because he always does it even when i'm not around apparently).

it's really hard for me to go out and get happy, not only because of all the work we have. the problem is at work i have to face him, and i cant stop thinking of him when i hear his footsteps or voice. the more the days go on and the more he doesnt come up to me or say anythng to me, the more it's hurting me.

[derm]

we're both in our early twenties. that's why i thought maybe i could close an eye, considering that his immaturity at his age is understandable.

i cant believe that he was capable of doing such a thing, going out with me, buying me the world, just to make the girl jealous. even though he knew that she was with another guy. is he sick or something?

i also think i'm sick because though i know that he didnt like me, doesnt like me, i won't accept it and part of me wants things to get back to the way they were. maybe i should've forgiven him after the letter. i didnt want all of this to happen but he caused it and it's making me feel sick. is it normal to do this to oneself- though just YESTERDAY and the day before he was hanging around her and flirting with her, i still want him?? i still have the hope that maybe he's touching her in front of me just to make me jealous (though clearly it's not that, because he always does it even when i'm not around apparently).

it's really hard for me to go out and get happy, not only because of all the work we have. the problem is at work i have to face him, and i cant stop thinking of him when i hear his footsteps or voice. the more the days go on and the more he doesnt come up to me or say anythng to me, the more it's hurting me.

You can do better that him!

If that girl had been single he may not have been so interested. Guys sometimes set themselves goals to up their ego. Such as setting their mind to stealing some other guys girl just for the heck of it.

I have this friend [maybe friend isn't the best name for him] who I bump into in town every now and again. He's a dick but believes he's gods gift to wemon.

If I'm with a girl he will flirt with her all night and try his best to win her over. I'm not the jealous type and wouldn't go out with a girl I don't trust. If she's the type to two time me, let her go I say.

I just go over and chat to some other girl and let both of them see I'm not bothered.

Thing is it really annoyes him that I'm not bothered and then he looses interest and backs off. Also my girlfried gets suspicious that I'm not getting jealous and starts getting worried and might come fetch me.

Works for me all the time.......... all down to psycology

[Gigabitch]

What is it about this guy that you miss, because I just can't see it. Is he drop-dead gorgeous? Was it the gifts? Is it just because you can't have him?

I know it's hard to look at him objectively, but if your best friend were in your position, what would you tell her? You'd tell her "He's not all that- in 6 months you won't even remember his name."

Right?

[shygal]

Derm, it is all down to psychology. I have a feeling that even if he could 'get' with her, he would treat her the way he treated me, because its just his personality.
Thing is, the way he always goes to her, always hangs around her, always talked about her, it proves that he's interested in her. Maybe he's not interested ONLY in her, but he's interested MORE in her, than me or whoever. Do you suggest I ignore him, as if I couldn't care less? I tried to ignore him the other day but for some reason it hurts me. And yet if I dont ignore him it hurts me just the same.
I know the only thing this guy can do is make me suffer, yet I long for 'what we could have had'.

Gigabitch, he's not very good looking but obviously since I liked him...I liked him, and I found him a little attractive. I guess, the presents did sort of win me over. Driving me home, taking me to dinner to the movies, buying me food, all these things made me think he liked me. Why would a guy spend his money on a girl he doesn't like? or am I being naive? Yes I'm upset/hurt/angry because he's not coming back to me (though obviously i dont want such a creep). and because he's choosing another girl over me.

If this was happening to a best friend, I would tell her to not to waste her time even thinking about such a jerk. but I have to see him everyday at work, I hear him laughing like an idiot with the other girl, I bump into him and every time it reminds me of how i'd kiss him and how much I thought he liked me. yesterday he left without saying bye to me (or anyone) which shows he doesnt even care for me as a friend. today he left work giving a big smile to the other two girls in the room, ignoring me.

Are we still playing a game, meaning that there's something there, what is it? I stubbornly keep thinking that maybe he likes me but is to proud to come back or is too insecure....i keep making excuses.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, you know damn well he still likes you. The question is: Why do you still want him? He is obviously dysfunctional and reactionary. YES, he is playing a game.

And the answer to why a guy would spend his money: He wants to get in your pants. They all do. That is what they think money is for.

There are plenty of other men who will spend money on you and mess with your head. Pick one of them, and this time, NOT somebody you work with.

[shygal]

Oh, you know damn well he still likes you. The question is: Why do you still want him? He is obviously dysfunctional and reactionary. YES, he is playing a game.

And the answer to why a guy would spend his money: He wants to get in your pants. They all do. That is what they think money is for.

There are plenty of other men who will spend money on you and mess with your head. Pick one of them, and this time, NOT somebody you work with.

Thanks, those are some pretty powerful words, you're very smart Gigabitch.
I know that materials do not represent love and it's obvious that by buying me many things he was in a sense 'buying' me. and i fell for it. And you're very right, one must never mix work with 'love' (though clearly this wasnt love)

Like i wrote before though, I don't think he likes me or ever liked me because his actions proved/prove otherwise. If he liked me why did he run to the other girl? If he likes me why isn't he trying to talk things out with me? Wouldn-t a guy who REALLY likes a girl, try more than once and not give up?

As for your question, why would I still want him? I don't know, though I know that I must be really dumb to continue feeling ANYthing for the jerk. For some reason I keep ignoring his flaws/the past/what he did, so I'm continuing to hurt myself. It's almost as if I'm masochistic or something. I'mhurt and angry, but a tiny percentage of me still thinks 'What if he just liked her as a friend? What if he did really like me a bit, and now I lost him forever? What if he's hurt?'. Reality is probably he did/DOES like her, probably he DIDN'T like me and probably he's NOT hurt. While I'm here, depressed and moody. It's so frustrating to think that such an asshole is making me feel like this.

Sometimes I almost feel like talking to him, just pouring it all out but then I snap back to reality and realize am I crazy, after what I went through? He would think I'm really after him and he would hurt me even more. Today he was hanging around me more than usual, and I keep thinking 'WHY NOW. NOW THAT I'M FINALLY READY TO MOVE ON, FORGET YOU, TO HEAL'. What does he want friendship? Is even worth friendship? Another note: today was the other girl's last day at work, so I wonder why he's hanging around me more??