My heart is still broken, but I don't want my ex back.

[ds242508]

I'm 23 and I dated this girl for 3 years. We broke up 3 years ago, but we hooked up and had a "complicated" relationship for a year after that. So I guess it ended 2 years ago. We have talked from time to time within these 2 years, but we were no longer intimate. Since then, she has had a boyfriend for almost a year.

She was my first love...I don't want her back, but my heart is still broken. Although I have dated, I feel so lost around women now, it's almost as if I've forgotten how to get their attention, or how to act. I've felt this way for almost a year, it still feels like there is a hole in my heart. I fear that I won't be able to love or open up to women again. I am not expecting to fall in love again right away or anything, I am just talking about being able to have a good time, meet people and not feel removed from the situation. I don't compare other women to my ex, and I am not being picky, I just don't feel completely emotionally stable I guess. I'm a senior in college, so it's not like i'm not doing anything. I stay busy with class, work, organizations, going out with my friends, sports, etc. Any advice on how to overcome this heartbroken feeling?

[michelle23]

Look up the five stages of grief-it might help you. If you feel emotionally dead after the breakup-perhaps you will need some help to heal such as counselling.

[kskts6115]

I felt this way after the first guy I really liked, and honestly I didn't feel completely "normal" until I met my last boyfriend. I think when you have a good connection with someone you just compare it to everyone else you meet.. And if you don't feel that spark immediately you kind of give up. But I think if you gave girls more of a chance then you might feel that way again about someone. Like I said I never thought I'd find that spark with someone else, but once I really started talking to my ex I felt it again.. So I think you just have to give it time and also meet the right person.

[Quinlan88]

I'm currently going through the same thing, and you're right, DO NOT GO BACK! I split with a ex of 5 years, I found out she started dating pretty much the day we split, I didn't get into another relationship until 4 months had past, 10 months later she found out and split me and my new girl up by Facebook and wel the new girl left me, my ex then split up with her fella of 10minths and I decided to give it a go (I was single) now since July 2012 we have split up 7-8 times and nothing changed, she hasn't changed but I do still love her and its easy to go back n fourth but really dude even thinkin about it shouldn't be a hassle, just start dating, I find sleeping around doesn't help it but maybe put your time and effort into someone/something else

[FoundAgain]

No matter what you do don't turn back. If there was a reason for break up before there will be again and then you will be heartbroken even more. The decision is to start dating to meet new people and someday you will find the right one or she will find you. There is fate and you can' run away from it. Just open your heart and you will see how quickly someone special will appear. Wish you luck!