Confused about Relationship I ended!?!?

[danbee]

Ok, I am new to this forum and my name is Dan. Hello Everyone!

I dated a beautiful and smart lady for 2 years and 3 months and I broke up with her in June of 2008. The issue over the break up was that she was a doctor (resident) who was matched in Boston, however, we met and fell in Los Angeles. Therefore, I got cold feet and was scared to commit and move to Boston with her so I broke up with her right at the moment she had to leave LA. Anyway, I REGRET it so damn much and within 2 days I called her to tell her that .... Also, I was wondering if she was the "one" I would marry so it was really so much pressure and I just decided to stay in LA.

Furthermore, we met one last time before she left Boston, and I told her I would come out to Boston within a month. However, she was very skeptical and I became frustrated because I expected her to be happy with my decision no matter how last minute .... Anyway, throughout June we talked and fought about the break up while she was in Boston and I was in LA and sooner or later I became cranky with everything. I think we both needed space, but she asked me to come to Boston in July for a weekend, but I declined because we had such poor communication throughout June. Anyway, we both decided to break it off completely and I thought maybe it was done with once and for all. It was hard as hell, but we wanted to try and move without each other or calling much at all.

Ok, throughout August I cut her out completely and did not call, email, or text. However, my birthday was in late August and she called and texted me a sweet and loving message and it made me smile. Also, throughout August she texted me sweet things too. I was aloof, but caring throughout August but I wanted to try and date and meet other people. However, I kept thinking about her and I could not get her out of my head ... We move and I don't contact her at all until the second week of September.

Finally, my ex is in LA to visit her sister and she wants to see me. I'm floored and quite happy she wants to see me because I could not get her out of head, but I was not contacting her. Typical guy I guess right? I see her again and I fall in love all over she looks beautiful and she is affectionate and looking at me with love too. However, before we met she tells me she is dating someone, and I don't take it seriously because she was so loving throughout the time we met in September. Ok, 3 days after we meet I decide to get back together and see if I can go to Boston and visit and make this relationship work again. No, she does not even respond to my emails, text messages, or calls for almost a week it is SHOCKING.

Finally, we get a hold of each other and she tells me she never felt like I was committed to her, and she is moving on. I tell her how much I regret losing her and breaking up with her, but she is quite vague. However, there are some issues I need help with below:

1. When she calls me she refers to me by the romantic pet name.
2. She is interested in seeing me again especially if I go to Boston.
3. When I stop calling, texting, or emailing she calls or emails me and is sweet again.

Is she waiting for me to make a move? It is like she is nice and then gets cold and icey. A week ago she called and was sweet, so yesterday and today I call her but she has not returned my calls. I hate games, and I would have just gone on living without her in August but now I want her back, but she is resentful that I did not want to move to Boston earlier. What do I do?

[vashti]

I say leave her alone. If you really wanted her, you'd have behaved differently all along.

At least, that's the way I see it.

[Dasein]

Sounds like you only want her back because you can't have her and she is moving on.

If you really did love her you wouldn't have jerked her about the way that you did. Let her find someone who will treat her the way she deserves and leave her alone.

[danbee]

Well, whenever I don't contact her she will call me or want to see me out of the blue, so, it seems like she wants to try again. Anyway, I have been trying and I want to make one final attempt because she is an amazing lady.

Also, I did not jerk her around I was unsure about Boston, but I was a good and very loving boyfriend.

[Dasein]

Therefore, I got cold feet and was scared to commit and move to Boston with her so I broke up with her right at the moment she had to leave LA.

It's right there. You got cold feet and were scared to commit. You then broke up with her.If that isn't jerking someone around I don't know what is.

[krondragon]

She already told you that she didn't feel like you were commited to her. It's right there. Quit denying the facts and admit to yourself that it's completely over. From what I see from your message, I feel as if you're blaming her for your desire to want her back. You have no one to blame but yourself for that.

You can take solace in the fact that at least she is contacting you. She probably just sees you no more than a friend now.

[danbee]

Well, she called me last week after I had not called her and we had a loving conversation. Also, I told her I missed her and she told me the same in return. In addition she was telling how me I use to care about her while together, so she is reminscing (sp?) about me .... If we are just friends she would not say that I think.

However, she has been ignoring me all week. She is an intern at Harvard as a resident in OB so I know she is busy, but I hate being ignored ...

I'm ready to look like a fool and try it because she is an awesome lady.

Is she getting revenge on me by playing games?

Also, when we met last time she was affectionate, but shut me down 2 days after we met too. Argh! I am feeling the pain now.

[vashti]

Wow, you sound like one needy fellow. If she is doing her residency, she is too freakin' busy to call you. You've got to get over yourself. The world doesn't revolve around you.

[Dasein]

Well, she called me last week after I had not called her and we had a loving conversation. Also, I told her I missed her and she told me the same in return. In addition she was telling how me I use to care about her while together, so she is reminscing (sp?) about me .... If we are just friends she would not say that I think.

However, she has been ignoring me all week. She is an intern at Harvard as a resident in OB so I know she is busy, but I hate being ignored ...

I'm ready to look like a fool and try it because she is an awesome lady.

Is she getting revenge on me by playing games?

Also, when we met last time she was affectionate, but shut me down 2 days after we met too. Argh! I am feeling the pain now.

Ok lets say hypothetically she is playing games..do you not feel that you deserve it in any way? How come it is ok for you to play games with her but not the other way around?

I think she probably has some feelings for you but she knows that you are not good for her so she is trying to distance herself. I for one think that is a good idea on her part.

[leitzin]

I say leave her alone. If you really wanted her, you'd have behaved differently all along.

At least, that's the way I see it.

Vashti, Precisely my thoughts.

Dan, She was DEFINATELY the one... the problem is that YOU were NOT the one.

It sounds harsh but the truth of the matter is that love is SUPPOSED to put up with anything... apparently YOU gave up where she was willing to experience life with you inspite of the challenges.

She did you a great favor by keeping you cut off. She's giving you another chance to exercise "unconditional love" with a clean slate... Good LUCK!!!

[moonriverlove]

how come you first can't commit and then want her again?
why men are so complicated?

[GetYourExBack]

That's an interesting story...

I think it's common to actually do be afraid to commit and then desperately want to get back together somehow...

I remember seeing somewhere that it's a common problem, not sure where I read it though.

[Everlovin]

Well, she called me last week after I had not called her and we had a loving conversation. Also, I told her I missed her and she told me the same in return. In addition she was telling how me I use to care about her while together, so she is reminscing (sp?) about me .... If we are just friends she would not say that I think.

However, she has been ignoring me all week. She is an intern at Harvard as a resident in OB so I know she is busy, but I hate being ignored ...

I'm ready to look like a fool and try it because she is an awesome lady.

Is she getting revenge on me by playing games?

Also, when we met last time she was affectionate, but shut me down 2 days after we met too. Argh! I am feeling the pain now.

How old are you?