What's taking me so long?

[Coco]

Well since comments on blogs are not working for some reason. So many views and not any responses! I've asked questions about the comment feature still no reply so... I'm going to post it here. Hopefully I get some feedback. By the way this was written on 28-02-10.

History:
After 5 years & 10 months, me and my ex-fiance Anako broke up in December. He moved out, I changed the locks and the no contact began. It was broken one night after 3 weeks. We argued terribly and the next morning he was involved in a car accident. A really bad one that left him with some serious injuries. He listed me as his emergency contact after his mother and aunt were released from the hospital. When he was released from the hospital... I let him come home. I took care of him. On what would have been our 6 year anniversary February 14th, he stayed in the guest room the entire day and I stayed to myself. He's been doing a great job of not making passes at me. We haven't made love, kissed or hugged since he has been back in my home. He hasn't even moved anything in... so he really was playing the role of a guest in my home.


Yesterday, Saturday morning, he made it clear that he was thankful for me helping him through this, even though he's been mean to me the entire time. Example? One night he wanted to try and bathe on his own, he fell. I tried to help him get up and he was pained. He instantly shouted at me saying I can't do anything right. I ignored him and just helped him bathe and get to bed. Anyway... after he said his thank you's I just nodded and continued making his breakfast and gave him his medicine. He then told me he thinks he's well enough to take care of himself and that he no longer needs me. He found an apartment for rent, he's approved and his move in date is March 12th. I shouldn't be so shocked but I am, because I still love him more than any other man I have been with. He's put me through so many things though, I should be happy that he is not trying to get me back. I don't know how this makes me feel or why I should be feeling anything at all. I guess it hurts me because reality is sinking in that he really doesn't love me the way I love him. I had finally realized no matter how much I loved him and cared for him he would never really appreciate me. I've been running him back and forth to appointments, helping him bathe, cooking his food, helping his scars... not even his mother has seen him since her last day at the hospital. Sure she calls and checks up on him, and apologizes to me for us two breaking up (she thinks she's the reason we split up) but she hasn't come to see her child. His friends hadn't seen him, until I invited them over Friday night. He had been so cruel last week, I was hesitant to do so because he would curse his mother, friends and co workers for not coming to see him. I didn't know if he would be happy to see them if I invited them over or if he would snap on them. I took my chances. He lit up like a downtown Christmas tree when they came over. Ignored me the entire time. I mostly stayed in the kitchen and brought them out drinks and food when it was ready. When I cleaned up and got him ready for bed... he never said thank you or anything. Just... I'm sleepy what's taking you so long.

What is taking me so long? What's taking me so long to realize that he doesn't love me like that? I don't know what I'm feeling...

[Petit Papillon]

It's because you swim in this subject non stop. Anako this,anako that,my ex fiance used to do this and that... Like , just STOP to think and talk about him and it will really come. There are many other guys out there that you could have easily and one of them is definately your other half of an apple. But just STOP STOP STOP STOP. Got me?

At least, it worked for me

[to-cinderella]

its hard to STOP... if you still like him...

we are human, and most of the time we more feeling like remembering good things happend to us. Same with you , you still like good side of him... you need to remind youself more often about what was not matching, why did you broke up, what an egoist he is, letting you cary about him, taking it as normal... remind yourself about some bad things more often, this will help you to move on and not suffer from still loving him!

[Doc Durian]

Do you wipe his arsehole too?

(You can't get your feelings through to him by doting over him)

He also sounds like he is uncomfortable with being at the mercy of someone he doesn't want to romantically be with.

He has appreciated your help yet wants to nullify it as soon as humanly possible.

Don't be a doormat, nor a barbarian.

Help him to realize helping himself and then turf the fellow. Your relationship has long since been terminated.

[Coco]

I try to think about the bad things but I always think about the good times more. There were so many more good times. Years of it and only a year and half of bad. I guess it bothers me that he is acting angry towards me because I broke up with him. Why should he be mad? He's the one who screwed up. Why do I even care?! Omg I'm so annoyed with myself.

[starbuck]

You spent five years with him so naturally you're not going to be able to snap your fingers and be completely over him, but eventually you'll get there. You know that you deserve better, but your heart hasn't caught up yet.

I think you need to get away from him and enforce the no contact rule again. You're not giving yourself the space that you need in order to get to that place.

[Mish]

I agree with the notion that the longevity of the relationship is probably making it difficult for you to move on. It sounds like the more you do for him the worse he is treating you and you should probably ask yourself at which point you will refuse to put up with it and force yourself to move on. Unrequited love con be dangerous, painful and isolating.

[cmacattack1]

I treated my ex girlfriend not very well and when she dumped my ass and resisted all my pathetic attempts to get her back, did I learn to really appreciate her and realize how much of a fool I was. I couldn't believe the extent of my selfishness and my attempts into manipulating her feelings. A big problem for me was that I felt like I didn't care about her like she cared about me but when she was gone, I went through such pain and heartbreak like I have never felt before.

Everybody is different and I'm not saying my situation is the same as yours. It's very possible for him to change and appreciate you for who you are and what you do for him, but he isn't going to as long as you are there for him and not have to face the consequences of his actions. Even afterwards he might not, he sounds pretty stubborn.

[IndiReloaded]

I think a lot of the regulars can't be bothered to give you advice anymore. The blogs work fine. Still, there are a few here w/patience of saints, so I'll leave it to them.

[QueenofCorona]

He treats you like this because you allow him to treat you like this. After he fell and shouted at you for helping him, you should have told him when he finally got his ass up off the ground to not let the door hit it on his way out. I assume he doesn't speak to his mother and friends like that? Don't hold the hand that holds you down.

[LailaK]

You know you deserve better. Cutting out a guy who you love but is absolutely toxic is like cutting off an arm with a festering wound.

It's painful and hard but it has to be done. Start putting yourself first! He wants to move out? Good! He doesn't want to be with you? Good! It seems like he knows whats best for you better than you do. When he leaves initiate NC again and don't go back. Concentrate on yourself. Get some new hobbies, pamper yourself, buy some new dresses, go on a few dates. Being single can be very exciting. Live it up and keep yourself distracted.

[Coco]

I think a lot of the regulars can't be bothered to give you advice anymore. The blogs work fine. Still, there are a few here w/patience of saints, so I'll leave it to them.

Then don't give me advice anymore then. At least there are some being helping to settle my rattled thoughts and bad judgments. That's ok. I'm not perfect and I'm going to keep making mistakes. If you don't want to help then don't and don't bother posting anything in my thread. You could also put me on ignore too. That always works. And the two broads who thanked you could do the same thing.

[Coco]

Very good points all of you. I have no idea what I'm doing or why I feel like I need him. I am going to go through with asking a friend out on a date. I shouldn't turn him away. He likes me and I like him too. I shouldn't blow it because of Anako. Also... thanks for the smack in the face without the insults. LOL! Sometimes I need that when I get into these "Waa Waa Waa" moods.

Cmac. You are right about him. he is stubborn and he hates being wrong.

[Mish]

I'm not perfect and I'm going to keep making mistakes.

Ain't that the truth

[IndiReloaded]

Then don't give me advice anymore then. At least there are some being helping to settle my rattled thoughts and bad judgments. That's ok. I'm not perfect and I'm going to keep making mistakes. If you don't want to help then don't and don't bother posting anything in my thread. You could also put me on ignore too. That always works. And the two broads who thanked you could do the same thing.

I don't need to put you on ignore, I was just letting you know the blogs work fine. I don't mind to give advice but there's nothing new in your situation. Shrug.

And 'broads'? LOL. You should really cuss and swear less in your posts. Try to act like a lady a bit more and people might actually consider treating you like one.